Looking for Love?

March 29, 2010

I Love you, But can't make love to you!

Alright, as i promised during the comments section while discussing point 7 in this post, i am back to rant on things related to the most dreaded word in Indian society - SEX !!! But before i start blabbering, here are a few assumptions applicable to this post (oh ya, MBA jazz words hold true always!).

(a) This post is written in the Indian context, please keep this in mind before making any comments/suggestions later on. (b) This post is from the point of view of only those people who are in love for a considerable duration of time and are contemplating the idea of making out. (c) This post is only for heterosexual couples and excludes asexuals, bisexuals, homosexuals and transsexuals.(d) This post is from a male point of view, and even though i am writing it, it should not be construed as any of my personal experiences (ya, i cover up well, i know :D)

Ok, let's get the ball(s!!) rolling .... :D

1) Why women have to equate SEX with all the materialistic things in this world?

Whenever you start talking about carnal desires, women always take the discussion to materialistic things in life, and that's where lies the problem. Why ALWAYS women have to equate worldly pleasures with sexual ambitions of a man or in their respective relationship. Sample these: You are not taking me for a movie, you just want sex from me. You don't call me in the night at 1am, you just want sex from me. You don't say I love you 20 times in a day, you just want sex from me. You don't allow me to shop for that new bag, you just want sex from me.

Point is, you keep on wanting all the marketing goods in this world, and in return if they are not fulfilled for whatsoever reason, men are blamed for wanting only SEX from you. How logical or rational it is, i think it's beyond my comprehension as i very simply put it into the bag of the-secrets-of-women-you-should-never-try-to-understand. Even when woman know he is different and mature, still that inevitable comparison always comes in. And it comes with such monumental percentages that at times, it completely rattles the relationship. We all are materialistic at certain points in life, but when females keep putting these things up their sleeves so that they can emotionally blackmail men in the future, it's not really fair. I am disgusted by their utter victimization of men where they will never stop to complain because it is more satisfactory to command feigning than to be submitted.

2) Why women always expect men to make the first move while making love?

I find it exceedingly nauseating that every time there is an opportunity of hitting the sack; men have to do all the underground work, which includes setting up the date, do all the booking(s), buy the contraceptives etc. OK, men are horny enough to take the action between the sheets to the next level ASAP, but can we please be mature about it rather than making an ego issue about it. Problem is women tried to get into this vicious circle of courteousness to such imposing proportions that they actually starts overlooking the other parts of men's personality and their respective finer attributes

On a lighter note, read this: One of my college friend's best friend was trying to have a fling with an up market south delhite girl, who by the way was giving ample hints of stripping off his clothes the moment she can lay her hands on him. That guy set up everything on a weekend at his home including a room full of scented candles, the best champagne in the market and what not. On the date, the girl quietly kept on enjoying all the adulation till a point came when she amusingly declare she was in "do-not-touch-me" zone of the month and can't do anything apart from kissing. huh, It was the complete bastardization of the romantic process, it was one of those WTF moments you will never ever want to forget in life :)

Oh and by the way, a recent study in India showed that in relationships where both partners are above 25, the percentage of men and women NOT initiating sex have almost turned equal now. Wow, finally the time has come to throw some tantrums, let the women show the pain and frustration. The era of revenge has arrived, buckle up your seat belts ladies - you are in for a hard time :D

3) Why women has to make such a big deal out of virginity?

Well, for starters let's say, men do that too. May be even more than women. But that is not the point i want to elucidate here. In India, you are a vestal virgin not due to choice, but simply due to lack of opportunities for that right moment. If both the parties want to go all the way and are stopping themselves because of a piece of tissue, well i am not sure it's the best position to be in. Ultimately, they get stuck in an initiating rut, resentment builds, power struggle ensue and sex starts to really suck (pun intended). What has fascinated me even more is the fact that it is actually the older women in our society (mostly mother's and their mother's too!) who make it a REALLY big deal out of it. I personally believe, loosing your virginity should be a matter of your own choice, rather than anyone else telling you when you should do it. Traditionalists may differ from my point of view, but in a society where pre-maritial sex and abortion rates are breaking the roof, we are still hung about such petty issues. Isn't this time to move on to handle other more important concerns?

4) Why women have to blame men for not hitting the right notes in the bed?

I am actually a little lost on this. Is it a deliberate ploy by women to throw tantrums to target your guilt? Is it usage of emotional explosions to encourage you to remember something you did in the past? Are you trying to tell me that making love to a women is NOT an emotional moment for men? you got to be kidding me. I am not providing any excuses for straying out of a relationship, but let's remember this, love is not often forever - it can change, it can lessen and it can also fizzle out with time. If i start listing the kind of excuses which women come up, i might end up seriously offending the cyber police at ever nook and corner of the blogging world. But it's so much better if women can learn to be more patient, not thinking of thousand "if-this-happens-then-what-will-happen" thoughts and make it a fucktacular moment of togetherness. Making love is not a blame game, neither its an ego issue of who is finishing first or last in the end. Its something to be savored in the time to come, and should be treated with respect in that way only.

5) Why some of the women don't pay attention to basic hygiene issues?

I absolutely hate to the deepest depths of my heart all those girls who never pay heed to the basics like waxing, pedicure, manicure and all that jazz! It's absolutely disgusting when we have to use the toothpick to take out the hairs stuck in between teeth while you are attempting to taste your actual birthplace. It's puking when you have to find grown vegetation in the most erogenous parts of the body. And don't give me the recorded version - you know how painful waxing is or you know how much time a pedicure takes.There are some rules for females and you need to follow them. Period ! (ya exactly, like you make a list of rules for us and cajoles to follow them).

Take this if you can: In my college, there was a girl who never ever waxed her upper lip during 4 years of engineering. Situation became so bad that by the time final year started, fellow students on her entrance to the class used to mouth the famous dialogue from Sharaabi - "Moochien ho to Nathu Lal ki jaise " :D. I still can't believe that she never listened to all those comments, or the fellow female classmates never interrupted her for the same. In nut shell, she never cared about it. And i am not even talking about sex here, it just a simple personal hygiene issue...and i am sure other bloggers too have similar stories to share.

6) Why women have to make such hue and cry about promiscuity?

Well, if we are not in love and we are not in a relationship, i have the every right to sleep with any person i want. You need to understand that sometimes two people are just not meant for each other, but does that mean that you are not meant for someone else too. After all if love is always new, so can sex be ! sex is just not about the right angles, its about the right aims. If you want to do it, no one can stop you. Please note in no way i am promoting cheating on your partner, but then if there are things not going right in the sexual part of the relationship, the responsibility should also lie on both the partners (and not just on the male!) to resolve in an efficient and effective manner. But instead men are always accused of being promiscuous, of being able to move on so easily and being heartless.

7) Why women throw such tantrums when it comes to oral sex?

Sometimes when such a situation comes along in a relationship, you feel like hitting her on the head for not providing a head. I hate women who bob up and down almost so mechanically, like kids on a seaside bungee-trampoline, who just managed to find their feet and their form again at the crucial moment of the intimacy. However astonishingly, when it comes to return the favour, they expect men to get down to the business end straight away. They want us to be completely drenched in the walls of wetness, a place where cuntness should be the only object of affection ever designed in this universe by God.They should learn the 3P of giving a head - Patience, Perseverance and Passion. (Am i sounding like a sex guru :P). I have never fathomed, why this double standards when it comes to oral sex - isn't the rule of equality works here or is it only when asking for 33 percent reservation in the Indian Parliament :D Women should realise that sometimes it becomes imperative NOT to think from the brain, and start thinking from the private parts. Only then the whole activity becomes pleasurable for both. Sometimes you have to be like a fucking kid in the candy carnal store looking for outbursts at any opportune movements. ok, i stop!

PS: I am pretty sure this post will be labelled as yet another sexist one and some people may prefer to give it a silent treatment. But over the years, i have found it exceedingly frustrating how much time we waste (and that surely includes me too!) on talking and thinking about the matters of sex in Indian society, without achieving any positive consequences in the end. Sex, an activity which actually happens so infrequently and generally for such short duration gets extraordinary footage in our society. I am not saying it doesn't happen in other foreign countries, but the complexities and the intricacies which we get ourselves entangled can surely be avoided by some mature thinking. Unfortunately till that happens, we need to bear with the same regressive thinking...


Aeish said...

FIRST..i think i'm underage to comment on this :P

Richa Sharma said...

Honestly, i thought of smiling n keeping shut abt the post... but after reading the last paragraph i thought, why not!! So here's it:

1. Sex should not be equated or bargained for materialistic things... the pleasure is gives is divine ;)

2. Waiting for ur man to make the first move is too tiring at times.. but yeah i think we are tied in the qualms of waiting to be asked for :(

3. Virginity IS a big deal... u would not know how much it pains to loose it... One cannot dramatize the effects for a husband ;)

4. I think the man should be directed wat are the right notes... doesnt make any difference!

5. I agree... totally!! Sex or no Sex,,, this is for our own!

6. Okay!!! Promiscuity is required. Why?? too little space. I ll write a post abt it n link it :P

7. I ll skip this ;)

Awesome post... Kp UP!!

Anonymous said...

One thing which strikes me immediately is the details with which you write it. Another important thing is how still you maintain that dose of humour yet strong points along with it. Loved it, though i am too unexperienced to make any comments about it....

Simha said...

Woah !!! Completely Out of the league. Can't agree to all the points but Nice post with all the miniscule details. :)

Preeti said...

wow !! nice one and with a touch of homour ...i hope u dont mind my big comment on the points ..

1. materialistic things and sex should not be mixed rt ?? ..i have heard guys saying " i'll buy her flowers , gifts and even took her out for dinner ,yet she wont even let me touch her " and the way ur guy friend said it was WTF moment ..i'll tell u the right word KLPD u guys say it ...accept it dude all the nice things guys do is to get sex ...and thats why women complain and compare ...ofcourse there are exception

2. Because she would be called a slut , horney bitch and a despo if she initiates it . typical indian male behaviour ...when things go wrong in relationships , guys will come up with such filthy language .

and secondly , we just dont get into mood like that just because we love you .

3.personally i dont get that either ..and if someone is virgin post 25 years of age , i'll say what the hell are you waiting for ..some divine intervention ..there are things you can do at 20 which you will not be able to do at 30 dooo it and do it sooon >..on a serious note each its own ...i dont care as long as girls and guys dont make it a big deal i am a true indian whatever to be chaste and pure ..and blag blah ..bull shit i say !!

4.its both ways ..but yes if there is an argument and all a guy wants to do is make love and patch up instead of talking ...we just cant do it !! why a guy makes it such a ego thing when a girl refuses ...why should a girl do it when she know she will not enjoy it ..period ..i dont do it coz i dont want it ..

5. what about guys ??? how many of them shave ..and how many of them even think about bad breath before ksiing their partner ..its not just girlss they consider shaving their beard as it might cause rashes to their partners , even washing and cleaning their organs before they want their women to give a blow job ???

6. how cool is an average indian male who fulfil all the assumptions about her ex going out and enjoying sex with other guys ..if she breaks up ..she is accused of cheating( i have hrd that often ) ..i find it easy to move on ..believe me that drive a guy crazzyyy ...

if a women choose to open about sex india she is labelled a perfect bitch ( horny) is a man's world , love making is women ..:) if a women will approach a guy , other 10 will take it for granted that she will sleep with them as well ... complex world my friend ...

and its a pity such a simple and fun thing like sex is soo complicated ...india has a long way to go ..

oRange* said...

Hahaha! Funny observations and yes, they are true but it wouldnt be fair to generalise :P

and i absolutely agree with Preeti, here when women talk openly about sex they are usually considered to be too bold or horny. Men dont expect women to speak about sex openly i guess. They arent prepared for it. So why dont you guys prepare yourself first before waiting for women to change ;)

Nice post!

suruchi said...

(Awww...I was feeling kicked about answering to all ur points...seems like you got all in the fairer sex thinking on the same lines;-)

Hey Amit...
Firstly...u have a “bag of the-secrets-of-women-you-should-never-try-to-understand”?
Wow..I wonder what more is in that little or is it a really big bag? Lolz:-)

A.1.Women don’t equate sex with all the materialistic things in the do...
Sample this: now didn’t I get u that bag..can we now have sex? Don’t I call u at 1 am at night...can we now have sex? Don’t I say ‘I love u’ to u 20 times a day...can we now...never mind...u know the rest!

A.2. Hellooooo...most women I know have initiated the first move...maybe u guys need to improve on ur courting n presentation skills...
Maybe in the case of that friend of urs...she came all willing...but the final packaging made her change her mind...*ouch...sorry friend...have to side with my fraternity on this one...*

A.3. Yup finally I agree with u here...too much issue over a tissue:-)

A.4. Women blame men for not hitting the right notes in bed??????? You seriously have to re-evaluate the women who are around’s the men who are big cribbies in bed...okay...we throw a tantrum about getting into the sack...but that’s coz u want us there all the bloody time...and even then...u feel you are not getting it’s not our fault if god installed sex-greedy additional plug-ins in u guys...

I think I have got a little lost in the question to round it off “fucktacular moment”...amazing just won the game yaar with that coining;-)

A.5. Ewwwww...I agree again...minus the gory details you’ve given there...though it applies to men too...often we could tie knots of hair emerging from the ears, erupting on the nose or plainly swaying down the eyebrows to almost the eyes...not to mention in other places...

A.6. Agree the rate I am agreeing with u...whatever....
Loved the line “sex is not just about the right angles, it’s about the right aims”...clap, clap!

A.7. OMG...I wanted to say no comments there...but u know how tough it is for me to shut my mouth*no puns intended*...okay...we get it...we have to sometimes be like the fucking kid, right? Lolzzzzz

Hey great post...I took I while to comment here coz its obvious...I almost wrote a post here in reply...
Love reading u...keep it up*no puns intended again*

Harini said...

I intended to give it a silent treatment as I felt I was too young but seriously couldn’t stop myself from commenting.

1)I agree that sex shouldn’t be equated with materialistic things. But men do it more than women if you ask me. Take this –

If a guy gets a rose it equals to peck on a cheek.
If he plans a romantic dinner it should be rewarded with a make out session.
If he gifts something expensive we are supposed to drop to our knees.

Don’t tell me this isn’t true as I have heard my guy friends say, “I have got her something which will make sure I have some action tonight”.

2)Cause if women make a first move she would be labeled a whore, slut or easy catch.

3)The day an Indian man is ok with marrying a girl who isn’t pure (in their lang) virginity wont be a big deal. The typical Indian male mentality… I can screw 10 girls but my wife should be pure. So again men care more about it.

4)Alright here I would have to say that its responsibility of both the partners to get it right. Not just the man.

5)Look who is talking. Men throw tantrums even to shower daily let alone shave.

6)The day a women wont be called a slut for sleeping around, we wont judge man too for doing it. Explain this… if a guy sleeps with 10 women he is macho and if a women sleeps with 2 she is a slut?

7)No comments :P.

To sum it all in an Indian society if a girl talks openly about sex (let alone having it)she is a whore or a slut. Thats the reason girls shut their mouth. Thats the reason i dint wanna comment in 1st place.

Ria said...

i dont think i have much to say here...coz i can see some huge comments up there. And besides, gusy shudnt b talking abt personal hygiene!? I hav known guys who dont take a bath for days lets not even go there!!

And btw yes, this was a totally sexist post!! Coz if v start talking abt things that men me we will probably need a couple of posts! :P

Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Aeishah

Come on, you are mature enough to comment on this. You are 18 plus, and just like love, sex has no bar too ;-)


Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Richa

1. Exactly, so why make materialistic things act as divine intervention. Shouldn’t making out be based on mutual trust and feelings.

2. Agreed, you are probably the only one who got the point, which was why it is ALWAYS expected for men to make the first move. Don’t men like surprises in relationships? People have ignored assumption no.2, according to which people are already in love. So, if you are worried about that the men are going to judge you in making the first move, you are in a wrong relationship in the first place. It’s OK for women to make the first move than contributing in the stagnation of a relationship.

3. I am aware of virginity issues with men, which is the reason why I mentioned it as the first line. How people are ignoring that line is something I cannot comprehend at this point of time. What I was trying to say is that those women who are blatantly arguing here about girls should be virgin before marriage do EXACTLY the same when they grow up to become mother themselves in their future lives. And this is getting continued for ages now in a vicious cycle in India, so where is the end? Where is the solution? It’s easy to blame, it’s difficult to find solutions.

4. Why this double standards of throwing everything at men all the time. Who has made these hypocrite rules? If you say society, then it’s time to change society for better sustainability of relationships, because clearly this blame game is affecting the people involved.

6.Let me know when you write the post about the Promiscuity, would like to read your point of view.


Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Anonymous

Thanks for liking it, i prefer to write in that way always. Though would have loved to have your feedback.


Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Simha

Glad you liked it, you don't have to agree with all the points. Personal opinions may differ. People are ignoring the PS here and playing the game of sexes here.


Anonymous said...

if your point of view is rational, then it being a male or female one doesnt matter innit?

and I think you are Generalizing MIGHTY BIG. and if you keep generalizing so much, you might end up single the whole of your life :>
And according to me you also come across as a sexist, with your "women women" rant.
So in general concept and judgement, you are a generalizing sexist :>

I find myself totally incapable of proceeding with this comment till you make it free of generalizations.

And BTW, "Never speak ill of the society Algie, those who never get into it do that" --Wilde XD

Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Preeti Di

I never mind big comments; at least it shows people have a lot to say to my write-ups.

1. You may have heard of the phrase – women give sex to get love, and men give to love to get sex. Now, if everything is related to love and sex, from where do all these materialistic things come into picture? If you are assuming that all men do it (which I am sure you are not), then it’s not fair. OK, I agree that men do expect sex at times while giving materialistic things. But then you are forgetting assumption 2, if you are in love – this should not be an issue. What you are pointing out are the things in a fling or a casual relationship. But I have seen this thing in proper relationships, and at times have experienced it myself. And that’s where the double standards creep in, because women use it as an emotional bait to give sex in lieu of various materialistic things.

2.I don’t agree, this is a complete generalization and again in a way out of context as it breaks the assumption no.2. Also, See response to Richa above for the same point. Though agree with the second statement, women take more time to get into the mood but that’s completely acceptable to me, since women are made that way. Though men don’t mind if once in a while, women initiate sex. And why is no one even talking about the ground work men have to do? Why are people ignoring the fact that it’s a pre conceived notion for men that if you want sex, do everything yourself. Is this a way relationship should work? Is this way respect is earned in a relationship? Think about it.

3.I agree, virginity is made out to be more than it actually is. But I guess it’s a traditional thing, it would take time for both men and women in India to adjust to the fact that it’s OK not to be virgin before marriage especially if you are marrying in late 20’s.

4.I don’t think we are on the right track here, the point you are mentioning is acceptable to me but it’s on a tangential direction. I was pointing out towards the fact that women hardly take ownership about things which go wrong in sex (provided both were in the mood and willing to make out). I am guilty of not providing a specific example here, but I have heard stories of women passing on the buck to men even when they themselves go ‘wooden’ during the session. That’s a different issue that it is not a generalization and men also blame women a lot if things are forced in any way.

Hopeless Romantic said...

5.Totally agreed, but was this the actual point? No, it was not. It was for those women who even after repeated insistence by men don’t care to go through the basic hygiene issues. I am actually surprised by the blame game here (not just in your comment), but is passing the buck to men solve the issue? Or is it like, you don’t do it, so I should not do it also? Additionally, people ignored here the fact if you have decide to make out, irrespective of the fact you are male or female, you just have to follow this. There is no two way about it, either you are doing it or not.

6.That’s an honest confession that you find it easy to move on. But I am sure you will agree too that women with such kind of thought process are in minority in India. Generally it happens the other way round, where men are always accused of being too heartless and very easily able to move on from one girl to another. My question is, if things are not working with a particular girl, and I have done everything to make it work – and I have decided to move on. It’s all over – I don’t own a responsibility to explain to anyone with whom I am going out or making out. Why this emotional atyachaar always thrown at men. Why promiscuity in men is made such a big issue in this kind of situation. People here are confusing with a situation where men cheat on their gfs or wives to be with another girl. I myself have mentioned in the post, I am not OK with cheating on your partners. Resolution of any issue be it emotional or sexual should be the responsibility of both men and women.

It saddens me completely to hear such confusions and tribulations relationships have to go through, because really if you love your partner – these things should not be even an issue. But unfortunately, till it happens or at least till it reduces, we have to bear the brunt of it.

Thanks a lot for your detailed comment, helped me in clarifying my point of view.


Priya Joyce said...

1. Have you ever noticed men behaving like "I love you not for your body but for the person you r"
oh come on!!
Why do they do so?? When all know that's nt true at al :P

I guess women (most of them) agree that sensuality ain't something materialistic!

2. I disagree!...many women do make the first move...
well if not there's a big reason behind it..
if Indian woman dun take a first step one of the main reasons is because many Indian men would name a girl as such "Bad" or rather wun be much interested in her...
The easy prey stuff :P U men need challenges ha? :D

3. Virginity is a big deal cos of the society...some women can't face the society tats all...
or may be they juss wanna be so close to one single man...
ter sure is a pleasure to be one man woman! however old fashioned it may sound!

4 I agree!...Many women think sex ain't love it's like being used...while sex can be one of the best ways of expressing love...and yeah men too are emo abt sumthing called sex..and specially when it's with someone they love..

5 some of the women get a waxing just a day bfore ter wedding's abt ignorance and nt abt carelessness..!

6 while sex is an important part of love..its just a part...after all...I disagree..
7.. something I cn fully agree to.....again...nt all women In India r like tat :P

Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Ayushi

First you decide whether the point of view was rational or not, provide your input – then we will provide the final word it. I don’t really judge people on the blogs by their age, but if your profile details are correct, you may not be aware of the complexities. May be that was the reason you couldn’t see the REAL issues and stuck with sexism and generalization point. No issue here can be free of generalisations, just like when women write a post the other way round, it cannot be construed as a generalization for men. However, male bashing keeps on happening on the blogs that is a different thing.

And by the way, how do you know I am single or if i am, i will remain single? Or did you generalised that also with the post. Wow! BIG assumptions and generalisations going on here in your comment. It would be better if you read the post again (including all assumptions) and then put forward your point of view. The post will never be free of generalisation, because that is an impractical situation. Just like you have to be in the society to make changes in the society, learn to deal with it and find solutions.

Again, the issue was not I am sexist or not, but issue was why these issues are not resolved by mature thinking in India and what can ACTUALLY be done to take them forward. So stop playing the blame game, and come up with some BACKUP


Anonymous said...

See? :D *eyes gleefully*
I generalized *once* and you got irritated, imagine you have geenralising ^ 100 time more than me, can u imagine how irritated must I be?

Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Orange

Thanks a ton, it was never meant to be generalization. However, reading your comment, i just realized one thing. And its not a blame thing for women, but think of it. How many women actually don't talk about sex with their partner thinking of the repercussions society may have. How can talking about sex with your partner is equated to bad things thrown at women by the society. I would say,its all in the mind. Women, in general get conscious by some useless creatures in society and ultimately any honest person in a relationship has to suffer.


Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Ayushi

I am not irritated at all. This is not the first time i have written an anti women post. So, i kinda expect this reaction. But i have a serious problem with comments which go off track with the post and don't contribute anything in this section. And you have done exactly that. Also, you are making personal statements about me (breaking the assumption no.4) which is not acceptable to me in any way.

So next time when you comment, provide something solid. Till now 4 comments between us, but good for nothing !!

More Peace,

Anonymous said...

Nopes, my comment hasn't been offtrack.
Generalization if the foundation of this post. Its always below the ground, doesn't mean that its non-existent.

Anonymous said...

and BTW, you yourself said its 'anti-women'
So what I conclude is, you'd rathe rbe anti women, than being anti-some-ideals.
Hate the deed and not the doer, thou hear'est, my good lord? :>

Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Ayushi

What is wrong with you girl? You don't understand SIMPLE English. If you really want to see an ON track comment, see the responses above for which I have replied. They were also not in unison with me, and have issues with the post - but there is a way to write about it. Have you done that? Show me even one point for or against any of the issues which I have raised. You have made an assumption about generalisation and going gaga about it.

Read again carefully, I said in the past it was ‘anti women’. This was not anti women, but anti sex issues for women in India. In Assumption 4, it has been clearly states it's only from a male point of view. So get some life, and stop throwing these immature comments here. If you can’t be objective about issues, doesn’t de- mean them by putting in your feministic attitude here; it’s not going to work. Keep it for your blog and do some more male bashing there. No one is stopping you. Also, don't shove big lines for the sake of it, no one is getting impressed here and you are just making a fool of yourself by arguing over a nonexistent argument.

Stay Away,

Richa Sharma said...

@Amit: though i think u r not in the right mood right now for all the right reasons...

I had to say something to ur response to me on Pt. 4.

No double standards.. wat i meant was why keep the guy guessing what is the right note... why not 'on the way' keep telling him ;)

Conversation is a part after all :P

Hopeless Romantic said...


I replied to your comment much before anyone else, second to be precise. No way response to you or for that matter to anyone will be affected because of some jerk. Since you have recently read my whole blog, you should have known i can maintain that objectivity while replying to any comments.

Anyways, coming back to the point -There is nothing wrong on keeping him knowing through conversations. But my only concern here is (and you have also assumed that in your reply) that men at times also don't know that who is going wrong in bed. Sometimes making out can be too much of any emotional outburst for them (however you may accuse of them being horny!), and in that situation, "smart" women play safe and put the blame on men. That's where the issues come in! Hope this is a better explanation.


Miss Sunshine said...

that was one not-sensitive post by you. I'll not go into the details..because as it goes..
"to each his own!"

Phoenixritu said...

Great post, great comments. I think I will just mark my presence here

mêlée said...

first of all, You are BACK!! in true spirits :) and I am sure you are going to write more posts that I would enjoy better.....

For this one, assumptions fall short of defining the context...but then its not your limitation at chose a topic where rules and exceptions are in an undefined/unknown ratio.
And you made women speak! a lot of them.

Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Suruchi Di

I do have the bag, and its HUGE – it’s always above capacity and overflowing. Can we please do something to handle it: P

1. Lol, I kinda agree with that cute response. But the more serious issue was with those women who actually use sex as an emotional excuse to get their materialistic ambitions fulfilled. These kind of women may be in minority, but that is not really the point here.

2. If you think women make the first move, you are in ultra minority here. Women like you should be treasured in museum, they are a rare breed and conservation laws should be changed to preserve the species like you :D I have my own doubts that she changed her mind at the last moment – Either she was pretending to enjoy the adulation till then or she was a bloody hypocrite. Though I know from the friend that she was actually going to the washroom too often that evening, so could be a case of genuine problem also. But that was just a funny incident; it shouldn’t take out the seriousness from the main point.

4. You are breaking the assumption no.4; all is just not my personal experiences. I am just a representative of the poor distressed souls on this planet – men: P and it is not our mistake also if GOD installed those plugs in us, why can’t you deal with something which the almighty has provided mankind. Even he is on our side, it’s the women who should learn to deal with it, because we are helpless creatures. This is a natural phenomenon and we can’t do anything about it. Additionally, tantrums about getting into a sack are OK, till they don’t cross a desired level. After all, what sex is without a bit of tantrums thrown in, men in any case require challenges :P

5. I agree, but then for women its necessity and add to their feel good factor. With men, you can’t say it always, though excess of anything is NEVER good. I know not fair on women, but then men didn’t made rules of waxing, pedicure and manicure. We have just got used to it; you have spoilt us – now bear with the repercussions when you are not perfect with it.

6. Thanks, good at least someone agrees with me. *Pats on my back, and please no kicks on the ass*

7. Right, be a fucking and sucking kid :P

Thanks a ton, it was a light reply thinking about the heavy weight responses I have to offer to some of the people here.


Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Apurva

I think it was a very sensitive post. You may not be able to relating to it, because (a) may be you are not experienced in these matters (b) you are dismissing as a sexist and anti-women post (c) you think sex issues in a relationship are really trivial.

There is no harm in providing a “your own kind of response”, after all that’s how we always learn.


Hopeless Romantic said...


Lol, enough said already it seems for you. Thanks for dropping by, I appreciate that.

See you around,

Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Melee

OMG, you mean I need to be “sexist”, “sadistic” and “anti-feminist” to be back to the true spirits ;-)

Well, I think I have made very clear in the beginning itself in what context I am talking about, some of the people are ignoring the assumptions. I guess I have to bear the brunt of punching in too many things in one post. Because by the time you reach the end of the post, you forget about the assumptions in the first paragraph: P We should NOT confuse this with any casual fling or relationships though that was not completely out of context, but it was a side issue. More important issue was for people who are in LOVE and face these kind of dilemmas in sex.


Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Ria

There is a HUGE problem in the way you are perceiving the post or rather making conclusions based on it. Why should MEN not talk about the personal hygiene issues of women. Who has given women the right to stop men from talking about it? I personally prefer hygiene of an optimum level and would like to see the same in the opposite sex. Does throwing things back at men takes you to a solution? No, it just makes you feel good momentarily. And you missed the main context, we were talking about the hygiene in SEX, and just not in general terms. ALso, see responses above to Richa and Preeti for more clearer explanations.

It's OK to dismiss the post as sexist but i don't think that will lead anyone anywhere. And posts on men, you got be kidding me! This is just a one off post, i read anti men posts everyday on 90 percent of female blogs i follow. Anything "different" is generally written off quickly without giving a chance. its only with time, people realise the right intentions behind it.


Ria said...

Amit: I think u hav going to the wrong blogs then, coz i dont remember ever writing a hate men kinda post. :)

And btw, wasn't ur post a single sided post on women...what abt the men!? Isnt like a equal and opposite reaction!!

Ria said...

and btw, i dont have anything against men!!but this post totally puts the blame onto women!!as if men dont do anything and are as innocent as puppies.

Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Ria

Read carefully, When did i say you have written an anti-men post :O And i don't think its right to evaluate what are the right or wrong blogs based on those anti men posts also. But, this is an observation (about such kind of feminist posts) which i have made not just in one or two weeks. I have seen this over a period of close to three years on blogs. And there are many reasons for it as well - a) Female dominates the blog arena, over 70 percent blog are owned by them. b) Females want to talk and express themselves more than men and blogs provide them an opportunity to do so c) Women at times fail to have the guts to take the necessary steps in dealing with social situation, so atleast venting out against men help them soothing their fuming muscles. But not every women is right, neither their conclusions are right always.

Read assumption no.4, in the very beginning i have said - it's from a men point of view, degree of sideness towards male is something i am neither interested in evaluating nor it makes any difference to me. This was my point of view and i have shared all the experiences. Women do have their reactions as evident from this long elaborated comment section. And they have every right to express it in a cordial manner.


Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Ria

The post actually looks to find some solutions to the sex issues in India. You may call it blame, but that is not really the intention. And i am not here to do a critical analysis for men vs females, that i will be soft on them. Do girls go soft while writing generalised statements about men?. So how can you expect anyone to be neutral while writing from a men's point of view. And accept it, if i tried to be neutral, this post would not have even half the effect.


Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Harini

1. I am not sure how you are making such kind of evaluations, may be it’s your personal experience or experience of people around you. I have said above a few times, so you may just like to read other responses on the same point. But again, I just want to reiterate the bottom line of this issue, I have serious problems with women who uses sex as a lieu to get materialistic things done in a relationship.

2. Again, you missed the main issue I was referring to. I myself have accepted the thing you have mentioned in the comment. It’s another issue within this which I wanted to potentially portray, but people are turning a blind to it.

5. Again, we were talking about in sex. Passing the blame to men don’t take away the gravity of the issue that women are also culprits of doing the same.

7. This is my personal observation – when women don’t find anything to pass the buck to men, they say no comments: P

I have made selective responses to your comment because I have said a lot above, and anything else I would just be repeating myself. One suggestion, you need to re evaluate your priorities with whom you want to talk openly about sex. Here we were talking about people in love (assumption no.2), so how can discussing sex in a relationship tantamount to being labelled as whore or slut. And if this is happening, you are in a wrong relationship in the first place.

Take care,

Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Priya

1. There is an inherent flaw in your comment. You are conveniently assuming that women will also be happy with any kind of men’s body. You also know women throw far more tantrums when it comes to choosing the kind of men they want to hang around. Though I do agree that men are more vocal about what they prefer to have in a woman (a good body is probably a rule than an exception). May be it’s time for women to be more vociferous in what kind of body they would like men to have: D

2. Women making first move are in ultra minority. See response above for Suruchi Di for more lucid explanations. It’s a mental block not to make the first move even when you are in relationships, and then you easily blame women to get bored of you. That is because even when men make efforts to do something different (which can be anticipating women to make the first move), you hardly provide a satisfactory response. Your comment about being “bad” and all don’t hold here (assumption no.2). Men need challenges, but not the closed one or the one they know they will not get cooperation.

3. Agreed, but your comment is out of context. Main issue was the double standards female themselves adopt when dealing with virginity when they are single as compared to when they become mother of a girl child. Though I love the thought of being a one woman man or a one man woman!

4. Finally, someone agreed on this. I am happy about it. Hi’5 

5. It’s a combination of both ignorance and carelessness. Because they would want men to be perfect (shaved etc) but won’t do it themselves because supposedly they haven’t done it before. Also, I was talking about hygiene issues in SEX and not just in general terms.

6. If sex is just an important part of love, why women has to judge a men’s character solely based on the fact that he has the maturity and practicalness to move on when things are not going in the right direction. And you know what, these days I have actually seen the reverse, when men have increasingly started blaming women because they move too easily while men are looking for more stability. Whether it is right or wrong is a matter of another long discussion.

7. Most are like that. Hypocrite, boring and uninteresting when it comes to oral sex, but wanting the best job to be done by men when it comes to return the favour.

Thanks for chipping in with your views!


Miss Sunshine said...

But all in all, I like the post for the sincerity and honesty of it. :)

Miss Sunshine said...

because (a) may be you are not experienced in these matters (b) you are dismissing as a sexist and anti-women post (c) you think sex issues in a relationship are really trivial.

a) Experienced. Hmmm.. I don't wanna talk about my personal issues with anyone, so I give you the benefit of doubt.

b) You yourself mentioned it's the first time you wrote an anti-female post. So, my point of view comes later.

c) I'm 19, and not thick or dumb. Neither do I live in a fantasy world. Yes, 19 is young comparing to what you've seen and all, but let's not forget that at my age you were in a deprived college where I so very well know how guys' and for that matter girls' mentality works.
And I don't belong to that group. I'm pretty well aware of all the sides! :)
And I'm in a relationship for the past three years.

It's not related to the post, but just a comparison to let you know, that I know what I'm saying!


Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Apurva

I also don't want to discuss personal issues here neither i am interested. That is a different thing that people can come here and make personal remarks about my romantic life (or men like me) during college days.

I have written a women bashing post before also,and this was not anti women, it was sex issues in women.

If you have read my blog before with a little attention, you should have known about my ex-relationships. I don't need to be boastful to prove anything.

If you are in a relationship (consequently having some experience) and still you commented that it was NOT a sensitive post, there is something wrong. Either you have not identified with issues or you don't want to accept them.


Harini said...

@ Amit

When i say talk about sex i dont mean your guy/ girl. If you arent and cant be open with them whom can u be with?

See Amit, I might be deviating from the topic here but unless a girl or a guy can talk openly about sex and not care to be labeled we will have zil knowledge about it and also about STD's. I mean the girl who works for me once came crying saying she did a mistake and i had explain that making out wont get her pregnant. Thats the state of few people. They cant talk, cant discuss so they know nothing.

Coming to other points... i would have read your before comments and i will get back :P.

Oh yeah, a interesting post... I must say :P.

Hopeless Romantic said...

@ Harini

I can understand from where you are coming on this issue and I am aware of the complications a girl may face, but here I was talking about people in relationships - so the fact that people are equating with “bad” things thrown at women is actually out of context. If you are judged by men for talking about sex or initiating it first, then simply it’s not the right relationship. Period!

The issue of your friend is a different topic as it deals with how society feels about sex, and how anything related to physical intimacy is put down in the first instance. But let me tell you something as well, even men have these kind of apprehensions due to lack of proper sex education. They go through similar dilemmas, unnecessary tension and unwarranted headache. That is a different matter that they hardly talk about it with others (including their male friends) and keep it to themselves, thereby creating a self destructive ruckus within them.
However, we also need to understand that things can never be put in such black and white brackets in equal proportions. Even when you are in understanding relationships, you are part of society and things will affect relationships in some way or the other. My main motive through this post was to convey the sex issues which men face directly because of women (and not due to society, which can be a matter of discussion in another post). If you look carefully, in every issue I have given a few lines how women can deal with it practically at an intellectual level. However, people are more concentrating on the “women-critical” part than the “suggestion” part.

Feel free for providing any more observations/suggestions/comments.


Bhavia said...

Hey nice one :)
I agree with you on all the points except point#3.

We don't have any issues with it..
Its you guys who have a lot of botherance about "that piece of tissue"

May be that you stay abroad that you don't care..but indian guys..they DO care :) ;) :P

Hopeless Romantic said...


Thanks, but you missed the point. Read again, the fact that Men do it has already been taken as an accepted fact and written as the first line in the post. Pushing the envelope back to men don't solve anything. It is also a fact that before men, women (and in this case mothers!) are themselves hypocrite about something they might have least bothered before marriage.

I am here for studies only and i am truly an Indian at heart. Don't make assumptions about anyone on the basis of just one post. But yes, Indian guys do care but then exceptions are always there.


Gaurav Agarwal said...

To be honest, I loved the discussion on the comments equally (or more) than the blog post itself !! You are one fierce expresser and defender of opinions !

Anonymous said...

Some of the comments are longer than the posts.

A Post well written and well handled.