Looking for Love?

March 31, 2009

Bawara mann, Dekhne chala ek Sapna !!

***The post has been intentionally deleted due to copyright protection. This story in its updated/edited form is under consideration to be published in an anthology of short stories. Will update the space soon with further details.***

March 27, 2009

Damn - Finally, My First Tag Post !!

I am not a great fans of Tags in blogging, But i wanted to give it a try this time around. So here is my first tag post. I hope this would be better than 'About me' section on All those social networking sites.

1. Real name → Amit Kumar Gupta
2. Nickname(s)→ Guptaji, Guptiii, and i Hate this one - Gupiiiii !!
3. Status → It's Complicated, Needs to take a call
4. Zodiac sign→ Libra
5. Male or female → Male
6. Elementary → Mother Teresa Public School, Delhi
7. Middle School → Mother Teresa Public School, Delhi (Again !! )
8. High School → Mother Teresa Public School, Delhi ( ya, Nursery to class 12 - all in same school - Boring Indeed)
9. College: →Netaji Subhas Institute of Technology, Delhi University, Delhi
10. Hair color → Black, going to be Brown (yes, I have to apply colour.Can't help it )
11. Long or short → Long ( I am "big" enough, did i get the essence of this question right..Sigh)
12. Loud or Quiet → Usually quiet. Loud with people I love.
13. Sweats or Jeans → Jeans
14. Phone or Camera → Phone
15. Health freak → Not really !!
16. Drink or Smoke? → Drink, socially. Smoke, very very rarely
17. Do you have a crush on someone? → Am I allowed to say - Crush is always new regardless of how many times you do it !! (Ala, my blog name)
18. Eat or Drink → Drink - Juices, Mocktails, Cocktails, and then listen to tales ;)
19. Piercings → I hate piercing !
20. Tattoos → Only if my lady has a fetish for it ;)
21. Righty or Lefty - Righty

22. First surgery → None yet.
23. First piercing → Nope
24. First best friend → Does that includes ex-gfs and gfs of best friends :)
25. First award → 3 Prize in 100 m race in Annual Sports day @ School in class - well, don't remember !!
26. First crush → Hmm...Class 7 - Met her after 12 long years through Orkut - She found me!! {Alas, she is married nw :( }
27. First pet → I hate pets, anywhere
28. First big vacation → Mussoorie
30. First big birthday → class 9 @ my home.

49. Eating → Kheer ( Navratara are about to begin, Yippie)
50. Drinking → Guava juice
52. I'm about to → Get back to editing my writings !!
53. Listening to → Mumma ( from the movie Dasvidaniya)
54. Plans for today → Finish Reading - How Starbucks saved my life !! ( Review, coming soon!!)
55. Waiting for → True Love, True friends, True feelings, True emotions (Its true - they don't exist)

58. Want kids? → With or without marriage (Arghhh...Let me give it a thought)
59. Want to get married? → If Someone has the guts to do so with me, why not ?
60. Careers in mind → Writer, Investment banking, Software Services ( Variety is the spice of life)

68. Lips or eyes → Both ( Can we have more options in this, Please)
70. Shorter or taller? → Tall, for sure. ( I am 5'10 myself)
72. Romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneously Romantic
73. Nice stomach or nice arms → Stomach (Give me better options, Pleaaaaassseeee)
74. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive
75. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship ( One night stands dont count, sigh !!)
76. Ask you out in person or on the computer/text? → Doesn't matter (Until someone asks me :P)
77. Trouble maker or hesitant → Not hesitant in making troubles (Unless i am not involved with cops !!)

78. Kissed a stranger → Yes ( I hate the person who passed this tag to me !!)
79. Drank hard liquor → Yes ( What a stupid question,You just need an occasion for this)
80. Lost glasses/contacts → Quite Often ( Best Incident - @ Juhu Beach, 10pm in the night inside Arabian sea)
81. Ran away from home → Till i am going to Her home, its fine !!
82. Held a gun/knife for self defense → No, Never
83. Killed somebody → Ha! You've got to be kidding.
84. Broken someone's heart → Not proud of this, but yes.( I am sorry, S )
85. Been arrested → Nope
87. Cried when someone died → Doesn't everyone do the same !!
88. Liked a girl friend → Liked every friend who is a girl :P

89. Yourself → I guess so, or wait, let me take a guess on this !!
90. Miracles → Absolutely. (There is no other reason possible for my survival)
91. Love at first sight → Mostly, even before sighting if it was an online friendship ;)
92. Heaven → Nope, i am sure i am going to hell !
93. Santa Claus → Yes, but he better start giving me presents from Next Christmas!!
94. Sex on the first date → Hmmm....PDA can't be classified as sex, Answer is No!!
95. Kiss on the first date → Ya, Park Behind PVR Priya @ Vasant Vihar, Delhi :P (kill me for spilling the beans)
96. Beliefs arrived at through logical induction and reasoning based solely upon the available empirical evidence → Yes, always

97. Is there one person you want to be with right now → Definitely, Surely, Its a Must
98. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life → No, I can never be like that in life!
99. Do you believe in God → Not sure, i am an agnostic person !!
100. Post as 100 truths and tag → Probably not.

PS: Spare me for this, But I don't know how to pass the tags. Please help me !!

March 24, 2009

Yeh Mulk Kis Tashan, Kis Thrill Mein Hain ?

The 60-year-old businessman and his wife, were arrested in Mumbai when it came out in the open that the Man had raped his two daughters under the influence of the tantrik who told them in July 2000 that the family would prosper if the father was to have a sexual relationship with his elder daughter, who was then 11.The 20-year-old victim, who had been silent about her ordeal for nine years, finally broke her silence to approach the police after the tantrik attempted to rape her younger sister, aged 16 too.

I was shocked and disgusted after hearing and reading this shitty piece of news two days back. I wanted to write about this earlier. But, just couldn’t muster enough courage to write about my views – in which direction this country is heading to? If such a kind of nauseating incident can happen in what we called as – The most cosmopolitan city of India – Mumbai, I even don’t want to go on the road of -what may happens or is happening in small towns and villages.

This shocking revelation comes on the close heels of another (in) famous incest case of Joseph Fritzl, who kept his daughter captive in the basement of his home for 24 years in Austria.During this time frame, he repeatedly raped her along with Physical and sexual abuse/assault; she has to withered all along. This incestuous relationship forced upon her by her father had resulted in the birth of seven children and one miscarriage. But instead of going into the gory details of this heinous crime, I was really pondering about the ramifications of the similar ordeal on these 2 girls of Mumbai.

Owing to their lack of exposure to sunlight, the captives (children) in Fritzl case were extremely pale and could not endure natural light. They were reported to have Vitamin D deficiencies and were anemic. They were expected to have underdeveloped immune systems. The family members needed to stay at the clinic for several months, and that all of them held captive in the cellar required further therapy to help them adjust to the light after years in semi-darkness. They also needed treatment to help them cope with all the extra space that they now had in which to move about in life. A few of them had manic attacks after living in such kind of life. But,At least there were efforts from the Austrian government to provide them Psychological help after this ordeal. But, I very much doubt anything would be provided to these 2 Indian girls. These scars would always remain all through the life.

Problem with Memories are that they cannot be flushed down the lane, they are like the pages of the books which you have already read. You can’t pretend that you have not read them and don’t remember it now. In Fritzl case, it was extremely unfortunate and barbaric that one has to encounter such an arduous act over all these years. But, look how much time it has taken to get her justice: Less than one year, 11 months to be precise. The case came out in April Last year and final judgment came this year in March. Any guesses how much time it’s going to take In India to get justice for those two ladies. Well, honestly I don’t even want to guess, because we all know the bloody answer.

Good for the girls, atleast their maternal uncle has come forward in adopting them. It would help them to stabilize their lives, to a certain extent. According to the police, it was an ‘internet friend’ who encouraged and motivated the elder daughter to tell about her ordeal to someone she could trust and expose her parents and Tantrik. Hats off to that internet friend who understood the pain and helped her come out of this hell-bed otherwise god knows how many fucking years this would have gone on. I am happy I blog, and I have made friends who are always there in every nook and corner of my life. People, who don’t have faces but understand your apprehensions and tribulations, more than people you, meet face to face.

What kind of country we are looking at in these times of so called modernization and globalization. Nothing would change in this country till laws are not made stricter. I was shocked to find out that there is no law to deal with incest rape or sexual assault. In other words, it just comes under ‘rape by any person’, which is ridiculous since the mental aggravation and pain is much more in the incest case. We are moving towards an intolerant and unconscionable society, where people are shamelessly looking for so called ‘spiritual solace’ in fornicating their own daughters and sisters.I wish one day I can live in an India one day,where atleast the culprits get punishments for their crimes sooner rather than later.

PS: Listen/Watch this piece of song from the hard-hitting movie Gulaal. This newer version of song – Sarfaroshi Ki Tamanna, originally written by Bismillah has been beautifully tweaked for the modern world today. And makes you think, makes you look into your conscience, where all of us as citizens of this country, are going. Think About it!!

March 23, 2009

Indian aka International Premiere League !!

South Africa has edged out England to be named host nation of the 2009 IPL

So, after a month long dilly-dallying by the arsehole Indian government and all the permutations and combinations of making elections and Indian Premiere League matches go simultaneously, we finally have a decision. Though the league has got postponed by 1 week, I am extremely relieved that atleast its going on.
And given the severe time constraints, it needs to be seen that whether this year's IPL will possess the bells and whistles of 2008.

England, the other option as venue for IPL faced issues in the form of cost, scheduling and the likelihood of conflict between television rights holders. The G20 meeting scheduled for next month and Marathon Race on 28 April also gives enough reasons for security forces to have a headache.South Africa's chances were further boosted after the country's government got actively involved in wooing the IPL, throwing in assurances on security and speedy clearance of visas for players and officials, along with air tickets.

It will be the first time ever that a domestic tournament will be held abroad from start to finish.But, I differ that IPL is not merely a domestic tournament. It is a life-altering phenomenon in cricket. It is domestic only in the sense that it is controlled by the BCCI, which also benefits the most from it; but it has felt like an unstoppable force, with the power to affect every aspect of international cricket. In so many ways, it already has. And that's why the attention of the cricket world has been riveted on the discussions, or rather the lack of them, between the IPL's organizers and the Indian government over the security arrangements.

On the face of it, the relocation is a huge setback for the IPL. It was a tournament founded on the concept of city loyalties, and the finest aspect of the first season, apart from the quality of the cricket, was the response it generated from local fans. The money was made from television, but the real success of the tournament was felt in the stands. It was impossible to watch a game in the stadium and not be infected with the new kind of fervor and enjoyment these games engendered. Taking the games away would be to deny them their natural habitat.I watched 3 matches in the stadiums last year - Delhi Daredevils Vs Bangalore Royal Challengers, Delhi Daredevils vs Kings 11 Punjab and Delhi Daredevils vs Mumbai Indians- in that order.I can safely say it was the most exhilarating experience I have felt in all these years of cricket watching. It was not that it was the first time i was watching cricket matches in the stadiums,but its just the environment set up before, during and after that match which simply takes your breath away.

Its extremely unfortunate I will not be able to watch matches at Kotla (in delhi) time around, and with the slight possibility of me not here in India next year, the thought has saddened my heart even more. Wish I can regain my IPL days again some time in the future years. Sigh !!!

March 19, 2009

Kuch Lamhe Chura Lo Na...

In the long run, Life basically constitutes of small wonderful moments only which are stolen from a mundane and mostly nugatory human existence. Ironically,It is only those little,eye candy and cherubic moments that makes you live life everyday. Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were always meant to be there... to serve some sort of purpose, to teach you a lesson or to help figure out who you are or who you want to become.They come into your life to give you the most awe-inspiring moments of your life, albeit with a little heartache. You never know who these people may be but when you look in eyes with them, you know that every moment that you are with them, they will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible,painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength,will power or heart.

People say everything happens for a reason !! Well, even if it doesn't happen for a reason; atleast it gives you moments of self-introspection. Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere, safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.The people you meet affect your life and the moments you share with them affect your life even more.The successes and downfalls that you experience can create who you are, or who you can be as a person.... In fact, they are probably the most decisive and important ones.If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, Its not necessary you may forgive them but atleast realize that they have helped you learn something about trust and the importance of being cautious to which people you open your heart. If someone you, love them back unconditionally not only because they love you, but also because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to little things in life.

Make every day count, make every moment worth living and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people who you have never talked to before, and actually listen.Surround yourself with those who make you smile, laugh, and make you happy.Break free and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you. Create your own life , your own special moments of life and then go live it.

PS: While Blogging, some posts get inspired by a very trivial moment in life. Listen/watch this advertisement which was the trigger behind the moment to celebrate life today for me.

Thaki Se Zindagi Se...
Ruki Se Zindagi Se..
Kuch Lamhe Chura lo Na !!

March 18, 2009

Tu Bas...De De Mera Sath !!

Honestly, I've lost hope of beating my mush drive into submission. Controlling it feels like going up against a sumo wrestler and everything I do to starve him down means he is just hungrier and stronger when I come up against him, always and all the time. One of the side effects of completing a quarter century in life is that the word ‘marriage’ seems to be floating in the air, all the time. It makes people emanate all kinds of sentiments - obsession, fantasy, detest, intimacy and the most boring, acceptance of each other. Lately, too many of my discussions with people revolve around this subject, and I hope this post may just act as a closure to it. And Hang on, I am not even going anywhere near the discussion of pros n cons of Arrange VS Love marriage. I let that happen in another post (or book !!).

Before I rant any further, I would like to share a small little cute love tale about a college friend who got married last year around this time only. I know he is going to kill me for exposing this on a public platform, but its such a sublime love-laced incident, I just can't stop myself quoting the same.(Btw, he himself told this story after drinking 2 glasses of vodka, 3 beers and 1 martini on one of our famous boys "HBS (Hang-Booze-Swear) nightout" in Ice-cube, pub in Noida). So, I, in all probability take the literative liberty today since surely he doesn't remember what all details were blurted out that night :D

So, it goes something like this.After being in a relationship for close to 3 years with the 'dream-girl',he decided to marry her. Now Open up your Imagination senses and think, A typical Sooraj Barjatiya Family wedding scene is going on, 'Pheres' are about to start and their ever lovely and baldy family pundit (priest) was giving instructions to perform the necessary marriage rituals (For the naiive - There is a significance for every Phera taken which is synonymous with each and every aspect of married life). He was listening to each chant attentively and trying to understand the nuances of each of them (after all, he was planning to get married once :P). After the fourth phera, his eyes starting getting moist as there were tears lurking around the corner. And by the end of the fifth, he was sobbing uncontrollably like a child whose favourite toy has been stolen by the big bully neighbor's son. People around got befuddled with this sudden outburst of feminine emotions and many of them - including his mom - tried to cover up the situation by faulting the smoke from the 'havan' as the sinister cause for his sleeky streams of tears.

Later, on the wedding night before consummating the marriage; her wife put forward the obvious question to him - why all that ? And what followed next made me learn so much about marriages and relationships on hearing from him. He said to her :
I didn't realized how much I love you till i hear those chants by the priest. I didn't realized how much happiness you have given me in all these years of togetherness which makes me feel indebted to the affection between us. I just felt more responsible, mature and caring from that very moment towards you. I think i love you ten times more now than i used to before marriage. You just makes me complete - and I Promise I would always do things to make you happy. After this sugary and syrupy talk, no wonder they spent the rest of the night peaching marriage details from each other rather than making love :P

Point is, Marriages do make people grow up in a short span of time, they give u a certain aim, certain direction in life. They make u feel euphoric about sharing your life with someone. People may argue that similar kind of feeling can be felt in a committed relationship. But even those people who have been n done a love marriage would tell u the same old story - There is something which ruckles up your brain cells, while taking those so called "7 pheres" during
Indian wedding rituals. It gives you a distinct feeling which no other feeling of commitment can ever replicate. I say, Being in a marriage can be sometimes nothing more than a full bloodied game - Knowing the rules of the game beforehand is necessary to win it. When we don’t know the rules, we break them even without knowing that we are breaking them, and this leads to being thrown out of the game and if the rule broken has caused too much loss to both the teams, even the game needs to be aborted. We should strictly avoid going to such extremes by aborting a sacred institution like this. All it takes is a bit of patience, tolerance and understanding.

You all may wonder how anyone who is unmarried can feel so strong emotions. Well, i guess its collective effect of attending marriages of friends, colleagues and relatives this season which is taking its toll tonight. But Hey, Don't draw any obvious conclusions. I am not getting married in an iffy. Surely, it would happen when its destined which i hope take a few more years. How it is destined, well only time would tell. However, till it happens I can always listen (i am pretty bad at wont even go there !!) this mellifluous song from 'Raaz 2' : 'Soniyo'- which ends in words (as title of the post suggests) i am sure would hold that much more meaning in future for me and Hope I would feel the same string of emotions of togetherness again..Just one word to wrap it up....Touchwood !!

March 14, 2009

Yeh Tumhari Meri Baatein....

Sometimes some songs just stick with u for a lifetime. Whatever you try in order to deattach them, whatever you try to forget them, they always come back along to haunt you in the most intriguing manner you would ever imagine. And the most charismatic thing is that - they always come back in new situations and tends to bring an entirely different gamut of emotions all along. I just felt the same listening to this song from 'Rock On' after a long time (Where in the past, at times I have deliberately tried to avoid listening to it :P).

There are times when u feel the need to share the joys and sorrows with that someone special. There are times when you miss having those umpteen conversations who used to listen to you all day (and night). There are times when ur cell beeps - and what you get is just not a SMS - its a Special Moment Shared. There are times when you still believe in love at first sight and secretly wish it to come true one day in this lifetime. There are times when you are sleeping alone, yet that tangible feeling of someone's hands in your hairs moving across so slowly, so gently, so carefully as not to disturb your sleep still wants you to feel the warmth across her fingers to its ultimate destination - your Heart.

Ya, i am a big sucker for mush and will always wonder i am writing all this today when my all time fav romantic Hindi movie - DDLJ has completed straight 700 weeks in Maratha Mandir Theatre in Mumbai. Just makes me feel like meeting those people who still goes to see the movie after all these years and ask them just one question - what make u come to see this movie again and again, year after year - the fact that you have been in love for 700 weeks or the fact that you have been unsuccessfully searching love for 700 weeks. I am quite sure, higher percentage would lie with the latter.

They say people learn when in love; well ya, they do learn about themselves a lot - I can bet my life on that. I keep pushing the limits and keep testing the boundaries which were so rigidly predefined in my mind before. Ever since this illusion of being in love has shattered, all avenues have opened to be explored. Love is the most natural emotion of life. Love is the most euphoric, ecstatic, overwhelming joy one can ever experience.But, Before you start loving again, you need to be convinced about one thing - Love yourself before anyone else [Something which i have always failed to do whenever I have been in love in the past :| ]

Self love forms the foundation of your single, most important relationship - that with yourself. The strength of all your other relationships is exactly equal to the strength of this foundation. To love yourself is not simply a self esteem boosting piece of advice. It is the prerequisite to truly loving others. You are likely to have heard it many times, expressed in different ways, thinking it is about loving others. Look a little closer though and you will find that at its very center is the command to love yourself. Self love is a win-win for all. It provides you with an inner happiness, confidence and peace of mind that is not easily swayed by outside events and opinions. It enables you to make healthier choices and the best decisions across all areas of your life from your intimate relationships to your finances. It allows you to truly rejoice in other people's good fortune rather than wondering why, not me or even resenting it. It enables you to be more genuinely loving towards others and to be of greater service to the world at large. Ultimately, the more you love yourself, the more every thing and every one you encounter benefits. How much you are able to practically follow is a Million dollar question !!

March 11, 2009

Best-est Holi or is it ??

A big hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii to all....n big apologies for not blogging for so long. But now on the hindsight - i actually came to know who all people miss reading my blog (if that doesn't sound too presumptuous for the starter :P). And a big happppppy holi to all.....i had a blast this time around with some of my friends and cousins coming along to play Holi in the morning and then partying in the evening.

But as today's day passed and I am here writing the blog tonight...i feel a sense of hollowness creeping in (which has became quite synonymous with my blog i guess by now :D) but i starting finding reasons why i should not be so happy after all.. what started this mood swing was a headline i read while browsing internet. It goes something like this....

Shelly Gupta suffered bullet injuries in both her legs when a fisherman, Mohammad Rashid of Singpur village, opened fire with his gun at a group of children celebrating Holi as they had supposedly sprayed him with colours.She was admitted to the Shahdol District Hospital for treatment where her condition was stated to be out of danger.Hearing gunshots, the villagers gathered and beat up Rashid and later handed him over to police.A case has been registered against the accused.

It made me ponder what is the reason why we celebrate Holi. Prominent reasons like to promote unity among society, make everyone feel equal just goes out of the window when you come to hear such kind of disturbing news. So just why we should celebrate this festival?Is it the decadence of our nation, our cities, or ourselves that we are glorifying? Or is it the debacles of the past year that we rejoice? Have we forgotten 26/11? Maybe everyone has. I have not....I am not here to give you facts and numbers of how many lost their near and dear one’s for the glory of the nation, no. Google can give you that. I am here just to express a point of view. Why are we celebrating and what exactly we are celebrating....a society where intolerance and insincerity has became so rampant that we now even start shooting bullets because someone is playing Holi !!!

I know it sounds really hypocrite of me now to say I should not have played holi in the first place....but had i read it before playing holi this morning.. may be who knows i would have done exactly what i am conveying now. Think of me as you like, I shall not justify. But for me, we just now celebrate life. The joys of being alive, gladness at the capability to do as we like and above all ecstasy at BREAKING RULES! we just feel happy now we are alive to celebrate another Holi ...

How will you feel when you will go to bed tonight thinking that you wasted money, water, and clothes , that could’ve been better utilized, not because you had a good and genuine reason but because "All do it, how can I not do it". Its high time we start questioning ourselves and our actions...

March 4, 2009

Cricket Attack, Country De-attach !!

Cricket lovers the world over will be wondering what the answer is to cricket's latest security problems after the Lahore attack on the Sri Lankan Cricketers last afternoon. It was absolute shocking. I was out of my seat like a cat on the hot tin roof on hearing this. Probably Imraan Khan should eat his words now - No terrorist would ever attack the cricketers. Let's face it - terrorist don't think who they are attacking. They just attack.

The implications for cricket of the Lahore attack will be felt right across the subcontinent. No national team will visit Pakistan for a while. There will be no World Cup matches in Pakistan and it may even be that the World Cup will be moved to a safer part of the world.

India's BCCI are being pushed by the government to put off the IPL because there are questions about India's ability to provide adequate protection, especially at election time. There is also no doubt that foreign teams will also look a little closer at India's ability to protect players after the Mumbai and Lahore attacks. Sri Lankan players are going to take a while to warm to the idea of going back to Pakistan. Indeed, Muttiah Muralitharan has already expressed reservations and others will follow.

Pakistan will be the biggest losers out of all this but don't expect them to take it lying down. They have no option other than to play matches at neutral venues. It would also not surprise me if the PCB decided to implement a home Twenty20 competition similar to the IPL. They must have some cricket at home. They have many wonderful cricketers - amd they are also bound to try to source overseas players prepared to run the risk of playing in Pakistan in return for big money. Given six months or so and no escalation in violence, there will be overseas players prepared to go back to Pakistan. How else do they keep the game alive in their cricket-loving country? Unlikely, I know, but it may just be that it takes an attack on a cricket team to turn Pakistani nationalist opinion against terror. This being the case, there may be some good that emanates from the sad news from Lahore.