May 31, 2009
Am I loosing My way ?
I am sure i am loosing my true identity as a blogger somewhere in the networking of my blog. My whole motive of starting a blog with my true credentials is unfortunately taking a back seat now. With each passing day, it seems i am promenading through the blogs with the aim of not reading and learning from them, but finding the so called potential followers. The passion which i used to exude while sharing life stories is diminishing in the sauntering hopping of blogs to find the possible readers. Somewhere in this desert of blogosphere, the real thirst of telling and sharing a story is getting replaced with the irritating ostentation in having a 'x' number of followers and a 'y' number of readers!
The last few days have been tough, in the sense of negative thought process i have to work through from all the corners in life. I have cursed myself, I have doubted my writing ability and I have drafted numerous tales to decide later not to post them. I have entertained thoughts of uttermost negativism,up to an extent of even giving up writing completely on this blog.The feeling of replying to a nice piece of work on any blog is now being replaced by the otiose thoughts such as - will he/she follow by blog? will he/she reply to my comments? will he/she judge me personally by what i write in a blog. It has become an utterly pointless saga of convincing myself with the true intentions of writing on this blog. My brain cells are playing a game between being a good networker and a good writer, with such ferocious intensity which may even put to shame the competitiveness with which teams play in Indian Premiere League.
I have always been a staunch believer in not taking blogging as just any other frivolous quotidian activity. For me blogging comes with a tag line of - 'making a difference to the world'. Somewhere deep down i feel; rather than introspecting why an 'x' person is getting 100 comments on one line of 'googled' quote, i should actually think about numerous fictional tales brewing up in my mind, even as i write this post. Somewhere at the corner of my heart i feel, rather than wondering why a 'y' person is getting 80 comments on writing lyrics of a bollywood song, i should actually concentrate about making my readings more entertaining and interesting. I am gradually loosing the passion of a blogger wanting to make a small difference to a large multi-cultured society like us. I am tardily getting entrapped in the dilly-dallying of my thoughts and values which i want to potentially portray through this blog.
Just thinking about such things, I have decided to stay back from blogging till i sort out my priorities and get them right on track.I won't be posting any new stuff till i get my attitude towards blogging at the right place. I would surely like to come back to pour my thoughts on this empty white blogger board. Its extremely significant for me to write with a right frame of mind; a mind which is oblivious to the machinations of the networking in blogging, a mind which is devoid of jealousy of fellow bloggers' number of followers and comments on each post, a mind which is barren from the thoughts of negativity and irresponsible thinking. A mind which only knows only one thing - to write with a goal in mind and to write which brings a smile to the readers.
And As i was telling a friend a few hours back, In love, there are hookups and breakups around you; In love, there are ramblings and scribblings of the heart; In love, there are fights and indecision's between people; In love, there is hopelessness and Romanticism in the relationship; And somewhere amidst all these emotional roller coaster rides of Love, there exist an ever eternal - The Hopeless Romantic :D