September 27, 2009
Just For Today, I Hate Women!
Enough of love, let's be different today and talk about what i hate, specifically in the opposite sex. This list is being written after hearing, reading and experiencing first hand, the numerous experiences in the short span of my existence on this planet. Anyways, the below list is definitely not and should not be considered a complete list by any stretch of imagination. People of any sex (!!) are free to add their valuable points in this compilation.
It is being said, women are puzzles to be solved. Oh ya sure, kiss my ass! Puzzles to be solved which doesn't have a definite answer. If for a change, even they are asked to solve their puzzles, i am sure they will commit suicide :P . Nevertheless, here is the list...
1) Women who crib about the fairer sex emancipation and liberation every time you talk to them; gives you endless sermons about equal opportunity in the society and then go home - and watch fucking regressive serials like 'Balika Vadhu','Kyunki saas bhi Kabhi Bahu thi','Kusum' and what not, that too religiously day-in and day-out. All that jazz like, 'come on, it's just a serial', 'there are so many bad things happening anyways around','they sometimes show positive things also about women' are just preposterous thoughts. It doesn't take an iota less from the fact that you are actually contributing towards such kind of serials being made by watching them in the first place. If there is no market, these serial will never be made in the wildest imagination of any TV producer. There are surely better way of utilizing your free time constructively than watching these serials. And if you eventually decide to watch them in the first place, then shut up your mouth. You have absolutely no right to talk on female regression in society. I agree with a statement i heard the other day in a chat show, women need to watch drama in reel life to become better drama queens in real life. So bloody true!
2) Women who commit dressing faux-pa by wearing ill matched undergarments with transparent/translucent Tees and T shirts and then bitch about the attire of other people within the team/project/company/college/school/university/malls/multiplexes/on the street :D ok, I stop. You got the drift na!
Sample this: during my working days as a software professional, a bitch (let's call her Miss P) was unfortunately my project mate. On one sunny glorious morning, i made a mistake of having coffee with her in the company cafeteria. While gulping down the most pathetic coffee from the office vending machine, she started throwing lavish compliments (or comments :D) on the a girl's dressing sense sitting on the adjacent table. She preached a sermon for the next 5 minutes, hearing which even Baba ramdev will fall on her toes. She constantly cribbed on how girls should dress appropriately in an official environment and how they themselves are responsible for their safety while going out at public places. What Miss P did not knew was that the girl sitting on the adjacent table was my car pool partner and joined me two days before that particular morning :D.Only I know how i suppressed my laughter at that time! And to top the cake with cherries, croissants and macaroons; two weeks later at a common friend's birthday party, she was wearing a pink bra with white transparent t-shirt along with blue jeans and green thongs. Can you beat that combo !!! (ya, we saw the thongs too :D)
3) Women who suffer from cleanness fetish to the point of ad nauseum and make other people suffer because of this particular habit. They would want every damn thing in a room to be at its perfect place. They will always complain on the most ludicrous things you can think in this whole bloody universe.
Count these: "Why you have taken out that much sauce on the plate"," Why are you keeping the orange peels on the side table","why are you keeping the water on the front table","why are you keeping the wet towel in the bathroom","why are you keeping your shoes with my sandals" and so on.I have become completely disillusioned by this freaky behaviour and if i find one more girl like this, i swear i will shoot. Not myself, but her :P They are prey of maniacal hygienic-alimentary-healthy obsessions. They themselves are hysteric and generically unbearable, but very easily are able to criticize our life style, loading us with the faults of our stereotypes.Gosh, and as the famous dialogue from the movie Hum Tum goes, I am sure even God realised its mistake after he made females on this planet.
4) The women who will fight with the vegetable vendor in the morning for 1 rs in 1 kg of Onion or tomatoes, and then in the evening won't even think about saving money by buying the most expensive jewellary in the shop. They will emotionally blackmail you by offering the most ridiculous excuses like "it's an investment for the future", "it's for the welfare of our family", "its for the education of 'Monu', 'Sonu' and "Chutki'". That's a totally different case that when it actually comes to selling it at a later date in any unforeseen situation, they always accuse men of showering less love to them. I hate them because men dedicate their lives to fill up their world, we can kill our wishes and desires at time for them, we throw away half of our life trying, then giving, then again trying to keep up with them, just to be reminded at the end it was just NOT enough to satisfy them.
5) Women who take advantage of emotional side of men as a bait to make their wishes come true and treat them with utter disrespect. I completely disdain them because they serve men with the worse changes of mind with a candid smile, an evil heart and sharpened weapons, ready to attack at the worse protest. They completely change their stances at the rate of ball reaching to the point boundary on Sachin's square cut. They destroy men by their extraordinary ability to conveniently forget things, to turn the book onto a new chapter as if nothing has ever happened in the previous pages. They quickly delete and replace one man with another puppet with whom they can start dripping their honey laced talks that will eventually become sour after a while. They consider it absolutely normal that it is their exclusive birth right given by Jesus Christ to throw infantile tantrums, non completion of which can eventually lead to non existence of men's body and soul on this planet, or worse this universe. I hate the furtive glances with which they conclude that every interest of men (be it sports, body building or investments) is puerile, while their bull shit talks (be it pedicure, matching pin or a rosy scarf) are the most inalienable and undisclosed things waiting to be thrown on earth. What women doesn't realise is that the end of the men desiring women would be an ultimate and sad end to the women themselves.
6) Women who are always trying to show off their worth in the society. They pretend to be adorable, cute, feminine, seductive (or any other jazz word you want to add!) with their pictures on various social networking websites. They take their 'modern looking' cheek-to-cheek snaps with their friends to show their wild and sexy side. They always show off their kinky side in the pictures to be considered as the most popular and hip hop on the party circuit, foolishly not knowing that it reveals every small chunk of their sucking personality in front of everyone. They are always looking for materialistic things in this universe to keep them happy, be it new boots, dresses or lingerie. I hate them because all of such kind of women have monstrous obsessions about certain things in life and they never confess them, a little because they don't have the guts to be themselves and a little because they love to keep their exclusive privileges, including the one to pretend to be disgusted when they come to know men's exclusive privileges.
7) Women who are not able to decide when and how to have sex in a relationship. Forget sex for a moment, even a mild request for a kiss will be followed by the most innovative answers you will ever come across.Take these if you can: "What, no kiss today, my lipstick will get smeared"," What, no kiss today,its too hot and sticky today"," what, no kiss today, its raining today, let's enjoy the weather"," what, no kiss today, i just had a facial". Wtf! I hate them, because if something goes wrong in the bed, they never wonder it could have been because of their wooden behaviour or their involuntary skin convulsions at an inopportune moment. But very swiftly, they make us a source of great chagrin and self conscious sympathies. I hate them when while making love, they make us feel as if we are committing the most heinous crime on this planet and they are doing the most menial job ever designed for an employee in an organization. I hate them when she never feels obligated to the fact who is finishing last in between the sheets because she was not in the mood in the first place. I hate them when the lack of sex drive is attributed to an excess of sex sessions, an excuse which if given by us is tantamount to the less care, love and affection on our part. Ok, i stop!
PS: I feel i have so much more to add to this list, but with 2 assignment submissions and 2 mid semester tests due in next 6 days, i better stop here and let other people contribute to the list. Happy bitching about girls, cheers!