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March 18, 2009

Tu Bas...De De Mera Sath !!

Honestly, I've lost hope of beating my mush drive into submission. Controlling it feels like going up against a sumo wrestler and everything I do to starve him down means he is just hungrier and stronger when I come up against him, always and all the time. One of the side effects of completing a quarter century in life is that the word ‘marriage’ seems to be floating in the air, all the time. It makes people emanate all kinds of sentiments - obsession, fantasy, detest, intimacy and the most boring, acceptance of each other. Lately, too many of my discussions with people revolve around this subject, and I hope this post may just act as a closure to it. And Hang on, I am not even going anywhere near the discussion of pros n cons of Arrange VS Love marriage. I let that happen in another post (or book !!).

Before I rant any further, I would like to share a small little cute love tale about a college friend who got married last year around this time only. I know he is going to kill me for exposing this on a public platform, but its such a sublime love-laced incident, I just can't stop myself quoting the same.(Btw, he himself told this story after drinking 2 glasses of vodka, 3 beers and 1 martini on one of our famous boys "HBS (Hang-Booze-Swear) nightout" in Ice-cube, pub in Noida). So, I, in all probability take the literative liberty today since surely he doesn't remember what all details were blurted out that night :D

So, it goes something like this.After being in a relationship for close to 3 years with the 'dream-girl',he decided to marry her. Now Open up your Imagination senses and think, A typical Sooraj Barjatiya Family wedding scene is going on, 'Pheres' are about to start and their ever lovely and baldy family pundit (priest) was giving instructions to perform the necessary marriage rituals (For the naiive - There is a significance for every Phera taken which is synonymous with each and every aspect of married life). He was listening to each chant attentively and trying to understand the nuances of each of them (after all, he was planning to get married once :P). After the fourth phera, his eyes starting getting moist as there were tears lurking around the corner. And by the end of the fifth, he was sobbing uncontrollably like a child whose favourite toy has been stolen by the big bully neighbor's son. People around got befuddled with this sudden outburst of feminine emotions and many of them - including his mom - tried to cover up the situation by faulting the smoke from the 'havan' as the sinister cause for his sleeky streams of tears.

Later, on the wedding night before consummating the marriage; her wife put forward the obvious question to him - why all that ? And what followed next made me learn so much about marriages and relationships on hearing from him. He said to her :
I didn't realized how much I love you till i hear those chants by the priest. I didn't realized how much happiness you have given me in all these years of togetherness which makes me feel indebted to the affection between us. I just felt more responsible, mature and caring from that very moment towards you. I think i love you ten times more now than i used to before marriage. You just makes me complete - and I Promise I would always do things to make you happy. After this sugary and syrupy talk, no wonder they spent the rest of the night peaching marriage details from each other rather than making love :P

Point is, Marriages do make people grow up in a short span of time, they give u a certain aim, certain direction in life. They make u feel euphoric about sharing your life with someone. People may argue that similar kind of feeling can be felt in a committed relationship. But even those people who have been n done a love marriage would tell u the same old story - There is something which ruckles up your brain cells, while taking those so called "7 pheres" during
Indian wedding rituals. It gives you a distinct feeling which no other feeling of commitment can ever replicate. I say, Being in a marriage can be sometimes nothing more than a full bloodied game - Knowing the rules of the game beforehand is necessary to win it. When we don’t know the rules, we break them even without knowing that we are breaking them, and this leads to being thrown out of the game and if the rule broken has caused too much loss to both the teams, even the game needs to be aborted. We should strictly avoid going to such extremes by aborting a sacred institution like this. All it takes is a bit of patience, tolerance and understanding.

You all may wonder how anyone who is unmarried can feel so strong emotions. Well, i guess its collective effect of attending marriages of friends, colleagues and relatives this season which is taking its toll tonight. But Hey, Don't draw any obvious conclusions. I am not getting married in an iffy. Surely, it would happen when its destined which i hope take a few more years. How it is destined, well only time would tell. However, till it happens I can always listen (i am pretty bad at wont even go there !!) this mellifluous song from 'Raaz 2' : 'Soniyo'- which ends in words (as title of the post suggests) i am sure would hold that much more meaning in future for me and Hope I would feel the same string of emotions of togetherness again..Just one word to wrap it up....Touchwood !!


Quirky Mon said...

That was a nice read. I still can't believe guys can talk (or write) like this. I was of the opinion they lack the sensitivity gene! Anyways...i know what you mean in the post bout the "pheras" changing something for you. It surely does. Last Nov, my brother got married, and as I heard the pandit recite the meaning of each phera to my brother and bhabhi, I realized how beautiful and significant its meaning was. And instead of the newly wed, i was the one crying, and trying to pass it off as "something got into my eye". once again, nice post. :)

CutePriya said...

After break-up of five years of a committed relationship...I had stopped believing in the institution of marriage...Such a heart break made me think that god has stopped making guys with such true emotions ...the incident you had told is rarest...wish you all the very best...thanks for sharing this cute story :P

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Quirky Mon
Trust me...guys n think,read n talk like this n they can be more sensitive than u can imagine them to be...its jst that we don't like to show that particular 'gene'. Thanks :)

Hopeless Romantic said...

It was indeed rare...hence it needed to be told...Pleasue is all care sweets:)

Girl Next Door said...

That was a great post. Made me think for a while. Even I am a strong believer of "Institution of Marriage" and that's the only reason that I am still single and waiting for that right person who love me and marry me.

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Girl Next Door
Thanks buddy :)
Well,basis for marriage should be love and nothing else. Rest of things follow itself.I hope u get the right person soon :)..All the best :)

Satans Darling™ said...

Awww... he cried? How sweet is that... She is a lucky girl. Really, touchwood.

Hopeless Romantic said...


We men do cry, what u think we don't have emotions :D

We don't like to show them, that's a different case :D


Richa Sharma said...

I loved reading it!!!! And what a wonderful guy your friend must be...
I have attended several marriages where i have sat through the pheras and heard the chants n their explanation. And i, like an idiot dreamer, always wondered if I will ever get a guy who would hear them, understand them and mean them. This post strengthens my belief that yes, i may get one of this kind :P

btw... i have my own 7 wedding vows which i would want to promise to my guy. After reading this, i shall try n post the same on my blog :)