After a long time, I am vella , feeling a bit relaxed . But I am allergic to the emptiness which creeps in , after completion of some task , First reaction is the thought what to do now ? Watch a movie, ? No :( , Read a novel ? No :( Listen to some music? No :( , then out of boredom and without much options , finally I switched on my lappy , as I do when I m not left with much things to do. I logged in to my email account, and started browsing through the mails aimlessly ; read ones, unread ones, sent ones , labeled ones. and ....blah blah .. After browsing through first few pages, I started surfing them in reverse order from oldest to older. And the whole of past 4-5 years were right in front of me. Some mails were written by the ppl whom I don’t even remember now. Some were written just for the heck of it, Some were deeper ones, Some were TP types , But one thing is sure ,they took me several years back , as if I was re-living those times again, every thing flashed back in front of me ,Events and happenings at that point of time , how I used to think, how I used to imagine, my thought process at that time and so on. It was like a journey in a Time machine to the past.
I have been playing a game since my childhood. I analyze a situation, sometimes present, sometimes future and try to list down all the possibilities which can happen, with their respective probabilities. I am mostly precise when I speculate with in small time frame. But as the time frame gets broadened, the number of variables, factors increases exponentially, so my approximation suffers accordingly.This journey wasn’t only a feeling of nostalgia , but also about a lot of introspection, comparisons, analysis of what I am and what I was, A careful thought about how I wanted to be and how I turned out to be, how I had planned things and how they are.
I was scrutinizing my present in relation with my past in a bigger time frame and how the destiny has given its final rulings.In a way, an evaluation of how I fared in the game.Came out of this tortuous chain of thoughts with a phone call and realized, I have just wasted approx 3 hours in this unnecessary thinking and day dreaming. A lot of stuff is required to share and learn from these empty relationships...Hope to do soon sometime in the future...Keep reading (and commenting !!)