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May 31, 2009

Am I loosing My way ?


I am sure i am loosing my true identity as a blogger somewhere in the networking of my blog. My whole motive of starting a blog with my true credentials is unfortunately taking a back seat now. With each passing day, it seems i am promenading through the blogs with the aim of not reading and learning from them, but finding the so called potential followers. The passion which i used to exude while sharing life stories is diminishing in the sauntering hopping of blogs to find the possible readers. Somewhere in this desert of blogosphere, the real thirst of telling and sharing a story is getting replaced with the irritating ostentation in having a 'x' number of followers and a 'y' number of readers!


The last few days have been tough, in the sense of negative thought process i have to work through from all the corners in life. I have cursed myself, I have doubted my writing ability and I have drafted numerous tales to decide later not to post them. I have entertained thoughts of uttermost negativism,up to an extent of even giving up writing completely on this blog.The feeling of replying to a nice piece of work on any blog is now being replaced by the otiose thoughts such as - will he/she follow by blog? will he/she reply to my comments? will he/she judge me personally by what i write in a blog. It has become an utterly pointless saga of convincing myself with the true intentions of writing on this blog. My brain cells are playing a game between being a good networker and a good writer, with such ferocious intensity which may even put to shame the competitiveness with which teams play in Indian Premiere League.

I have always been a staunch believer in not taking blogging as just any other frivolous quotidian activity. For me blogging comes with a tag line of - 'making a difference to the world'. Somewhere deep down i feel; rather than introspecting why an 'x' person is getting 100 comments on one line of 'googled' quote, i should actually think about numerous fictional tales brewing up in my mind, even as i write this post. Somewhere at the corner of my heart i feel, rather than wondering why a 'y' person is getting 80 comments on writing lyrics of a bollywood song, i should actually concentrate about making my readings more entertaining and interesting. I am gradually loosing the passion of a blogger wanting to make a small difference to a large multi-cultured society like us. I am tardily getting entrapped in the dilly-dallying of my thoughts and values which i want to potentially portray through this blog.

Just thinking about such things, I have decided to stay back from blogging till i sort out my priorities and get them right on track.I won't be posting any new stuff till i get my attitude towards blogging at the right place. I would surely like to come back to pour my thoughts on this empty white blogger board. Its extremely significant for me to write with a right frame of mind; a mind which is oblivious to the machinations of the networking in blogging, a mind which is devoid of jealousy of fellow bloggers' number of followers and comments on each post, a mind which is barren from the thoughts of negativity and irresponsible thinking. A mind which only knows only one thing - to write with a goal in mind and to write which brings a smile to the readers.

And As i was telling a friend a few hours back, In love, there are hookups and breakups around you; In love, there are ramblings and scribblings of the heart; In love, there are fights and indecision's between people; In love, there is hopelessness and Romanticism in the relationship; And somewhere amidst all these emotional roller coaster rides of Love, there exist an ever eternal - The Hopeless Romantic :D

54 comments:

The Pink Orchid said...

me first

The Pink Orchid said...

Amit,
dekh yaar..everything that you said makes complete sense..and trust me I have gone through this earlier.. only to fuck it all later and rediscover the passionate blogger within me..

your writes are gems..each one of them...because you are perfectionist..

oh ja yaar,,maine koi tareef nahi karna..
this post explains and justifies all the 'hmms' to me..
and jab tak dil na kare tu blogging mut kar.. it is meant to do all that you said - mostly your thing about making a difference in the world is respectable..i wish i could do that...may be i will/am..i dunno..
but most of all blogging is supposed to bring to us a sense of satisfaction..which comes with each post 'only' (comments and followers are secondary)..and what you feel about what you wrote,after reading it..


yaar you know it all..and you are way too mature compared to me..i am practically a no-one explaining things to you..

and i am not a part of your network..i am a friend (heavy term, but call it similar to a friend..or may be blogger friend like how you keep saying).. at least i'd like to assume that.. but ji agar aapko networking lagti hai aur kisi tarah ki takleef pahunchi hai meri wajah se..
then here,
I Resign...

Satans Darling™ said...

Hello hello!

Well, how does it matter who reads and who comments? All that matters is that you are happy with what you write! I personally started blogging coz I needed to voice myself out, and in the middle somewhere even I thought of having an x number of followers and y number of comments but a couple of days later I had that WTF moment [Like the one in my previous post.. What was I thinking?!] and it was all back to normal.

What would help, I think it's better to blog when you want to than to blog when others want you to.

Cheers and be back soon! We love your writing, comment ho ya na ho :)

M.J. said...

I can relate to what you're saying. Sometimes the blogosphere--and other social media platforms--make me feel like I'm in a high school popularity contest.

While I do work to build an online community of friends whose blogs I follow and comment on, and who follow and comment on my blog, I don't decide what to write about based on them. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I am inspired by other people's blogs or by e-mail exchanges with other bloggers. These discussions definitely influence the thoughts that I express on my blog, but everything I write is true to my heart and all things I share are things that are important to me.

Sameera said...

Take a break and re-invent things like you want them to be.

Nik said...

So Mr.... im back for commenting :P

Brother, I guess i had told u this. I can identify WITH EVRY SINGLE POST OF YOURS! and theres nothing differnt with this one....

Not about blogging though, but since the past few weeks, its been the same with me. And probably yes, this introspection became responsible for me becoming inactive on my blog.

I would just say, that it was really impressive of you to come up with this writeup. I am also rytng something like this about me, but its still in the notepad! :D

So, what you feel is EXACTLY, or atleast crawling to exactness, to what i feel these days...!!! BHAI HAI YAAR!!!N :P...

Just do one thing.........sit down....and LEAVE every thing, infact dont log on to the net for some days! and just do what i also planned.......


"SoUl SeArChInG"

tc man..

Ms.R. said...

Ahaan! So this why you aren't on my blog?! *Dhishoom*

Okay okay, jokes apart.. Yaar please write dil se. We love your work. I don't think you should spend more time searching for followers. You can promote your blog on various sites if you want readership - I am sure you want more people to read you. This will save your time and frustrations also. Paagal.

Please come back soon with a dhamaka :)

rh3a said...

yaar, dilli wale toh dil se sochte hai na.. tune dimag lagana kab se start kar diya.. n ye kya baat hui.. humne apke blogs padhne shuru kiye aur aap chal diye!
ab itne bhi bure nahi hai na? not me, you!

bas, ho gayi nautanki? duniya ki chod yaar.. its ur space n u say what u want to.. if someone has a problem, let them go to greener pastures and ghaas charofy!

u jus say what u have to say!
ye sab stupid thoughts ko side mein rakh, n do what u do best.. write another hopeleslly romantic story na! maybe sum fantasy stuff too! see, i'm giving u ideas!

chal, sirf tere liye itna time nikal ke comment kiya exam ke jus pehle! :P

ab wish me luck & be back soon ok?

~Rh3a

Phoenix said...

write what you want and forget the rest... trust me been there done that... dont worry about the posts or the content write because u want to not because you want comments... it will all follow and really reading your blog is such a comfort most often i am at a loss for words... maybe the same is with others who dont find appropriate words to comment.. dont base ur credentials on comments... it should be based on ur beautiful posts only :)

cheer up

Kaddu said...

Hey buddy! Don't feel so bad abt urself! Take a break... n then come back as urself! And always remember - you started this blog to express ur unspoken thoughts, what YOU wanted to say - & not what the world wants to hear! So come back n speak ur mind! People who like what u write will stick arnd, ppl who like sth else will move on... the important thing is u write what u want to speak out!

Netika Lumb said...

Am I lucky? Or am I just lucky??
Thankfully, I've never experienced this. Though I've heard soooo many people talk about this.
Listen, this has got more to with the personality one has. There are people who expect appreciation and especially when they know they truly deserve this(in this case, you and your stories), so it's natural to want the number of followers or readers or no. of people commenting, increasing.

Just rememember one thing, this place: the bloggers world,is just as populated as any other place.
You will always share your attention with someone else, and like I always say, what good does unexclusive attention do??
Ofcourse, makes you feel better but then, you shall experience the true love of it only when it is unconditional, sans expectations. Just like love otherwise is :)

All the best:)

Gigi said...

Wow! I love your honesty.I can completely relate to this.I started blogging with the sole purpose of articulating my thoughts on different interesting topics and improving my writing skill but gradually, i became more interested in reactions of reading and gaining more readers.I am glad that you wrote this post.It inspired me a lot. Keep up the good work.

Priyanka Agrawalla said...

It happens Amit..It happened to me too..n to get tht right, i took a break from the blogging world too.. but we r here in the purpose of making our thoughts, our stories, our creation to reach people. its not a sort of competition here.. n dont worry about ur readers n followers; u write with all of ur heart and defaultly they vl pour in!! Ab ache bache jaise hasna aur blogging ki duniya me jaldi aana...

take care.

Anorak said...

The words seems to be mine..
anyways walk the line
whnever you feel fine....:)

comfortably numb said...

bhai mere...blogging is all about just speaking ur restless mind...it's about having a space where you can just let out, where you can talk to yourself, where there are no inhibitions...te comments n followers se ki farq painda hai...chaddo yeh sab n get back to blogy:)

Vinnie said...

hey, today as i was sorting my mailbox, i found ur mail i had received some time back... i said 'lemme check this blog' n what do i see ????

u can take ur time n sort out ur priorities n by grace of God, ur writings will make a difference...but pls forget the number of comments or followers - most ardent readers do not comment but they read regularly...n most followers r just that - they follow u everywhere..they dont read:(

what do u want? a piece that is read n ur message sent across or irrelevant large number of comments/followers??

i see u have penned some beautiful expressions in earlier posts...pls keep that momentum going...

everything is an illusion except for ur expressions...i'm glad that i sorted my mailbox:)

if it helps in anyway, i will be ur follower the next time i login to my blog dashboard:)

Ki said...

Kya farak padhta hai? Networking on bloggee helps us make friends but ultimately writing is our main aim, no? So no harm in having a li'l bit of both.

Come back soon. We'll miss you!

Shruti said...

my first time. well...i visited ur blog because of 2 reasons:
1. ur display name..Hopeless Romantic...kinda caught attention.

2. ur going to the same Uni as my bro..

I know lame reasons...let it be. It is sometimes pretty hard to keep track of everything that is happening. Followers or no followers...write what u feel.

You know it took my blog two years to have 38 followers. Many of whom do not even visit my blog. But I find it alright. Coz my job is to write what I feel. You said that blogging to u has an agenda.....of making a differnce. Cool enough.

Distraction is a part of it. Even if today I love this guy, I will still look at another smart guy..won't i?? I would.. :D

So chill! Have fun!
Will visit again!
:)

Deepika Gupta said...

Well... i wanna write a lot but i dunno from where to start and what to write....
i just wanna say... u r a wonderful writer and deep down the line you know this very well... just follow your heart and don't care about the other things....
your each post comes from heart and let it be... its always great and refreshing to read your articles....
i think itna kaafi hai...
"aap convince ho gaye ya main aur bolun" :D

GARF said...

Heyy U the blogger....u write good. U feel right. I went thru the same....but i realized that above all including the whole community, the coments and follwers etc, it's the commitment to myself that matters the most. Hope u get urpick soon.

familyguy said...

Hey man common.I have not read all your blog but few of them but can say you are really good.I can understand your feeling but what ever you are going through right now is applicable to all of us.We all start few things in our life with a aim but at some point we all get lost somewhere but the best part is you yourself is aware of the situation so I'm sure you will again follow your aim.This post will definitely help a new few hour old blogger like me in future.Regards

nsiyer said...

Amit I am and will miss you. Sort out things fast and come over.

Smita said...

Don't we all go thru this???

In a way its a catch 22 situation. We say we right for our pleasure and then we start craving for readers and then start back scratching....u come in my blog and i'll come to ur. But trust me it is the writing which will in the end. If you love a blog you will go there to read no matter what & vice versa.

So stop feeling the way you are feeling n chill :)

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Kajal

Why stop praising me, please keep on doing it! I like it, very much: D, hmm!
Perfectionist, May be yes, may be no, Not sure, hmm!
Not doing blogging, May be I am a bit too hard on myself at times, hmmm!
I agree, only writing posts give you satisfaction, rest all is secondary, hmmm!
Me mature, lol, you must be kidding me, Hmmm!
Ur a close friend, oops, a close blogger friend: P, Hmmm!
I reject your resignation; I need readers like you who can give me honest opinion, Hmm!

PS: Aur hmmm karoon, ya aap convince ho gayi: D

Loads of Love,
Amit

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Ashrita

That sounded like Preity Zinta saying kal ho na ho 

I would be lying if I say I don’t care that people read me or not. It makes a difference, exact reason of which even I am not able to find till date. But yes, I have been able to sort out my mind so that such kind of trivial things won’t affect me again. I guess we have all gone through a WTF moment during blogging, and it made us learn a lot about ourselves. I will keep your advice in mind – to blog when I want! Actually, due to time constraints this would happen naturally (more on this in my next post: D)

Thanks,
Amit

Hopeless Romantic said...

@MJ

Hey, Welcome to my blog space, sorry I was late in welcoming u due to my break! I can completely relate to your first line, there were moments when I felt the same, may be even worse. I love reading other people blogs (sans any expectations), mainly because reading comes naturally to me, and its one of my favourite hobbies. But issues creep in when you start reading with expectations of getting a follower/comment in return, that’s not the right way of pursuing your passion. Adding to that, I would surely like to say that I have never written a post due to some expectations. I have always wrote what I feel write, when I feel its write, and most importantly I post till I feel about It right. I do get a lot influenced by people and things around me, but how I am going to use it, in which manner I am going to use it, is completely my take. That’s where my sucking blogging rules come by, which I so stubbornly follow: D

Keep visiting! Stay in touch!
Amit

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Sameera

Hey, long time! Hope your exams went well!

I appreciate your words! I hope I have re-invented things as I wanted them to be in the initial place.

Thanks,
AKG

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Nik

Lol, I know how much you relate to my posts, even I feel astonished at times how two people can feel and think so closely. Hope you also sort out your mind, stop getting into unnecessarily arguments with people (you know what I mean: D) and you would be fine. Looking forward to your blog posts, get back to blogging soon! My soul searching is hopefully over, that’s why I am back, itching to start writing again!

Take care,
Amit

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Ms. R

Ah, that Dishoom hurts: D

I am surely not looking for any more followers, I promise. But, yes I took your other advice seriously – to promote your blog at other sites to increase readership. Look at the RHS of the blog, jahan mila wahan add kar liya :D I was not frustrated, but irritated with a few things (and off course some fucking assholes creatures in the blogsville).

Btw, someone wrote a hoax post of quitting the blogosphere, and now writing with even more ferocious intensity. Cheater, aise hi senti kara diya sabko :P

I am back, the big Dhamaka is in my new post, check it out !

Love,
Amit

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Rhea

Dilli walo ke pass dil aur dimag dono hote hain, aur time aane par sab use karthe hain :D
We are not like pseudo-delhities as you, jinka dil Delhi mein hain aur Dimag kol mein :D
Grass-charofy, lol, I like that word, thanks for increasing my vocabulary: P
Fantasy stuff, hmm, group sex, is that what you want in another HR’s post :P
You know my best wishes are with you all the time, Do well in your CA exams.
Let me know when you are getting over with them, I will be in Kol at the end of next week.

Cheers,
Amit

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Phoenix

Hey, long time on my blog! That was a pleasant surprise, and you also gave me a reason now, so no more complaints 

Thanks for your beautiful penned words to cheer me up! It means a lot to me.

Keep visiting, and comment once in a while to give me the satisfaction that you are reading me:D

Hi’5,
Amit

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Kaddu

I understand and completely agree with your words. I am back, writing for myself first and then for anyone else. My mind would surely speak now and that too a lot of things:)

Thanks,
HR

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Netika

Ah, that is the most beautiful comment I have ever come across in my blog in all these months. You can make a Hopeless romantic understand only in terms of love lines. Isn’t that true? Love and blogging follow same rules, I guess!

Though at times I feel like the second one - Am I Just lucky? Basically, you can blame me for being too perfectionist, being too unsatisfied with what I do, trying to do things in a different way. I guess most of the times, it gives you positive results but at times it gives you moment of despair and loneliness. This was the first time in almost 2 years of blogging that I took a break and went through something like this. I guess, all’s well that ends well. I am back and roaring to go again and bore you with all those mushy love stories.

Thanks a lot, those words mean a lot to me!
AKG

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Gigi

I don’t know how such a depressing post can inspire anyone: D But you know I think it’s important to network to a point, after all you are here to share your thoughts with people. It always gives you a newer point of view and we always learn something new every time.

Happy Blogging!
Amit

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Priyanka

I completely agree with you! Thanks for sharing those thoughts, I appreciate! I would surely pour in all those thoughts soon.

See, I am laughing like a kid: D :D

Cheers,
AKG

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Anorak

Hey, Welcome to the blog! I am back, all fit and fine! Hope to see you around soon!

Cu around,
Amit

Hopeless Romantic said...

@CN

I agree, there should be no inhibitions while you are expressing yourself on the blogs. I appreciate you dropping by and encouraging me here!

Stay well,
Amit

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Vinnie

I am glad too that you sorted out your mailbox. I remember you dropping by your blog some time back and then sending you the request. Follower or not a follower, do read me often!

I agree, it’s actually not about the number of followers or comments on the post, but your message getting spread all across, which is more important. You may find it funny, but I am glad I wrote this post. I came to know about so many secret readers and followers, that I have to write a separate post thanking each of them: D

Do keep in touch, would be a pleasure to share thoughts with you!

Stay good!
Amit

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Mahesh

Though I have to delete your comment because of the personal details you shared in this section, I really want to thank you for making me part of your inner thoughts and deep secrets. I am truly obliged!

Keep sharing dark secrets,
AKG

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Kirti

I am back, I hope you didn’t missed me much: D

I guess, the secret lies in keeping a balance between networking and blogging posts.

Cheers,
Amit

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Shruti

Hey, welcome to my blog! Whatever may be the lame reasons, I am glad you came over here. I just loved your posts; it reminded me of a lot of things, and it made me follow you.

Thanks for sharing those lines, it all made my day. I was in splits grinning after reading your last line.

Keep visiting and penning!
Guptaji

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Deepika

Seems like I always meet people who are obsessed with the dialogue of Jab we Met :)
Thanks a lot for those nice, encouraging and touching words. I appreciate them a lot from the bottom of my heart. I am glad to know my posts leaves a refreshing tinge on you.

Keep coming back for refreshing breaks,
Amit

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Garf

Hey, thanks for coming here and following me! I read the four posts in your blog (the only four posts) and absolutely loved it, laga ki Kumb ka bichdaa hua bhai mil gaya hain :D
I know very well how IT can suck at time, and throw in a busy gf, well life can’t get more tough than that! Thanks for sharing those words.

Hope everything settles down at your end,
All the best,
Amit

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Family Guy,

Hey FG, good to cu first time on my space. I guess loosing and getting back things has its magic, its own charm. I am glad I got back things soon, thanks to all the wonderful people out here. I am truly touched! All the best to you for blogging!

Keep visiting,
Amit

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Iyer Sir

Thanks, and i am back! Hope to keep u engaged :)

Regards,
Amit

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Smita

I agree,Just look at us, i was following ur blog for a long time, though i never commented. And you started following me after a long time, and u were always there irrespective of whether i was there or not :)

Thanks,
Amit

Netika Lumb said...

Hey..Now that is the way to go.. :)
Cheers!

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Netika

Thanks, i am back again:)

Cheers,
Amit

I, Me and Myself said...

so i am late to reply to this....but still...what d heck does it matter amit....u knw when i came into blogging my only aim was not towrite but to have a place password protected where i can put my poems and thoughts and at the same time have atleast one person who reads them and tells me its gud r bad....u knw amit when u say u want x readers n y followers its actually not a crimw to want ur work to b read...its a basic human tendency but then its not d sole reason y u write...i write when i am frustated and i have it to take it out on something...this white board in blog takes away dat anger frustation...when i m happy i want to increasy by coulouring this white board....but den if someone read me and appreciates i like it all d more....

so nw u anywys back to blogging...dont go searching for motives fr something so close to u....it doesnt matter y u blogging...what mattrs is if u r happy in writing what u writing and being read....

u knw this is what i exactly thought when i started blogging no one would follow me so y am i writing it...but i wrote even when i hade just one follower...and even knw....

so mr hopless romantic dont devoid us from ur lovely pieces of work again...tc

cheers
shweta

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Shweta

As u said its the basic human tendency to expect appreciation specially if ur work is good, i just went through that period, when i was low and things were not going to the plan!

I am back and wont devoid u of my lovely pieces, so modest na me :P

Thanks,
Amit

Shankar said...

hey amith.. see if u like blogging..if its ur hobby... u just blog continuosly..why u r expecting comments and appreciations. See for a new blogger it gives a real pleasure ,satisfaction and motivaton on getting good comments and encouragement. But after that u have to start moving to your next step. Once you got to the first step of your stairs,you have to move on to the next step.once you have some followers and continuous readers..they might expect some better posts from you. they need a better amit than what you are today. so go on with blogging..dont wait for appreciation or comments..
Being new to blogging i am also expecting the same..this is not only for you... by saying this to you i am inturn learning it by myself.

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Shankar

Firstly, Welcome to my blog, thanks for sharing your views with me and i appreciate the fact that you are following me!

Well, i am not a new blogger. I have been blogging anonymously too for close to 2 years now. But i absolutely agree that we should keep on blogging, and not expecting anything. But sometimes, what i felt was people were not taking u seriously, their negative comments affect u, the backbiting (yes, even on blogosphere it happens!) affected me! Anyways, i guess its over, its behind me and i am back ! Don't think such trivial issues would affect me again !

I am following you through e-mail subscriptions!

Happy blogging!
Amit

Stupidosaur said...

Here I am! To grab a 'potential reader' in you ;)

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Stupidosaur

lol, thanks for being here, welcome to the blog and keep visiting!

Cheers,
Amit