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February 16, 2009

Those Empty Relationships ..

After a long time, I am vella , feeling a bit relaxed . But I am allergic to the emptiness which creeps in , after completion of some task , First reaction is the thought what to do now ? Watch a movie, ? No :( , Read a novel ? No :( Listen to some music? No :( , then out of boredom and without much options , finally I switched on my lappy , as I do when I m not left with much things to do. I logged in to my email account, and started browsing through the mails aimlessly ; read ones, unread ones, sent ones , labeled ones. and ....blah blah .. After browsing through first few pages, I started surfing them in reverse order from oldest to older. And the whole of past 4-5 years were right in front of me. Some mails were written by the ppl whom I don’t even remember now. Some were written just for the heck of it, Some were deeper ones, Some were TP types , But one thing is sure ,they took me several years back , as if I was re-living those times again, every thing flashed back in front of me ,Events and happenings at that point of time , how I used to think, how I used to imagine, my thought process at that time and so on. It was like a journey in a Time machine to the past.

I have been playing a game since my childhood. I analyze a situation, sometimes present, sometimes future and try to list down all the possibilities which can happen, with their respective probabilities. I am mostly precise when I speculate with in small time frame. But as the time frame gets broadened, the number of variables, factors increases exponentially, so my approximation suffers accordingly.This journey wasn’t only a feeling of nostalgia , but also about a lot of introspection, comparisons, analysis of what I am and what I was, A careful thought about how I wanted to be and how I turned out to be, how I had planned things and how they are.

I was scrutinizing my present in relation with my past in a bigger time frame and how the destiny has given its final rulings.In a way, an evaluation of how I fared in the game.Came out of this tortuous chain of thoughts with a phone call and realized, I have just wasted approx 3 hours in this unnecessary thinking and day dreaming. A lot of stuff is required to share and learn from these empty relationships...Hope to do soon sometime in the future...Keep reading (and commenting !!)

6 comments:

Newbie Mommy said...

I did the same, and man, I realized if I labeled myself an immature kid still trying to discover herself, I was indefinitely MORE lost, before :)
.. Lovely post.

Hopeless Romantic said...

Hi, welcome to my blog..thanks a lot....i know we all go thru similar emotions at one point or another..thanks..keep in touch..tk cya:)

Satans Darling™ said...

I recently emptied my 6 yr old mailbox. Wanted to get rid of the clutter. But I know what you're talking about, and I was amazed myself when I went back to read those emails before I deleted them!

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Ashrita

Trust me, try again after 6 years! You would realise how u have changed and how the people around you have changed !

Goodluck,
Amit

Spark Star said...

Even I am feeling allergic to emptiness that has crept in.

Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Garima

Hmm, well happens, take a break and you should be fine!

Cheers,
Amit