Looking for Love?

May 7, 2009

I Love you, Till I find Someone Better !!

"Hey baby, why u feel so shy all the time", I asked Kunal having
again witnessed his withdrawn hands from the lock I so desperately wanted to mingle around his hands.

"Listen Julie, Its not about being shy, I am just not comfortable with the these public display of affection. It so very embarrassing. That's it". He replied with raised eyebrows and shrugging shoulders.

Suddenly, sitting in the Cafe Coffee Day and sipping the Cappuccino, made me reminiscent of the memories attached with him.I have always fancied Kunal from the moment I laid my eyes on him.
His eyes were amazing, an emerald green colour and they sparkled every time he smiled. There was something different about him, some special magnetic thing,though I had never been managed to pluck up that particular thing during the last three months.We had nothing much in common other than the fact that we both were working in Advertisement agencies, but He came like a whiff of fresh air into my life and blew apart all the doors and windows of my heart to a catastrophic effect of tsunami. I took my love for him to a level where love ceases to exist, it just started loosing its meaning as it take small short steps towards obsessiveness.

"I am happy my parents are now beginning to accept you and the fact that we are dating each other. I am just so relieved". He said and It broke stream of thoughts running in my mind.

Before i could reply to Kunal
, Suddenly, from a corner of the table on which we were sitting, I saw a man looking at us perceptibly.His eyes were boring me through my clothes as he was constantly eye-fucking me. It was weird, I felt awkward, but i kept mum. I tried to ignore, looked towards Kunal and said..

"Ya, i am also happy that your parents are cool about it.It makes you more at ease with me and in our relationship." I replied to him with my thoughts entwined about that man peering at us.

Putting my brain cells to work, and recollecting my daily schedule in the past three days, i realized that this man is following me, continuously. I saw him in the British library the day before when i went there to take some notes, I saw him in the Sacred cathedral church near GPO yesterday when i went there in the morning to offer prayers, and today at CCD in the inner circle of Connaught Place. This can't be a freaky coincidence, there must be something else.
i felt stalked, i felt terrified, but i kept mum again.

"Let's go home. I am getting late." Kunal intervened as he paid the bill and starting moving to get up from the table.

"Ya, sure. I should also head home." I also got up and we started walking out of CCD. In the parking, we kissed gingerly, and he drove away into his car.

I moved to another part of the parking slowly, where my car was parked . I realized that a dark shadow was looming over my head. It was the same person in the CCD and he was moving towards me.
He was wearing a long black jacket, and torn blue denim Jeans. As he leered towards me, incidents of vehement acid attacks by revenge lovers rushed through my mind at that very instance. He came close and said....

"Stop Meeting Kunal from now on, I won't let him meet you till i am alive. I promise you".
He said the whole sentence in one whole breath, as if breaking it into parts would break his heart.

"Sorry, who are you" ?, I asked with a face which had 1000 questions written all ove
r it.

"That is not important. What is important to you and me is that you broke off with Kunal
". He replied with a non-chalant freakish attitude.

"What the fuck are you talking about? How dare you talk to me like this? Why should i stop talking to him". By this time, i was fuming with anger and just want to hit him for having the guts to say such crap in front of him. I really wanted to dismiss him like an worthless stalker

But surprisingly he got milder, and his reply put a dagger in my heart. He said...."Because I Love him and I don't want to loose him to a looser like you."

He paused for a moment to help me absorb the truth in its entirety and continued saying." I am Sameer, I know Kunal for the last three years and we were in a relationship, till u came into his life." I don't know why but he doesn't respond to my e-mails or calls. I don't know that you are aware about the fact that we both are gay and were planning to move in together soon, till he met you. I love him more than anyone else and would do anything to make this relationship work out. So, please stay away from him, that would be good for you. Otherwise be prepared for any unwarranted consequences."

He left after this, i was shocked, and I was left contemplating the joke life currently was playing with me. I felt like getting fucked left, right and center. I, immediately called Kunal, and let him know of the diatribe which Sameer just disclosed in front of me. What followed afterwards, was an even more shocking and heart breaking thing to digest. He said..

"My parents got suspicious about me being gay and being too close to Sameer. My night-outs at his place started resulting in too many questions, most of them left unanswered. I had to divert their attention to you, so that I can later on move with Sameer. I didn't tell all this to him because he would have never agreed to living apart for such a long time. And I wanted to portray to my parents that we both are not in touch anymore, and I am dating you currently, a girl. I am sorry, I know it sounds stupid and i should have told you this before. But if i would have done that, you would have not accepted to be a part of all this.I just loved you, till the time i find love in Sameer."

On hearing this "poignant" tale, i kept quiet for a few seconds and then replied..

"you frigging coward, why the hell you have to play with my emotions, my feelings. Don't you dare to contact or talk to me again.Just fuck off." A rush of blood went on from head to toe at that very moment, and i disconnected the phone. I felt like crying on being back stabbed, but the tears didn't came out. I felt like sobbing myself down to the ocean of tears, but the incident left me too numb to react. I felt like screaming and shouting, but the futility in doing such an act stopped me in my tracks. I started the car and moved towards my home.

3 months later

After that evening, I broke all contacts with him immediately and never met him again. Till date, I don't know on which thing I should have been more shocked and angry - On the fact that Kunal didn't revealed his true sexual orientation or on the disclosure that He was cheating on me, and that too for a fucking asshole gay. But after this incident, life taught me one lesson - Don't love someone so much that love for anyone else ceases to exist.

PS: These days, Kunal is getting treated for Syphilis of the rectum in the division of Infectious diseases, Orsola Hospital In Italy.


Anonymous said...

Amit, i am following ur blog for quite some time and everytime u write, u just take me in for surprises.You have such a vast repertoire and i find it amazing how u can write different stuff on the same lines again n again !

Keep rocking and writing:) I love reading ur posts. tk care !

Hopeless Romantic said...


Hey, thanks buddy for all those good words. I feel ecstatic reading them. Keep visiting:)


Mahesh Sindbandge said...

I have no words for this post..:)

such a good topic... I expect you to put more light on this in the form of PS :P

Many guys do this and dont realize the damage they are doing..:)

Very good one ...:)

Keep writing..:)

amit said...


thanks dude for all the nice compliments:)

Well,he eventually suffered from the STD (to be precise of the ass :P) and was getting treated.

I agree, precaution is always better. anyone who gets into this should be careful.


Sameera said...


Nice shocker!!

Netika Lumb said...

Nice.. But sad. Some men can be real jerks(no offence meant AT ALL)..

Keep writing :)

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Sameera was nice to shock people at times :)


Hopeless Romantic said...


Thanks for dropping by,let's not start a gender bashing here!. Btw, he is paying for his deeds. read the PS, he is suffering from STD. Life always comes back a full circle.Isn't it?


mysterious gal said...

ooooo man u brought back memories....the exact same thing happened with a frnd of mine back in masters....and i was like totally shocked when i came to know the guy she was dating was a gay and when he was actually asked ...he answered with straight face that he wanted to know if he is straight.....and we all were like WTF ...she is a human truly takes away ur belief in love

Loved ur writing style and the story...Shit happens in real life and it surely breaks u sometimes

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Mysterious Gal

Hmm...this post was inspired by one such incident which happened to one of my friend's friend in US. I guess it is pretty common, alternate sexuality does provide a lot of issues to deal with. May be that's why they are still frowned upon in our society at least. Shit happens in love n in life as well, u need to be strong to get over it !

Thanks for the compliment! Be good, stay well !


Anonymous said...

Amit, another amazing line from you "Don't love someone so much that love for anyone else ceases to exist"..

Hmm, liked this one again. You very well know now, that I am getting glued to all your posts.


Hopeless Romantic said...


Hey, thanks for the compliment !

I know, you are a regular visitor here, i do keep in touch with the details who all visit my blog and from where :)Its always nice to hear from u ! U can mail me as well using the contact form on the blog!


Anonymous said...

Wow! this was neat.. shocking indeed..the P.S. left me with a raised eyebrow... being homosexual is not wrong but being hypocrite about it is wrong, the girl was 'used' in this case!!

you weaved this one to perfection!

Hopeless Romantic said...


Agreed, being gay is not wrong. but then this is one of the major issues they face - acceptance in the society.Having said that,still there cannot be any reason for cheating on someone.

Thanks for dropping by !


muthu said...

The descriptions were brutal and hard hitting... like th "I felt like getting fucked left, right and center"

I loved the word flow....

i loved the twist that the bf turns out to be a guy..

but the last PS - was like a kind of clich├ęd morality statement... the story would have been more poignant if you have closed it with something like..

"and so once again, a girl found herself pieces, men can be such jerks."

tat was jus a thought man. As always loved your story... :)

fms1988 said...

I really enjoy reading all your stories :)
U give the reader a very clear vision.& thats very important.

This one shocked me,But it's happening alot nowdays.So it's good to see u write on this topic.
Loved it.:D

Quirky Mon said...

That would be a nightmare for any girl! Ok, here's a confession...When I saw the movie Page 3 for the first time in 2005, I had nightmares of my ex being secretly gay for months! Because from where I come, homosexuality is taboo one openly admits any alternative sexual orientation, but I found out in the movie that in the metros they do!
Okay with a person being homosexual, but not with someone hiding it and ruining another's life.

Hopeless Romantic said...


Thanks buddy for the appreciation. N if u think these kind of things r happening only now, ur mistaken. These things were present earlier also, either they were in closet or people were not able to related to them, so they never came out in open. It has become more prominent now. Thats'it


Hopeless Romantic said...

@Quirky Mon

Argh...thanks for letting me know that confession. But, i agree totally being gay should NEVER be taken as negative but if you are spoiling someone life by portraying in love or worse, getting married to a girl. its a disaster on the card ! There are so many cases, where the gay guy are trapped in love-less and sex-less marriages and it always get worse, how hard u try. This post was a starting point to discuss such issues. I appreciate the fact that you helped me in getting through the main issue of this post.


Hopeless Romantic said...


lol, out of the whole post - you find this "fucking" line the most hard hitting one ! I thought hard hitting lines are one which hits you emotionally and not 'physically' in this sense.

Last time when i wrote a cliche end, you said it should be twisted and this time when i have a twisted end, you say it should be a cliche, Lol. Get your priorities straight dude and finally tell me how you want me the post to end. Even though, let me tell you, i don;t take anyone suggestion to write my posts. I write what i feel is the best or what i feel is my thought process at that moment. You may agree or not, that's not my prerogative and everyone is entitled to his/her opinion.

Another pertinent point is that the girl was in deeply love with the gay guy, she was cheated and hence felt that love should not be blind that it ceases to exist for anyone else. Hence, the ending was like that ! Also, to make things complete and to show that life does indeed come a full circle for everyone, i added a PS which indicates even though he cheated on her, he is now suffering from STD (which either u have missed or failed to understand !! ). A good writer always knows why he is writing a piece, why he is ending things in a particular way and why he is making things happen at a particular pace or place. Now its up to u to decided whether i have fulfilled all criterion of a good writer or not!

Thanks for dropping by and letting me know your generous thoughts ! I appreciate your creative efforts on my posts !


gargi said...

Brilliant piece or writing AGAIN! ;)
"eye-fucked"..i like that word! amazing twists and turns..!!

awesome!! :)

Hopeless Romantic said...


lol..thanks dear :)

PS: Confessions, I like and practice that word sometimes :D

Anonymous said...

Amit, arn't the lines from u for Muthi "Get your priorities straight" from the famous episode of spilts villa ?? :)

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Anonymous never realised it till u pointed out. I guess watching TV does have its side effects. They subconsciously seep into ur mind. Its indeed the words said by Johanna to Mohit. But, it conveyed the i am cool with it !! ..But yeh this is a generic line, Splitsvilla don't have a copyright on these lines. Infact once, my boss also said the same lines to me n it has stucked :P

PS: Muthu, no hard feelings buddy :)

Girl Next Door said...

Interesting One !!! You must try your hand in writing Novels :)

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Girl Next Door

Amen, Keep visiting the blog. Good news could be around the corner :)


CutePriya said...

Great Read! Keep at it! As always your expressions are simply amazing!

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Cute Priya

Hey, thanks buddy for all those nice words:)

Hope ur doing well ! Take care !


Deepika Gupta said...

hey it was great.... Do u write novels too ;)
perfecto!! keep up the good work..

Hopeless Romantic said...


Thanks for the compliments and for following me :)


PS: My mom has taught me not to open your mouth before everything is finalized. So,I better shut up till then !!

nsiyer said...

Amazing!Imaginative if not true. I loved the way you write.

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Iyer sir

Well, this can be true as well ! Thanks for the compliments !


Anonymous said...

Whoa! Ye expect nahi kiya tha!!! GOOD WORK :D

Hopeless Romantic said...


ahh...glad u were surprised, serves the purpose of writing such stuff :)

keep visiting ...!!


Ms.R. said...

I LOOOVED IT!!! OMG! The ending was so my kind! Poetic revenge! :D Yay!

PS I knew someone like that ;)

Hopeless Romantic said...


Poetic revenge seems the order of the day in our blogs :)

PS: lol, i also knew someone like this. The post was inspired from her life :)


Preeti said...

I really like the way you manage to convey message with an interesting and free flowing story ...

STD's are often negleted during sexual relationships, home or hetro education anyone !!

bondgal_rulz said...

Wooo hoooo!!! LOVED the ending AND the entire post too. :P he he

But it's kinda sad too innit, the state of homosexuals in India and the extent to which they have to live a lie and at times make other people suffer as well?

Hopeless Romantic said...


Thanks for that encouragement ! STD's are a major issue, even more than HIV. Sex education is a must, but thanks to our hypocrite politicians and people rooting for so called 'Indian culture', god knows when it would be executed. Till then, your safety is in your hands. Be aware and stay safe !


Hopeless Romantic said...


Hey, glad u liked it !

Well, that's the bloody truth about having an alternate sexuality in India. You can't come out in the open,You will be frowned upon in society, still you want to try and live a normal life or atleast pretend to do so. Its tough ! still, you have no right to cheat on someone !

But i guess thats how life goes !

Stay good!

Satans Darling™ said...

A similar incident happened with one of my friends. She found her too-good-to-be-true-hot-looking-ramp-walker-model boyfriend in bed with someone else. Red handed. She was devastated!

This post is an insight into the lives of someone in a metropolis. And these are things we generally tend to avoid. But who knows whats happening behind?

A nice post as always. The element of surprise gives your posts a whole new twist :)

It's a compliment :P Don't get mad at me like you did on muthu :D

Hopeless Romantic said...


I know it happens very frequently, that's why i wanted to brought this out ! It happens in metro cities too often, people are cheated, they hide their sexual orientations and in the end, people have to suffer, it creates complications in their lives!

Thanks for all the compliments!

I didn't got mad on muthu, I appreciate his views, but as a writer i have the every write to do what i want to, in the way i want to !

Anu Russell said...

u write awesome! I read ur short stories through the indiblog thing...and i am super impressed...niceeeeeeeeee

make a short story compilation man!

Hopeless Romantic said...


Hey,welcome to the blog! Thanks for appreciating, i am glad you liked it. That indiblogger thing was done by me but through brutal force by a fellow blogger :D

Would love to see you around!