May 7, 2009
I Love you, Till I find Someone Better !!
"Hey baby, why u feel so shy all the time", I asked Kunal having again witnessed his withdrawn hands from the lock I so desperately wanted to mingle around his hands.
"Listen Julie, Its not about being shy, I am just not comfortable with the these public display of affection. It so very embarrassing. That's it". He replied with raised eyebrows and shrugging shoulders.
Suddenly, sitting in the Cafe Coffee Day and sipping the Cappuccino, made me reminiscent of the memories attached with him.I have always fancied Kunal from the moment I laid my eyes on him.His eyes were amazing, an emerald green colour and they sparkled every time he smiled. There was something different about him, some special magnetic thing,though I had never been managed to pluck up that particular thing during the last three months.We had nothing much in common other than the fact that we both were working in Advertisement agencies, but He came like a whiff of fresh air into my life and blew apart all the doors and windows of my heart to a catastrophic effect of tsunami. I took my love for him to a level where love ceases to exist, it just started loosing its meaning as it take small short steps towards obsessiveness.
"I am happy my parents are now beginning to accept you and the fact that we are dating each other. I am just so relieved". He said and It broke stream of thoughts running in my mind.
Before i could reply to Kunal, Suddenly, from a corner of the table on which we were sitting, I saw a man looking at us perceptibly.His eyes were boring me through my clothes as he was constantly eye-fucking me. It was weird, I felt awkward, but i kept mum. I tried to ignore, looked towards Kunal and said..
"Ya, i am also happy that your parents are cool about it.It makes you more at ease with me and in our relationship." I replied to him with my thoughts entwined about that man peering at us.
Putting my brain cells to work, and recollecting my daily schedule in the past three days, i realized that this man is following me, continuously. I saw him in the British library the day before when i went there to take some notes, I saw him in the Sacred cathedral church near GPO yesterday when i went there in the morning to offer prayers, and today at CCD in the inner circle of Connaught Place. This can't be a freaky coincidence, there must be something else. i felt stalked, i felt terrified, but i kept mum again.
"Let's go home. I am getting late." Kunal intervened as he paid the bill and starting moving to get up from the table.
"Ya, sure. I should also head home." I also got up and we started walking out of CCD. In the parking, we kissed gingerly, and he drove away into his car.
I moved to another part of the parking slowly, where my car was parked . I realized that a dark shadow was looming over my head. It was the same person in the CCD and he was moving towards me.He was wearing a long black jacket, and torn blue denim Jeans. As he leered towards me, incidents of vehement acid attacks by revenge lovers rushed through my mind at that very instance. He came close and said....
"Stop Meeting Kunal from now on, I won't let him meet you till i am alive. I promise you". He said the whole sentence in one whole breath, as if breaking it into parts would break his heart.
"Sorry, who are you" ?, I asked with a face which had 1000 questions written all over it.
"That is not important. What is important to you and me is that you broke off with Kunal". He replied with a non-chalant freakish attitude.
"What the fuck are you talking about? How dare you talk to me like this? Why should i stop talking to him". By this time, i was fuming with anger and just want to hit him for having the guts to say such crap in front of him. I really wanted to dismiss him like an worthless stalker
But surprisingly he got milder, and his reply put a dagger in my heart. He said...."Because I Love him and I don't want to loose him to a looser like you."
He paused for a moment to help me absorb the truth in its entirety and continued saying." I am Sameer, I know Kunal for the last three years and we were in a relationship, till u came into his life." I don't know why but he doesn't respond to my e-mails or calls. I don't know that you are aware about the fact that we both are gay and were planning to move in together soon, till he met you. I love him more than anyone else and would do anything to make this relationship work out. So, please stay away from him, that would be good for you. Otherwise be prepared for any unwarranted consequences."
He left after this, i was shocked, and I was left contemplating the joke life currently was playing with me. I felt like getting fucked left, right and center. I, immediately called Kunal, and let him know of the diatribe which Sameer just disclosed in front of me. What followed afterwards, was an even more shocking and heart breaking thing to digest. He said..
"My parents got suspicious about me being gay and being too close to Sameer. My night-outs at his place started resulting in too many questions, most of them left unanswered. I had to divert their attention to you, so that I can later on move with Sameer. I didn't tell all this to him because he would have never agreed to living apart for such a long time. And I wanted to portray to my parents that we both are not in touch anymore, and I am dating you currently, a girl. I am sorry, I know it sounds stupid and i should have told you this before. But if i would have done that, you would have not accepted to be a part of all this.I just loved you, till the time i find love in Sameer."
On hearing this "poignant" tale, i kept quiet for a few seconds and then replied..
"you frigging coward, why the hell you have to play with my emotions, my feelings. Don't you dare to contact or talk to me again.Just fuck off." A rush of blood went on from head to toe at that very moment, and i disconnected the phone. I felt like crying on being back stabbed, but the tears didn't came out. I felt like sobbing myself down to the ocean of tears, but the incident left me too numb to react. I felt like screaming and shouting, but the futility in doing such an act stopped me in my tracks. I started the car and moved towards my home.
3 months later
After that evening, I broke all contacts with him immediately and never met him again. Till date, I don't know on which thing I should have been more shocked and angry - On the fact that Kunal didn't revealed his true sexual orientation or on the disclosure that He was cheating on me, and that too for a fucking asshole gay. But after this incident, life taught me one lesson - Don't love someone so much that love for anyone else ceases to exist.
PS: These days, Kunal is getting treated for Syphilis of the rectum in the division of Infectious diseases, Orsola Hospital In Italy.