Looking for Love?

April 27, 2009

I, Me and Myself

In the last few days, I have received one-on-one e-mails and comments on my posts which has asked me to elaborate the kind of a person who is writing such (stupid! :P) stuff on this blog. Basically, its a direct threat to explain lucidly and elaborately about 'Hopeless Romantic'. After a lot of deliberations, I have decided to write a few random things about myself, my likings, my hate-list, my passions, my views etc(Ok, you got the drift na, Cool !). Since this is my 50th post, i think this is the best celebration for my reader friends to let them go through and be agonized by random ranting thoughts about I, Me and Myself.

PS: These scribbled writings are in no particular order and is intended to leave you even more confused about my personality, since i consider this to be a riddle which even god has given up now how to Solve it completely !

PPS: Reader's who give up on this post midway will be highly appreciated and would be awarded a blog award in not less than three business days :D

PPPS: Any coincidences to any person living or dead is absolutely incidental and You can most definitely blame me for any plagiarism. People entertaining such thoughts are most welcome :D:D

Ok, enough of PS's ...let's Begin the crappy post ...all the best who are still reading this ..

1. I am generally quite open about talking/writing on any random topic in this world, however I get an uneasy feeling when I have to describe myself in a few words to people. I get into the mode like Tamanna in Roadies - contemplating what to say about myself. May be thats why i have not been able to write anything in the 'about me' section of this blog or to give a 'description details' of this blog. And it is a source of some serious embarrassment that even after crossing a quarter century of life on this planet, I am still looking for some more statements to completely answer this question. I feel, knowing yourself is like a journey of a lifetime, you don't know where it would take you and you don't know where it will bring you back.

PS: I love Roadies Audition episodes better than the whole Roadies journey episodes. The audition gives you some really quirky and laughter filled moments and at the same time also provides some deep insights into the personality of each and every individual and their thought process. My favourite in Roadies 6.0 was Devrishi's Audition. I have seen it like zillion times, and it still spills me in laughter every time i see it again ! Btw, Congrats for Naumaan or (no-man :P) on winning this year Roadies 6.0 in the Sunday's Final episode.

2. I have always been fascinated with the way people work in Movies. Leave apart the glitz and the glamour associated with this profession, I have always been eager to see how writers and the directors write and execute the scenes/movies on the screen. Watching movies has always been one of the top most past times for me, actually calling it "past-time" is like doing an insult to the passion I have for this creative work. On top of this, i come from a field (of a software engineer) which is no where closely connected with this passion. Incidentally, During my engineering days, just to win a stupid competition among fellow engineers, i watched 43 first-day-first-show movies with ardent passion and fervor, only to realize later that second best was languishing way behind at 7 movies.

PS: I am not even counting the first-day-second-show or first-day-third-show movies i saw during the 4 years. And, i Have lost count of the total movies i have seen in this way till date.

PPS: Check out this blog for reviews of movies all across the world, in all major languages. A delight to read for any passionate movie watcher.

3. Reading books has always fascinated me. Give me any book on any topic - fiction, non-fiction, autobiographies, biographies, self help books and most probably i can read it all along. Moreover, reading has probably survived a plethora of other distractions Over the years and has yet maintained to be some of choicest hobbies I possess! I personally feel avid readers tend to have a better grasp on realities and are known to be better judges of people and the relationships. But reading as a habit has always allowed to nurture a wholesome sense of well being within me. I have read 673 books so far in this lifetime, and i feel greatly indebted to
my ex-gf for introducing me to a world of books. I consider it to be a decent enough number since despite of having a good reading speed and the deep-down-heartly-intention of reading books, I started reading seriously only in 2003 when i came into contact with her.

PS: Just in case you are wondering how ludicrously i am giving such an exact number of books; well, i manage an excel sheet for the same and make entries in it as soon as i am finished reading a book.

4. Ok, this may sound really cliche as you may hear from any Indian across the length and breadth of the country, but I am also in love with the Cricket. I can probably tell you most of the titsy-bitsy things about matches, players, teams and venues about this majestic game. I can't breathe properly without reading about the game every other alternate hour. It runs in my veins, in my blood, in my heart, in my brains, in my...ok, ok Let me cut the crap ! :D

PS: As some of you may be aware of this blog, about Indian premiere League (IPL) which has really caught attention and hit the headlines in the past few days. Its witty, humorous, takes players pants and undies off even without realizing they have been stripped off. A must read and followed blog in this IPL season.

5. They say God lives everywhere. Ok, but then why people go to pilgrims to search for God. They say its God who always gives you the happy moments in life. Ok, but then why don't people realize that the same god gives you sad moments in life. They say god exists in our hearts and souls. Ok, but then why the people constructs temples, mosques and churches across the cities to look for God. They say caring for humans is like caring for the God. Ok, but then why people always choose to kill humans to pave a path to God. They say keeping fasts in the name of the God helps in fulfilling all your wishes in life. Ok, but then why people blame it on their destiny and God's willingness when those wishes are not completed later. They say Humans is the creator of natural order in this world. Ok, but then why people consider god to be the ultimate creator and manager of scientific rules in this world. They tell us to follow god because everyone around you does so. Ok, but then why don't these people prove that God exists and I Promise, I would follow them .

PS: I am an agnostic moving towards being an atheist. I want to see how God can stop me from this conversion. Period !

6. Love is probably the most ecstatic and euphoric feeling I have ever experienced in this life time. There have been different stages of love which i have explored during these years of my existence. There is something so pure, so magical, so enigmatic which comes along with it, it makes you go through the ups and downs from every corner of your heart's emotional lake. Love in life is what makes you break relationships at times, Love in life is what makes you create and explore newer pastures of companionship. Love in life is what brings rolling tears, Love in life is what makes brings smiles all over your face with its subtle nuances.

PS: The origin of the URL of this blog (which some people find to be weird !) is a line blurted out by Pilar, a young university student, in the novel - ' By the River Piedra, I sat down and Wept' by Paulo Coelho. She is bored with her mundane life and is looking for greater meaning from the present existence, its then she meets her childhood sweetheart, who is now a spiritual teacher and the rest encompasses the journey thereafter. A must read book, and it was the tip off point of this blog - Hopeless Romantic.

7. Blogging is something which started as a hobby and became a passion later on. I blogged anonymously about random day-to-day scribbling for about an year before starting this new blog with all my realities intact. Even though its been like 15 months on this blog, i haven't still left a few traits from my older blog. They are as follows in the most erratic order you can think off ...

a) I am still the most unimaginative blogger when it comes to putting pictures to elucidate my thoughts. I am from the old school of bloggers where i put all the onus on the readers to read,imagine and feel the stream of emotions, all by themselves.

b) I still don't use writing variations in one single post. I neither have the patience, nor the temperament to keep on choosing and changing fonts type/size/colours. I have seen blogs where people use 5-6 different colours to write a post, like each and every colour will signify the emotions from the bottom of their hearts. Hats off to them !

c) I still can't write short stuff. Generally most of my posts have been like really long, and i never bother to edit them to keep them concise. I can understand how the readers have to sit through my posts so as to curse me for taking them on emotional roller coaster rides, only glitch is that i don't get paid for taking them on those free rides :P

PS: There is a wave of writing 55 fiction among the fellow bloggers. Man, i can't even think an iota of doing the same. If someone is starting 5500 fiction, then let me know, may be i can join the bandwagon. Otherwise, there is always road less travelled in this world. I better start my journey alone :)

Final PS: Anyone still reading this, or everyone dozed off by now. :D

April 20, 2009

Love Knows No Rules....

'Hello', he said in a melancholic tone.
'Hello', she said in a super-melancholic tone.

"Where you have been all morning ? I am trying your number since morning. How many times i have told you to tell me atleast that you are busy and can't talk?" Kabir said in a tense voice with a bit of anger lurking around the corner of his voice.

"There was no network. And I Couldn't call from home. Mom and dad were around". She replied.
"Then how come you have called now?" He questioned.
"They are not at home right now. Gone for an after dinner walk". She replied again
"This is disgusting. The whole day u didn't got a single minute to give me a call. And specially when you know that i will be worried. You are never bothered Shiwangi !". Her name was taken with utter disappointment and a sense of irritation.

"Ya,Right. I am never bothered." She lost it a bit.
"Shut up, Shiwangi, Just cut the crap !!
"No, you are right. I am never bothered and why I should be Kabir". His name was taken with affection of a word-weaver, as if slowly weaving each alphabet of his name.

"Offo!! shut up na. All well?"
"How does it matter to you. I am not bothered. And you should also not be concerned".
"Shiwangi, Please tell me. All well ?"
"I can't tell you right now. I'll try and meet you over the weekend". Kabir could sense that all was not well.
I can't hang up like that Shiwangi, You are making me nervous. Atleast give me a hint"
"I can't marry you Kabir". She summoned all her courage to say that. To say that without breaking in one single go.

"what?" Sometimes expression defies any logic. Sometimes silence is the best conversation you can have with someone. Sometimes its better to just shut up than to start a blame game.

"Ya, I can't marry you". I' will talk to u later.Bye.

He said bye. He couldn't talk any more. He hung up. He needed a lot of time to absorb that shock. He knew what the reason was. He knew that this is going to happen; it was on the cards but He still needed time to get over with this shock.

3 days Later

"Kabir, you have just started working. It's been just 3 months, and you are trying to find your professional footage. You know the age difference between us, elder female partners are frowned upon in our society. You know the religious bigotry and narrow mindedness of our parents, they would never allow the inter-caste marriages." Shiwangi blurted out all the reasons she can muster for not being able to continue with the relationship, telling them one by one would have caused more heart-ache.

Kabir just kept looking at her, she was looking as beautiful as when he saw her for the first time. But his feeling of resentment took over him and he kept quiet.

"It's not going to work, Kabir". "Trust me, yaar" she said with the pain of her heart echoing from her voice.

"That's the only mistake i made with you, trusting you. All these fucking excuses never crossed your mind in all these three years with me. Get lost, Shiwangi". Just fuck off.

'I am really sorry Kabir, and I am sorry for all the pain i am causing you." She said with tears sweeping around the corner of her eyes.

She came forward and they hugged each other; the warmth was missing and the spontaneity in the act was such that it wasn't clear, who wanted to get rid of the other person faster. But it indeed, was their last 'bear hug'. Shiwangi left, leaving behind - her broken heart and her sobbing 'kid' Kabir.

3 years later

"Sir,Please sign here". Their relationship was shared over some stale signatures on the cheque book.

"Madam, One more sign here". Their relationship was shared over long tumultuous period of self- introspection of who is doing more wrong things.

"Ok, We are set. All the formalities done. My best wishes for you.". Said, the person who was franatically taking their signatures over various papers in the last half an hour.

"All the best Shiwangi. Take care", Said Gautam, clearly faking the last bit of affection.
"Ya, you too. God bless". Said Shiwangi, clearly trying to get rid of the last bit of affection left.

They both move towards their cars, to finally leave each other alone to ponder a lot on their lives. And they left the official premises of Ramdev Chaudhary, senior 'domestic affairs' advocate of Bangalore high Court. They were finally divorced.

3 weeks later

Shiwangi was standing outside Kabir's building. She has finally got here. Looking for him fanatically over all networking websites, making calls to their common friends, finally tracing his current whereabouts, booking tickets to Pune and coming here sapped all her energies in last three weeks. She wanted to give her 'kid' a surprise. So, didn't called her on his new mobile number.The lift to the 14th floor made her go through 1400 emotions curling inside the stomach. Eventually, standing outside his flat, she rang the bell.The door was opened by a male servant.

"Haanji Madamji...."
"Kabir....". She did not wanted to take his full name. She has always called him "'kaabii".
"You've come to meet Saheb". Shiwangi simply nodded.
"Saheb will be back any moment. He has asked me to take care of any of his friends who come in his absence."

Shiwangi entered the house and sat on the sofa. Nostalgic feelings came rushing back like streams of water come during the flood. She was shaking like a teenager who had fallen in love for the first time. She felt Kabir putting his head on her lap. She felt like stroking his hairs. She felt waiting for him was making her more anxious. And then the wait got over....

"Shiwangi, how come you are here?" A voice broke her from the unvanquished memories of their togetherness, their relationship. It was him, smarter than before.

"Hey, Kabir, how are you?" she jumped with joy and moved towards Kabir, completely unaware and unmindful of her body language. However, she had to stop herself mid-way as Another female voice broke her journey of Love. A woman, clad in a maroon Saree, entered from behind Kabir.

"Aakansha, she is Shiwangi. And Shiwangi...this is my wife. We just got married in the court today". Said Kabir.

Shiwangi felt like a zombie moving in the dense lanes of a jungle, not even trying to find a way out of it. She had an inkling that it was just bad timing, she congratulated them and left the home, "Mr. and Mrs. Kabir Malik's Home". As she took a few steps, she suddenly remembered she has left her bag on the sofa. She returned and heard his voice one last time....

" I have absolutely no idea why she came here. It's a puzzle for me. I have never hoped to see her again. You know what Akansha, Certain relationships are doomed. They are meant to give you agony and pain, nothing else. These relationships can't be defined but happen because they are destined to happen. I want to erase this chapter of my life forever. Yes, I wish I had never fallen in love with Shiwangi."

Shiwangi frenzily ran down the whole 14 floors, her heart throbbing and crying for Love...A love which was always hers. A love which she let it go so easily from her hand like sand. A love she never fought enough for when the bad times came. A love for which she came to claim, knowing aptly how selfish she has become. A Love which wished ' he had never fallen in love with her'....Sigh !!

April 16, 2009

The Game Begins Now.....

Ladies and Gentlemen, Get your seat belts locked in, the second edition of the cash-rich Indian Premiere league kicks off in Cape town from Friday, with four matches scheduled over the weekend. As i said before here, it was heart-beaking to see the tournament shifted to South Africa, but i am elated that atleast it is happening this year. Just seeing the Gala Parade on TV this evening by all the eight participating teams, i am damn sure it is going to be as exciting and fun filled as it was last time around. I have some fantastic memories to cherish from last year Matches in Delhi. The crowd, the atmosphere inside and outside the ground, Akshay Kumar's stunts at the Kotla, the merchandise items of Delhi Team, and offcourse, a fantastic company of friends and cousins to boast of. Alas,i am going to miss all that this year !!

PVR multiplexes (may be a few others too!) are planning to show the IPL matches in the cinema halls from this weekend. Reason is simple, Due to the ongoing tussle between the Producers association of Indian film Industry (and not, Bollywood :D), they are not going to be any movies released during April, so it is better for them to show the IPL matches. I Hope, the entry tickets are not exorbitantly priced, so that its possible for any common man to go and watch the matches. Anyone from Delhi, interested in doing the same, let me know, we can plan out something for the Delhi Daredevil matches !

As per last analysis done after the IPL auction, a lot of changes have occured in the squads of each of the team. But as per my say, i still fancy these four teams in the semi-finals - Delhi Daredevils, Chennai Super Kings, Rajasthan Royals and Mumbai Indians. But, my gut feeling says that with five South african players in their ranks, Bangalore royal Challengers can be a dark horse in this tournament. And as the advertisement on the Max says - Have You chosen your side this IPL season?. If not, take the pick now, and let me know !!

Just for the Cricket purists, the 2011 World Cup qualifiers will also culminate over the weekend with Last round of matches scheduled for tomorrow at different venues of South Africa. Read here, One match left for each team and all to play for. My only genuine interest in keeping touch with these matches is the final result of the Afghanistan Team. For a war-torn country, who actually started playing official cricket only 6 years back, getting the official ODI status for the next 4 years will be a big boost.
Getting into the 2011 World Cup to be jointly hosted by India, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh and possibly Pakistan, is an additional bonus. Most members of the team were introduced to the cricket, when they heard the celebratory fire shots in the refugee camps when Pakistan won the world cup in 1992.The team has overcome war and poverty to get where they are today. Most in the team have lost family members to war. They have learnt the game by practicing (with a tennis ball) in the dusty refugee camps borne out of US invasion after 9/11. And as one of their players said during the interview to a TV news channel, with tears in his eyes - "I have seen people die and I have not shed a tear. But there is something about cricket that gets me here. And then pointing towards his heart, he said, Cricket is our chance.Probably, our only chance to show the world what Afghanistan can do." Sigh !...Its a tremendous triumph of human spirit. Its a win for the underdog, however small or big it is going to be in the end. Its a triumph of the message of Peace and harmony, we so desperatly want to implement in today's world. I wish them all the best for the weekend matches.

PS: Last week, i finished reading The Kite Runner By Khaled Hosseini.
The story is set against a backdrop of tumultuous events, from the fall of the monarchy in Afghanistan through the Soviet Union, from the mass exodus of refugees to Pakistan to the rise of Taliban regime in Afghanistan. Very touching, extremely sophisticated and sensitive portryal of the characters. A must Read for everyone.And now, I am Planning to watch the movie now with the same name !!

April 14, 2009

Installation of Love !!

As kids, we used to daydream of going into time machines, so as to see the future, see various places and experience various societies.Some of us even dream doing that now. But, may be a day comes where we are all devoid of emotions, devoid of Love. At that point of time, how should we go about creating an atmosphere of Love and harmony can be a question of paramount importance. I came across this elaborate
description of the process (in a forwarded e-mail) while 'installing Love' in our hearts in future years. Its humorous, still in its own way it makes you think where we are headed in this extremely sophisticated, technological and unemotional world, which in all respect we have chosen ourselves. Read on....

A call comes through on the customer service line.

Customer Service Rep: Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install love। Can you guide me through the process?

CS Rep: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?

CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART। Have you located your HEART ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now। Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am? Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH- ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off। Can you tell me how?

CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done। LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep: Yes। You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do। Is it completely installed?

CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program। You need to begin connecting to other Heart's in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?

CS Rep: What does the message say?

Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS।" What does that mean?

CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.

Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF।DOC, REALIZE-WORTH।TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any programming. Also, you need to delete SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back, you will need to empty your recycle bin.

Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep: Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep: Excellent. You're getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep: You're welcome!

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?

C Rep: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go.

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?

CS Rep: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician. Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the manufacturer suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency.
Give a little love away ... keep in touch.

April 12, 2009

Love Happens Once, Rest Is Just Life !

She was my best friend's girl friend's best friend. We met at my best friend's girl friend's birthday party and my best friend's girl friend's not-so best friend introduced her to me (Does that make you groggy, Never Mind !).
She came like a whiff of fresh air in the party occupied by cronies of my best friend and her girl friend, almost stealing the limelight from the other female species across the floor.While the introduction process was getting conducted; she looked at me like the girl wanting One more bottle in the Pepsi Ad , stopped for a moment like the girl in the TVS scooty ad, blinked her eyes once like the girl in the Kamasutra condom ad, passed a dazzling smile like the girl in the close-up ad and threw her hair back like the girl in the Sunsilk Shampoo Ad.What didn't crossed my mind at that point of time was that someone has fallen in love with me at first sight. Well, Almost !

I met her again at the inter-college fest in the cold and chilly January of 2003. We danced (ok, she danced, and i tried unsuccessfully matching her steps) on all the Bollywood and Punjabi songs, the DJ was playing that night at the lush campus lawns of Delhi University. After the Jam session, as we were heading our respective homes, exchanging long drawn pleasantries were more of an excuse to steal some more moments of togetherness, which we both were lingering to the core. A few days later, I came to know through my best friend's girl friend that she is holding feelings for me which were slightly more than 'just friends' and definitely less than ' lust friends'. I got her number and dropped a SMS, and then one more and more and more, till i lost count of them. End result, Our first fabulicious date in Barista near PVR Priya, in Delhi. Proposing her after a couple of meetings was probably more of a formality, but still did that formally with Lilaceious Tulips and a Hall mark card on her birthday. And as with most of the girls (or should i say All !), she required time to ponder over her pounding heart and then like all the girls (or should i say Most!), said YES.

Time with her not just used to fly, it used to take the speed of jumbo jet. Her talks would give me the feeling of calmness, yet very sore ears. Her affection used to make me feel proud, yet make me humble in front of others.We once spent 8 hours in one single room talking to each other till dawn, when it struck me I could have utilized the time in fulfilling my erotic fantasies.
She gave me 21 gifts when i turned 21, and even 5 more birthday's after that, I consider it to be my most memorable and exhaustive birthday. And before you try to wander your mind in exploring the reason why it turned out to be 'exhaustive'; well, I had a tough time removing all the love-slips which she has put on all those gifts, so that my Mom and sister don't caught me having a secret affair, while taking the wrapped gifts back home.

Bunking engineering classes every Friday morning to catch the first day first show of movies became a norm, a routine i was more than happy to follow. Catching up over a cup of coffee became a habit, an addiction i was more than willing to continue. Playing with fingers while holding hands together became a passion, a stimulant i was more than energized to extend. Tickling her waistline and making her jump became orgasmic, a dullard act i was more then perked up to perform.Hearing each others insecurities and limitations were like going in a futuristic time machine, a journey i was more than concerting to take together. We were in love, oblivious to worldly sins and pleasures, and seeds of being a 'Hopeless Romantic' were more than ready to germinate.

But as the case with All perfect love stories,things started going awry as our professional ambitions got better of each other love strokes and strikes. She was keen on settling abroad, just like her sister did couple of years before we broke off, and most probably in the same city. It would have allowed her to be in touch with her sister family and helped her to take care of her aging parents who were moving to the same city as her sister in that year. I had no intentions of settling abroad, me being a core delhite and me being the only son of my parents.(Working abroad for a few years is/was an exception).It was a mutual break off after fifteen months of sharing every moment of our lives with each other, but it was something which broke a lot of things inside us. With shattered pieces of our broken heart, we moved on in life. Three months later, she moved abroad for her masters. Busy with studies and later on, our respective professional life made the pain somewhat less, but scratches still remained. It sucked, but it stucked.

She is married now,permanently settled in another part of the world and was recently blessed with a baby girl in January. But what shocked me out of my wits on hearing this good news was the name she has decided to give to her baby, a name which Once upon a time, we facetiously decided together for our female offspring - Vastavikta. It was indeed a true
reality which hit my heart with its gamut of emotions, with its mushing musings and with its pensive thoughts. I didn't even knew how to react to it, i was too numb to even say anything to her at that point of time. Ambitions came in between our love life and distances broke the road connecting our hearts. I wish only one thing now for her - that let V be the best daughter in the world !!

April 7, 2009

The Unspoken Love..

She was my first 'real' childhood crush. (Not counting Pamela Anderson's Dumbbells Silicon Acts in Baywatch, running on Malibu beach in California). But, she was the first one to give me swings and twirls in the stomach. She was the first one, with whom striking a conversation for the 'most talkative' student in the class was as difficult as getting your report card signed by the parents, specially when you have flunked in a paper. We were friends, n best one too, though we never admit it officially. I literally made her cry, when i hit the Science teacher with a chalk, and the teacher thought she did it, sitting on the next bench in front of me. I literally fainted on the sunny afternoon
practicing too much for Annual Sports Day because she said, Amit, You can win the 100m Race this year.

She was the focal point of my vivid imagination, be in class, bus stop or canteen. She was the simulacra of the women i was fascinated with, at that adolescent age.
She became Shipa Shetty of Bazigaar, but I didn't wanted to throw her down from a multi-storey building. Not that it was going to be painful, but i wanted her to die in my arms. She became Scott Neal of The beautiful thing, but I couldn't think her mother to be a devil. Not that it was going to be torchorous for her,but i wanted her to be teased only by me and my antics. She became Kajol of Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, but I didn't wanted her to cry when she gets married to someone else. Not that I was going to leave her , but I wanted her to wait for me atleast till I turn 21.

By the time I realized my schmaltzy and soppy feelings for her, her dad got a transfer in his government job to a place on another extreme of India. I waited to tell her about my affection and she waited for me to turn up to her, to say things she always wanted to hear. On her last day at school, i was so nervous, I couldn't muster enough courage to talk and say a proper goodbye to her. Not that i was expecting a goodbye kiss, but I wanted her not to feel bad about leaving the school , and more importantly ME. I just stuffed the Archies 'goodluck card' in her black school bag during the lunch-break and allowed myself to be relieved of her memories forever. Foolishly, not knowing that the memories are like ghost stories, they always come back to haunt you.

She left Delhi, got settled, and in the new school and in the new class, she made new friends -Twinkle, Swati, Tisha in that order. Months later, when i heard the sequence of her friends, i was enrapted and ecstatic by not finding even a single male species in that list. But there was a silence between us, which never got broken. She never contacted me and neither did I bothered to talk to her. Keeping her complete postal address written in a diary for all those years just became an accomplishment, my most cherished one. Year went by, we grew up, and memories started to vaporize with the steam of a mundane life. Not that i wanted anything from her, but then letting her know what i felt for her once upon a time became just an ambition, which i wanted to accomplish, my most prized one. Trying to find her after starting an account on orkut and Facebook was like an unquenched thirst in the desert of Social Networking Websites. I never found her, though I did sent friend requests to zillions of females, with the same name (and any relationship status), who denied the request thinking me of a pervert of the highest order.

14 years later, One winter night I got a friend request, and reading the name of the person who sent it, made me jump in joy so hard, i thought i would never come back to ground on two legs. Ya, the request was from her. She was married 2 years back, married at a third extreme corner of India, and in short - fit, fine and well settled. Going through the Photo albums on orkut - of her marriage, of her workplace, of her honeymoon brought a gulp in my throat. Not that i was wishing myself to be with her, but the fact that she was with someone else, and happy too. From no where a streak of jealousy came and hit me for a moment, only to realize later the impracticality of that bodily function.

Conversations flew on gtalk and yahoo messenger. I wished i was using a few more of chat tools, i would have added her there as well. Loosing her again was a chance i didn't wanted to take in this lifetime. Discussing 14 years of life was not easy, but she made it extremely cordial for me. And then i Did something which I have always wanted to do, fulfill my ambition, tell her what i used to feel for her in class 7, regardless of the ramifications that how stupid and immature it may sound to her. But her response gave my otterly dull and monotonous life a streak of brightness and viciousness. She said, she felt the same way at that time, and waited for me to talk to her before she left the school. Sigh!! I finally did told her, only glitch is, i was a bit late, Actually just 14 years late !!

And then, Just one line from her for which, I am going to cherish this friendship all my life, I am going to respect her at all times, I am going to wish her luck all the time. She said - Amit, You would always be a special person in my life. And that is because, I know you from the time I knew what Love is. I know you from the time I knew what it is to feel like being in Love. And I know you since the time when i felt the pain of being in Love. We never talked for 14 years, but you influenced my life and my future relationships immensely.

I was touched and I couldn't say anything to her after that, apart from One word - Touch wood !!

April 5, 2009

Outsourcing to Me - You must be kidding !!

I was watching Roadies 6.0 on MTV this evening, a show which I like and hate in equal proportions for various reasons. But today, Natasha (my favourite, and probably the most vile and cunning) had to leave the show, after what I call as the most supid mistake in the entire 6 seasons of Roadies, by nominating Paulomi during the vote-out. She was a call centre employee before coming on the show and i can vivdly remember her audition in Chandigarh, in which Raghu mentioned a very pretinent point. He said, 'It's good that BPO has given lots of employment and financial independence to youth, but at the same time it has made our youth a dumbass, good for nothing' There were views and counterviews exchanged, at the end of which, she was selected. But ironically, over the weekend, I was reading a book namely BPO sutra by Sudhindra Mokhasi. It contains 150 short stories from India's BPO and call centres work culture, calls, cab-travel, parties, scams etc. Its a breezy read, anyone working in BPO (or Non-BPO like me) would surely enjoy it. There is one particular story i would like to share which had me in Splits.It goes something like this...

Tarun, who was a new hire had joined the team recently. Being a little slow, he was way off his target and was trying to make up by working very hard. He was trashed by the manager and sales coach to stop using his brains and just read the script out the minute he got someone on the phone.One day, he was trying the numbers on his calling list and finally got through to someone on the phone numbers. After the initial 'name-verification' formalties, he said..

Mr. Svarowski, we have studied your organization and we believe there is a very good fit in terms of our capabilties. An organization quite similar to yours is saving more than than 30 percent of its expenditures by outsourcing work to us. Our services cover the range of your operations from back office management to help desk, payroll and even manning the reception desk.

'I'm not sure I understand,' began Mr. Svarowski but Tarun immediately started with the next part of his pitch reading from the script.

I'm offering an outsourced services solution where you will be free to take care of your core business without having to worry about all the backend processes. You can concentrate on your products and clients acquistion while we manage all the background processes like payroll, query centre, reception desk etc. we have proven expertise in this field as proved by the testimonies of similar customers who are saving a significant amount of money by outsourcing all the backend work to us. we will get all the backend work done here in India even while you are asleep and at a fraction of what the same it would cost you when you are in USA. How does it sound to you? He finished breathlessly.

There was a pause for the minute and Mr. Svarowski said, 'I'm not sure you have the right number, son. This is the Bayview area police station and I'm the senior most police official here. We handle cases related to rape, murder, burglary,arson and vandalism among other things. It will be rather difficult to outsource the investigation of any of the above."

All Tarun could have said after that was - ' Thank you for your time and have safe day' :P

I literally fall off from my chair reading this and couldn't agree more to Raghu on this account. Call centres do make people dumb (Pun intended, never mind !!)

April 1, 2009

Random Rants....

Running really busy tonight, so just random rants in points today :-

(a) Firstly, Happy April Fool's day.And, on this occasion, Phoenix tried to played smart, but we caught her red-blue-black handed:)

Also, While surfing found a practical, yet funny quote on April Fool's day. Here, it is

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a Fool Day's joke for seventeen long years?

I Agree, I Agree, I Agree ...Sniff, Sniff !!

(b) I have been awarded the Cute blogger Award By Sameera. Hey Sam, thanks a lot.

On this momentous occasion, I would like to thank my parents, my sexy (oops!) teachers at school and college, my puppy....ok cut !! More ranting!!

(c) Coming to Cricket, World Cup qualifiers gets underway today in South Africa.The gold, glitz and sheer opulence of the IPL(which is happening later this month in SA) contrasts against 12 sides (in WC Qualifiers)is as diverse and hotchpotch as Countries like Oman, Bermuda, Afghanistan and Denmark, each of whom are battling for four places in the 2011 World Cup. In addition, the top six will qualify for ODI status and, with it, a sizable increase in funding, even if Lalit Modi would scoff at such minuscule sums.

Staying With cricket, I came across this Blog post from Anna on the cream of cricket. Its wacky, witty and seriously entertaining (Statutory Warning: Its only for the purists)

(d) I had real fun answering the tag questions the other day. And, I can see everyone being addicted to it. Its infectious, to say the least. Happy Tagging !!

(e) And last but not the least,There is a good news on the professional front, but details on that later this month till i finalize everything.(Don't wanna shoot my foot beforehand :P)