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September 27, 2009

Just For Today, I Hate Women!


Enough of love, let's be different today and talk about what i hate,
specifically in the opposite sex. This list is being written after hearing, reading and experiencing first hand, the numerous experiences in the short span of my existence on this planet. Anyways, the below list is definitely not and should not be considered a complete list by any stretch of imagination. People of any sex (!!) are free to add their valuable points in this compilation.

It is being said, women are puzzles to be solved. Oh ya sure, kiss my ass! Puzzles to be solved which doesn't have a definite answer. If for a change, even they are asked to solve their puzzles, i am sure they will commit suicide :P . Nevertheless, here is the list...

1) Women who crib about the fairer sex emancipation and liberation every time you talk to them; gives you endless sermons about equal opportunity in the society and then go home - and watch fucking regressive serials like 'Balika Vadhu','Kyunki saas bhi Kabhi Bahu thi','Kusum' and what not, that too religiously day-in and day-out. All that jazz like, 'come on, it's just a serial', 'there are so many bad things happening anyways around','they sometimes show positive things also about women' are just preposterous thoughts. It doesn't take an iota less from the fact that you are actually contributing towards such kind of serials being made by watching them in the first place. If there is no market, these serial will never be made in the wildest imagination of any TV producer. There are surely better way of utilizing your free time constructively than watching these serials. And if you eventually decide to watch them in the first place, then shut up your mouth. You have absolutely no right to talk on female regression in society. I agree with a statement i heard the other day in a chat show, women need to watch drama in reel life to become better drama queens in real life. So bloody true!

2) Women who commit dressing faux-pa by wearing ill matched undergarments with transparent/translucent Tees and T shirts and then bitch about the attire of other people within the team/project/company/college/school/university/malls/multiplexes/on the street :D ok, I stop. You got the drift na!

Sample this: during my working days as a software professional, a bitch (let's call her Miss P) was unfortunately my project mate. On one sunny glorious morning, i made a mistake of having coffee with her in the company cafeteria. While gulping down the most pathetic coffee from the office vending machine, she started throwing lavish compliments (or comments :D) on the a girl's dressing sense sitting on the adjacent table. She preached a sermon for the next 5 minutes, hearing which even Baba ramdev will fall on her toes. She constantly cribbed on how girls should dress appropriately in an official environment and how they themselves are responsible for their safety while going out at public places. What Miss P did not knew was that the girl sitting on the adjacent table was my car pool partner and joined me two days before that particular morning :D.Only I know how i suppressed my laughter at that time! And to top the cake with cherries, croissants and macaroons; two weeks later at a common friend's birthday party, she was wearing a pink bra with white transparent t-shirt along with blue jeans and green thongs. Can you beat that combo !!!
(ya, we saw the thongs too :D)

3) Women who suffer from cleanness fetish to the point of ad nauseum and make other people suffer because of this particular habit. They would want every damn thing in a room to be at its perfect place. They will always complain on the most ludicrous things you can think in this whole bloody universe.

Count these: "Why you have taken out that much sauce on the plate"," Why are you keeping the orange peels on the side table","why are you keeping the water on the front table","why are you keeping the wet towel in the bathroom","why are you keeping your shoes with my sandals" and so on.I have become completely disillusioned by this freaky behaviour and if i find one more girl like this, i swear i will shoot. Not myself, but her :P They are prey of maniacal hygienic-alimentary-healthy obsessions. They themselves are hysteric and generically unbearable, but very easily are able to criticize our life style, loading us with the faults of our stereotypes.Gosh, and as the famous dialogue from the movie Hum Tum goes, I am sure even God realised its mistake after he made females on this planet.

4) The women who will fight with the vegetable vendor in the morning for 1 rs in 1 kg of Onion or tomatoes, and then in the evening won't even think about saving money by buying the most expensive jewellary in the shop. They will emotionally blackmail you by offering the most ridiculous excuses like "it's an investment for the future", "it's for the welfare of our family", "its for the education of 'Monu', 'Sonu' and "Chutki'". That's a totally different case that when it actually comes to selling it at a later date in any unforeseen situation, they always accuse men of showering less love to them. I hate them because men dedicate their lives to fill up their world, we can kill our wishes and desires at time for them, we throw away half of our life trying, then giving, then again trying to keep up with them, just to be reminded at the end it was just NOT enough to satisfy them.

5) Women who take advantage of emotional side of men as a bait to make their wishes come true and treat them with utter disrespect.
I completely disdain them because they serve men with the worse changes of mind with a candid smile, an evil heart and sharpened weapons, ready to attack at the worse protest. They completely change their stances at the rate of ball reaching to the point boundary on Sachin's square cut. They destroy men by their extraordinary ability to conveniently forget things, to turn the book onto a new chapter as if nothing has ever happened in the previous pages. They quickly delete and replace one man with another puppet with whom they can start dripping their honey laced talks that will eventually become sour after a while. They consider it absolutely normal that it is their exclusive birth right given by Jesus Christ to throw infantile tantrums, non completion of which can eventually lead to non existence of men's body and soul on this planet, or worse this universe. I hate the furtive glances with which they conclude that every interest of men (be it sports, body building or investments) is puerile, while their bull shit talks (be it pedicure, matching pin or a rosy scarf) are the most inalienable and undisclosed things waiting to be thrown on earth. What women doesn't realise is that the end of the men desiring women would be an ultimate and sad end to the women themselves.

6) Women who are always trying to show off their worth in the society. They pretend to be adorable, cute, feminine, seductive (or any other jazz word you want to add!) with their pictures on various social networking websites. They take their 'modern looking' cheek-to-cheek snaps with their friends to show their wild and sexy side. They always show off their kinky side in the pictures to be considered as the most popular and hip hop on the party circuit, foolishly not knowing that it reveals every small chunk of their sucking personality in front of everyone. They are always looking for materialistic things in this universe to keep them happy, be it new boots, dresses or lingerie. I hate them because all of such kind of women have monstrous obsessions about certain things in life and they never confess them, a little because they don't have the guts to be themselves and a little because they love to keep their exclusive privileges, including the one to pretend to be disgusted when they come to know men's exclusive privileges.

7) Women who are not able to decide when and how to have sex in a relationship. Forget sex for a moment, even a mild request for a kiss will be followed by the most innovative answers you will ever come across.Take these if you can: "What, no kiss today, my lipstick will get smeared"," What, no kiss today,its too hot and sticky today"," what, no kiss today, its raining today, let's enjoy the weather"," what, no kiss today, i just had a facial". Wtf! I hate them, because if something goes wrong in the bed, they never wonder it could have been because of their wooden behaviour or their involuntary skin convulsions at an inopportune moment. But very swiftly, they make us a source of great chagrin and self conscious sympathies. I hate them when while making love, they make us feel as if we are committing the most heinous crime on this planet and they are doing the most menial job ever designed for an employee in an organization. I hate them when she never feels obligated to the fact who is finishing last in between the sheets because she was not in the mood in the first place. I hate them when the lack of sex drive is attributed to an excess of sex sessions, an excuse which if given by us is tantamount to the less care, love and affection on our part. Ok, i stop!

PS: I feel i have so much more to add to this list, but with 2 assignment submissions and 2 mid semester tests due in next 6 days, i better stop here and let other people contribute to the list. Happy bitching about girls, cheers!

September 18, 2009

When Love Got Trapped In A Marriage...


"It would take 7 minutes to heat pasta in the microwave, you want to have another round of heaven through the rear gate", asked Aryan, slowly biting his lower lip.

" Oh ya, i am sure seven minutes is a long time to explore the heaven", quickly came the reply from the corner of the room realizing only six and a half minutes were remaining.

They started peeling their clothes quickly off each other bodies like you peel potatoes during cooking. Then they began stripping there in the middle of the kitchen, kissing each other in and around collar bone of the neck, looking into each other eyes, both briefly assessing how to best utilize the minutes available, which by that time was reduced to five and a half minutes.

Aryan spread out the blanket on the kitchen floor and laid down with his back parallel to the kitchen floor and imagine himself as a horse which is going to be ridden by his master. His manhood was slid into the rear door quickly, and a familiar sensation went through their bodies that they have simultaneously appreciate and specifically anticipate in each others' companionship for the last three years. He gasped at the thrust, moaned in delight and smiled intriguingly realizing only three and a half minutes are remaining.

Aryan wanted to feel the body weight pressed against him, he wanted to hear the sexy sounds of the grunts in his ear. He wanted to fetch the freckled shoulder which was getting strained in the response of bearing the counterbalance of his muscular body as the continuous ramming of his rod on the gates of heaven was taking a frantic pace. He made his strokes faster realizing only one and a half minutes are remaining.

Aryan switched it up, using his knees as leverage against the pelvis as he pushed into the rear entry down upon him with surprisingly fluid movements until his legs warned him that they weren't sure how much longer they could hold the same position. His body was buckling down under their body weights as he was about to climax at any time. But as his jumbo-jet sprinkled the corners of the heaven with the love serum, as the minutes tickled down to zero on the timer of the microwave and as the scent of the pasta wafted through the whole kitchen, it was a unbearably breathtaking sensation he felt at that time. He came near, said in a soft hush voice in the ears, " I really adore you, its always a pleasure to make love to you". And before the opposite voice started choking with tears, Aryan brought the pasta along with couple of plates and fork. Together they ate and watched each other, naked still but with smiles on each other faces.

Three weeks later....

"This is the seventh time in the last 20 days, you are staying over night in the office, what the hell is going on Aryan?", Ishita facial muscles were blowing with anger and eyes were protruding out with disappointment.

" What the fuck, i have high workload at office and this is going to be the same in the coming few weeks, take it or leave it", Aryan conveniently tried to avoid the real motive of him saying overnight.

Ishita sat on the couch with her face hidden between the inner surface of the hands and the outer surface of the long lustrous hairs. Her eyes became blood shot red, as tears filled in them, " I really don't know Aryan, what wrong i am doing in this marriage. I try to be the best wife, be it taking care of your everyday things or cooking your favourite dishes. I mean, we can talk about it, but atleast i should know first what is the issue. I am running out of patience now. tell me", She pleaded literally with her eyes.

Aryan meanwhile calmed down a little bit, came close, sat down near her feet and started talking, " Ishita, trust me, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, Its just that i need some time in this marriage. Things just happened so fast. First dad fall ill, and then his desire to see me married, then our marriage and finally, his passing away. Its just bloody too difficult to handle", he tried to pacify the situation by taking the conversation into a tangential direction.

"I hope this is the only reason", she stopped for a moment to wipe off the tears and said, "Can i ask you something, Aryan", and looked at him with a genuine face.

"ya, please tell me, i am ready to talk whatever you want, anything i can help you", Aryan replied with a half hearted heart even procrastinating her question.

"Was there anyone else in your life with whom you were involved, before our parents and other relatives started talking about our marriage", Ishita literally asked a million dollar code question.

Aryan stopped and thought for a moment, is this the time to tell her the real motive of his staying late in office these days, is this the time to tell her that he married because of pressure from the numerous relatives close to him, is this the time to tell her that he married because dad took a promise to marry a suitable girl before he dies, is this the time to tell her that he was just not into her or made up of all this marriage bullshit. is this the time to tell her how he is feeling trapped in this marriage and he will never become the way she wants him to be.

His thoughts were interjected by the ringing tone of his Nokia N76 mobile, he looked at her, and said, " Ishita, we will talk about this on the weekend at length", "Right now i have to rush for work. I will catch you later". Aryan picked his briefcase, put the mobile on silent without attending the call from heaven and left home. But as he was leaving, he made up his mind, he is going to tell Ishita each and every thing, he can't fool her and himself in this cage of marriage. Tomorrow is going to be the D day!".

Three months Later...

They both came out of the cabin, Ishita with folded hands around the chest and Aryan with hands inside the pockets of the trousers. Both wanted to say things to each other, but stopped letting the other person initiate the conversation. Both felt the tinge in the way you feel after having a heady vodka martini, which leaves you both shaken and stirred.

Suddenly a gush of emotions ran through from top to bottom nerves of Ishita, she wanted to run from there like a wild kangaroo out of the closet, he came close to Aryan, and said " All the best, May god fulfill all your wishes, I am sure good things are around the corner for you!", she kissed him on the right cheek and started walking towards the parking. She sat in the car, started the engine, and moved away forever from his life as she left the premises of the Delhi High court on Sher Shah Road.They were finally divorced...

Three Years Later...

@ Gate 14, Sydney International Airport, Sydney.


"Oh wow,what a pleasant surprise Ishita, how is it going?", Aryan literally jumped seeing her unexpectedly after such a long time.

"I am good, i was here for official work to meet a client, i am going back to Delhi tonight"."You tell, how is it going?" " You just vanished, even deleted your Orkut and Facebook account. It was so tough to trace you back.
I hope everything is well with you", She said with a slight pinch of sadness of not having heard him in three years.

"Well ya, it was tough to have an active social life after we both got divorced, you know how it is
in India. So as soon as i got a job in Qualcomm here, we both moved to Australia. Dheeraj also got a job after six months, and everything is legal here, you know what i mean, right.", he said with a tinge of feeling guilty of having not contacted her during all these years.

"Ya, i can understand. It was tough for me also answering all sorts of questions back home, but i guess i managed well in the end".. she paused before continuing," I am happy for you, You are satisfied and that's what matters the most. But hey, where is Dheeraj, are you travelling alone?", she completed her sentence only to realise a second later the futility of it.

"There he is coming, actually he just went into the washroom," Aryan said pointing towards the direction from where he is coming," but seeing Dheeraj stopped at the Taco Bell Pizza corner, Aryan started moving in his direction to fetch him across the counter, only to be stopped by Ishita.

"Aryan, wait, its ok. My flight is on time, I have to move to gate no. 27 and its a bit far away from here. So may be some time later," Ishita wanted to get off from there ASAP.

" But meet Dheeraj once atleast, god knows when we are going to meet again," Aryan fervently replied with slight tilt of the head towards right.

"Aryan, Just let it be. You know what, you still haven't understood me. For however short duration it was, i loved you from the deepest depths of my heart. From taking care of your every day Breton perfumed handkerchief to cooking Italian Pasta every Saturday, from understanding your inherent sexual limitations to consoling myself of an almost non existent sex life with you, from being a divorcee wife in a hypocrite society like ours to an 18 hour working manager of Arikeent Technologies, i have always loved you. And be it a man or a woman, i would always feel jealous seeing you with someone else. So just let me go". She paused for a moment, had a final look at him and said, "hope to see you sometime in future, you take care," and started moving with her handbag trolley towards gate no.27.

Aryan realized the love she has showered to him in all these years, he realised what a brave women she has been who has stood beyond the whims and fancies of the society, he reliased how lonely she must have felt in all these years. He wanted to go back to give her a hug, and tell how special person she is for him even after whatever happened between them. But he couldn't collect enough courage. He stood there, motionless, senseless, with tears lurking around the corner of his eyes, and just two words on his lips, "Thank You!"

PS: It was published recently in a daily Indian newspaper, that considering four major metros (Mumbai, Hyderabad, Bangalore and Kolkatta), atleast 1.12% of the total population in these cities is of alternate sexuality who go ahead and gets married in a heterosexual marriage. Only 0.028% of that population has been able to break such 'trappings' and moved on to live abroad where homosexuality is acceptable by law. Even as section 377 of the Indian constitution decriminalizes homosexuality, is there a possibility that they will be acceptable in the Indian society like a normal couple or i am putting across this question a few decades too early! Think about it....

September 15, 2009

Love, Quotes & A Tag !


Alright, in this tag you have to answer the question in just one sentence, preferably using a famous quote or a punchline. So here we go....


1) If your male friend is getting married, what is the best advice you will give it to him?
A: Just learn the four most important words in any marriage - " I'll do the dishes!"

2) How can you make sure a man is happy with a woman (and vice versa) in any relationship?
A: To make a man happy, you must understand him and love him a little. To make a women happy, you must love her a lot and try not to understand her at all.

3) How can you make sure your wife always stay at home with you?
A: When I got married, i simply told my wife - "I will always be with you, if you leave this home, i would follow you." She never left me.

4) Which is the best thing money can buy in love?
A: The most beautiful, natural, wholesome thing money can buy in love is SEX :D

5) What is the inter-relationship of love and sex in life?
A: Love is the final answer, but while you are waiting for the answer to reach you; Sex raises some pretty good questions.

6) Why love is treated entirely a matter of chemistry?
A: What else will you regard love as when you get treated by your wife/gf as toxic waste.

7) Do you believe in the concept of true love?
A: True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.

8) Which is easier to be - a husband or a lover?
A: It is easier to be a lover. Reason, it is more difficult to be witty everyday than to say pretty things from time to time.

9) When do you think you can say you are in Love?
A: You know its love when you want to keep holding hands even after they are sweaty and messy :P

10) Why the Hopeless romantic is so cynical and satirical at times on his blog?
A: Remember, behind every cynic there lies a romantic, and most probably an injured one.

PS: Ok, i made up the last one! But, Anyways I am not sure how this tag came along in my draft posts, but indeed google helped in coming up with the best answers to each of the question. Please feel free to take this tag, if you like it. And if you don't, then leave a comment :D

September 12, 2009

And The Love Showers Continue......


Ok, I am a bit late in putting this one on my blog, but few days back a fellow blogger, Saim from Kolkatta wrote a follow up story of one of my fictional tales - When Love Signed a Blank Cheque. So, if you have already read the original story on my blog earlier, you can go ahead and read this one too. Alternatively, you may read it on his blog too here. Its a touching piece of writing and it carries the similar style/tone as my post. He surely deserves kudos of appreciation for this. Enjoy...

3 Days later after Nitin's death......

Garima stood in her balcony gazing into nothingness. The night which was to be the witness of their togetherness had chosen a different path. A twisted fate had come and drowned her into numbness, leaving nothing in it's wake but memories. Memories of a time much better, of a love eternally pure and of a bond seemingly unbreakable. Memories which refused to leave her, almost overpowering her and making her relive all of them, one by one, piece by piece almost as if she were rearranging the whole picture into a jigsaw puzzle.

Karoge yaad to har baat yaad aayegi
Guzarte waqt ki har mauj theher jaayegi

As the skies opened up to share her grief, she finally gave in. The tears finally broke through, the grief was final, the fate certain. Gazing at her mehndi adorned hands, she wondered who to blame...Was it the person who fired that gun when he could barely stand on his feet ..... was it Nitin himself for coming in the way of that shot which was not meant for him or perhaps it was that bullet which struck her love, tearing some flesh from his body and shredding their togetherness. "Mehndi ka rang jitna gehra ho rishta utna hi lamba hota hai"...as these lines came back to her she could not help but laugh a hysterical laugh at the smug slap that fate had landed on the face of traditions and hearsay.

Barasta bheegta mausam dhuan dhuan hoga
Pighalti shammon pe dil ka mere gumaan hoga
Hatheliyon ki hina yaad kuch dilaayegi

The good or perhaps bad thing about life is that it never ceases. Whatever happens, however one wishes but one wish that is never granted is for life to stop. It is always there and you have to live it. The question remained for Garima...how to live it? The answer for once was not difficult, rather it stared her in the eye...ever so bright even in the darkness of that gloomy night. Maybe it was the shimmering moonlight or Nitin's conviction which shone so brightly. What better way to live than to strive for Nitin's dream. Yes, she would build the orphanage and fulfill his most cherished wish. She would walk the path he had chosen and bring the road to it's destination. And perhaps it would help her to live.

Ye chand beete zamaanon ka aaina hoga
Bhatakte abr mein chehra koi bana hoga
Udaas raah koi daastaan sunayegi

3 years later...

The darkness of that night has somewhat receded now. Her life is now the children who live in the orphanage. Spending time with those children of misfortune, she has learnt how to live with her fate. Life is a wonderful thing nonetheless, inspite of all it's shortcomings and uncertainties...the smile on their faces and their eternal struggle to find happiness in every difficulty makes her proud. It's not that she has forgotten Nitin or the cruelty of fate...she often remembers it even now and always it still brings a moistness in the corners. Running around and playing with the children, sometimes inadvertently when her glance falls on the pathway...there still rises a momentary hope that Nitin may walk through the door, that the hand of fate may just have been a joke. These reveries are soon broken though, what with everyone pulling her from all sides and filling her ears with a cacophony of laughter.

Gali ke mod pe soona sa koi darwaza
Tarasti aankhon se rasta kisi ka dekhega
Nigaah door talak jaake laut aayegi


September 6, 2009

Why I Love Anonymous Readers?


It is no hidden fact that how much i love anonymous readers on my blog. Ever since i started this ranting space, i have been really lucky to have a pretty decent readership and each of them have been special in their own ways. But it's the anonymous readers which always catches my fascination, makes me stop and think a little bit more. Feed burner statistics on my blog shows that
currently I have around 38 readers who follows me privately.There are a few who have blog-rolled me or follow through e-mail subscription also, but what interests me most here is this high number of anonymous readers. I find it really surprising that they keep on reading me always like this and still provide their valuable feedback.I find such kind of readers extremely honest, blunt and heart wrenching in their responses about my writings. I have never asked any of them why they so want to be anonymous over such a long time, after all its their space how they want to approach me on a public platform. In fact, once upon a time, i was so impressed by an anonymous reader that i decided to award her here .

But you must be wondering, why the hell i am telling you all these stories? Well it goes like this, during this weekend, an anonymous reader was there on my blog (Let's not disclose her location as it was evident to me from the IP tracker). She was a first time visitor in this space, and was continuously present on the blog over the weekend. I ignored it initially, till i got a mail in my inbox this Sunday evening, which she sent using the contact form on the blog (obviously quoted from a fake e-mail address). She wrote that she has spent her entire weekend reading each and every post on this blog. She was deeply touched and could relate to a lot of things i have written in various posts with her life and relationships she have been involved. Along with the email, she wrote a beautiful poem, which i am publishing here with her due permission. Have a look......

On one dull cloudy Saturday morning,
I woke up with a mood of mourning.
Chores,Breakfast,Coffee on my table,
Turned on the Tv, blank screen, no cable.
The concept of love, it gets so old
The same old story, my feet felt cold
Bugged of the gloomy weather outside,
I turned my laptop on by the side
My Horoscope said, expect a surprise,
I smiled in assurance, its nothing but lies
Google, my best friend, helps me understand
I type out my concern, and "enter" is the magic wand
I typed, was love never new?
My first result said, love is always new.
In disgrace, I hit on the link,
And all the rest is in my heart with permanent ink.
Now I wake up every morning, ecstatic,
Because I look forward to reading the Hopeless Romantic!

PS: I still don't really know how to react to all this, i am happy, shocked and surprised at the same time. It makes me feel proud and humble at the same time. It makes me feel touched and a bit emotional. I am not sure how to handle all this love. Oh ya, Hopeless Romantic finding it tough to handle love, Can you beat that? :D

September 5, 2009

The Coffee Conversations....


He:
You, stupid!
She: You, double stupid!
He: You, triple stupid!
She: You ,stupid to the power of infinity!
He: Ok, stop! Let's not fight!
She: Ya, better, you loose!
He: I don't want to fight, where is the question of loosing here?
She: Whatever!
He: Whatever to you too!
She: Whatever back to you!'
He: Whatever back at you to the power of infinity!
She: ok, stop! Lets not fight!
He: Ya, better, you loose!
She: Oh ya, you looser!
He: Why, we fight so much?
She: Because we like each other so much.
He: Sounds an absolute ridiculous thought to me.
She: what the hell, Are all men born dogs like you?
He: No, not at all, atleast not till they meet bitches like you!
She: What do you mean, i made you a dog!
He: No, Only a bitch can make a dog complete. So, you make me complete, honey!
She: (blushing) ya sure Mr. Tommy!
He: Always, Miss Bow-wow!
She: You know what, i truly hate you at times when you behave like this.
He: I know that.
She: And you still, does it, each and every time!
He: I know that.
She: Oh Mr. Know all, say something else!
He: Hmmmm
She: What Hmmm!
He: Hmmmm, I see!
She: What you see?
He: What you can't see!
She: (Confused) Ok, what i can't see?
He: Something you should see.
She: (More confused) And what should i see?
He: Something you don't want to see but is always seeing!
She: What nonsense, cut the crap, ok!
He: I am talking crap, fine, you would not hear me saying anything again.
She: Why, are you committing suicide today, i can't be that lucky!
He: No, i am committing murder today of a bitch!
She: Oh ya, i can also kill, my nails are long enough ok!
He: Stupid, You can't kill with nails!
She: They are enough to kill a dog like you!
He: And will you be spared then, you are going to get fucked!
She: Oh ya sure, which position you want to fuck!
He: (embarrassed) wtf, i don't want to fuck a bitch like you, i don't my willy to get dirty!
She: Oh, do you have one?
He: Ya, you want to see, right now!
She: Shut up, ok, enough of your sleazy talk!
He: Who started it, by asking "which position" ?
She: Ok, fine! I started it, now i am ending it, Period.
He: Should we make a move, our coffee is done a long time back, i don't want them to throw you!
She: They would throw you first.
He: Why me, we both came together here.
She: Ya, but they can't touch me just like that, so you have to bear the brunt!
He: Oh ya, sure! You girls always play safe, we have to face all consequences, damn!
She: Oh hello, Mr. bear-all, girls bear a lot of pain!
He: Oh really, like what?
She: Like anything, (pauses) from waxing skin to delivering babies to monthly pain.
He: Big deal, and you always take advantage of it.
She: You males have pea-sized brain cells situated in two cookies, not our fault.
He: Oh ya, and you females big time shammers, faking your assets all the time.
She: Mine is not fake, alright.
He: But you make them more faker na.
She: (with shyness) Well sometimes, we do.
He: See, fake kisses, fake breasts, fake i don't know what else.
She: Oh ya, if we are that fake, why you keep coming back to us?
He: We don't come. You always found us from somewhere, bitch!
She: Oh ya sure, in your dreams, looser!
He: Oh yes, not your problem. I am just so bloody good looking.
She: Come to my home sometime, i will show you the mirror.
He: No, thanks, I have one at home, you need it more!
She: Go to hell!
He: you too, bye!
She: Bye!

PS: I have this really weird habit of watching people and making observations about them, and on the pretext of sounding a bit pompous, i must tell you i have been correct most of the time. To go along with it, to boost my writer's ego, i at times build conversations by just hearing a few words of a sentence. This was just one of those conversations i heard over the week, sitting in a coffee shop in Queen Street here in Brisbane, reading a book and listening overheard with a girl talking with a friend/boy-friend.I found it so amusingly witty, i just cooked up the remaining unheard bits. Enjoy this one...


September 2, 2009

Bollywood in 1970's : A Series of Classics !


Alright, this is the third part in the Bollywood series covering my favourite movies from 1970's, having already written in the first part (1950's) and in the second part (1960's). Here is the latest one...

(1) Pakeezah (1972)

Kamal Amrohi’s ’Pakeezah’ acquired a legendary status soon after its heroine, the ‘Tragedy Queen’ Meena Kumari passed away. The film has a larger than life feel and is grand in appearance. The story of a courtesan played by Meena Kumari in arguably her best role ever, ‘Pakeezah’ was made by her husband Amrohi and took a long time to make. The film showcases the elegant past of the privileged class of Uttar Pradesh; their refined culture and grandeur yet at the same time their hypocrisy and decadence of the bourgeois society. Ashok Kumar and Raj ‘Jaani’ Kumar play the suitors of Meena Kumari who has a double role in the film as mother and daughter. The incredibly lyrical songs or mujras in the film are breathtaking be it "Chalthe Chalthe","Thade rahiyo O Banke Yaar","Inhi Logon ne" and "Chalo Dildaar chalo", rendered music by legendary Ghulam Mohammad,who incidentally
died by the time the film neared release. Hence, Naushad was brought in to complete the background score. The costumes and sets are gorgeous. As the film took 14 long years to make due to the differences between the husband –wife team of Meena Kumari and Kamal Amrohi, Meena looks young and fresh in some scenes and in some painfully haggard and sad.Meena Kumari was very ill when filming resumed and can be seen lying down in most of her scenes. For the dance sequences, Padma Khanna was used as a body double and can be seen in the long-shots. But Meena Kumari covers it all up with her stunning histrionics and dialogue delivery. A breathtaking watch !

(2) Bobby (1973)

It was inspired by chapter 1 of the movie 'Mera Naam Joker',
Raj kapoor's most ambitious venture (involving Rishi Kapoor as a child artist and Simi Garewal). But in the aftermath of disastrous box office results of this movie, a situation came where Raj Kapoor was even thinking of selling family owned R.K.Studios to pay off the debt money, which was utilized in making this movie. But then, in a swing of fortune, he decided to make 'Bobby' and as they say, rest is history. This was the launch vehicle of Raj Kapoor’s son Rishi Kapoor and a 14 year old girl who became a teen-sensation- Dimple Kapadia. One of the sweetest love stories in Hindi cinema, ‘Bobby’ is about a school going girl who falls in love with a lonely, rich young boy. It’s the rich-poor formula but the freshness of the lead pair was the clincher for ‘Bobby’. Dimple Kapadia with her short dresses and knotted teeny weeny tops became the darling of the nation. The screen chemistry of the hero and heroine was so amazing that when Dimple made a comeback in 'Sagaar' more than a decade after ‘Bobby’, Rishi Kapoor was signed opposite her. The music of the film was a smash hit with songs like ‘Hum tum ik kamre mein band ho’,'Mein shayar to nahin','Mujhe kuch kehna hain','Na maangon sona chandi' and ‘Jhooth bole kauwva kaate’ becoming anthems for the youth. Narendra Chanchal debuted as a singer in the song ' Beshaq Mandir Masjid todo' and became a rage with his unique voice at that time. The movie became so popular that many children born in that year or a year later were named as 'Bobby'. Such was the hype of the movie, that the bike Rajdoot GTS175 (which was used by the couple in the movie) was relaunched as the nick name 'Bobby'. This movie was a trend setter in a sense, as numerous flicks followed after this with teenage romance and clash of rich-vs-poor as backdrop in the following years.

(3) Sholay (1975)


It’s a tad difficult to fit ‘Sholay’ into a single paragraph. Arguably the most complete and entertaining film of all times in Hindi Cinema, the film boasts of some of the biggest stars of its era-Amitabh Bachchan, Sanjeev Kumar, Dharmendra, Hema Malini, Jaya Bhaduri. It also made a star out of a character called Gabbar Singh -the most imitated character of Hindi cinema. The legendary Gabbar’s dialogues are now folk-lore "
Kitne Aadmi The”, “Arre O Samba”, "Kitna inaam rakhee hain sarkar hum par”, ”Bahut yaarana lagta hai”,"Yeh haath mujhe de de Thakur,"Suaar ke bacchon" or,"Pachas pachas kos door gaon mein jab bachcha raat ko rota hai to maa kahti hai beta soja ..soja nahin to Gabbar Singh aa jaayega" :D They were peppered with his quirky vicious laughter showing his tobacco-stained teeth or the trademark ferocity. Amjad Khan as Gabbar Singh is a true blue cult-figure. Each and every character of Sholay is a part of the cinematic folklore, be it Asrani as Jailor, Keshtu mukherjee as the Jailor's Informer, Jagdeep as Surma Bhopali or even the ghodi Dhanno . But apart from all this, the other most popular characters are Hindi cinema’s best-known buddies, Jai- Veeru and Veeru’s blabbermouth love interest, Basanti. The two friends singing ‘ Yeh dosti hum nahin chhodenge makes the most enduring image of screen friendship. Hema Malini as the chatterbox Basanti was a laugh riot all the way. The three share some of the most memorable scenes in the film, be it 'the Tanki Scene', 'The shooting practice scene' or 'The temple scene'. Directed by Ramesh Sippy, the movie was shot in the rocky terrain of Ramnagar, an acutal village in Karnataka. Ironically, for the first 6 weeks, this movie was a box office dud, till it picked up from word-to-mouth publicity and never looked back after that, as it became one of the highest grossing film of all time in Hindi Cinema. Such was the phenomenon of this movie, that 13 years later in 1986, when it was first shown on government run- Doordharshan TV channel, Streets were literally empty during the movie run. It was the first Hindi film whose audio cassettes were released with the movie dialogues. Sholay is a classic to be watched again and again !!

(4) Deewaar (1975)

Yash Chopra’s ‘Deewaar’ is a classic example of a perfect Indian melodrama of the 70s –two brothers raised by a long suffering mother. One turns out to be good and the other gets strayed into the big bad world of crime. Amitabh, who had already made a mark with ‘Zanjeer’ as the ‘angry young man’ but it was ‘Deewaar’ which catapulted his image emerging as a force to reckon with. The potent dialogues written by the hit duo of Salim-Javed left a huge impact on the audiences receiving whistles and claps by the front-benchers. Who hasn’t heard the most famous dialogue of the movie... Aaj mere paas bangla hai, gaadi hai, bank balance hai. Tumhare paas kya hai? Mere paas ... Maaa Hai ”! Not just this, some of the one liners has become absolutely immortal, "Aaj Khush to bahut hoge tum"," Mein aaj bhi Phenke hue paise nahin leta" or " Mera baap chor hain". Amitabh Bachchan and Shashi Kapoor play brothers and Nirupa Roy their mother. In the climax when Amitabh is shot by his own brother to drive home the good-over-bad philosophy, he staggers into a temple where he dies in the arms of his mother. It was one of the most powerful scenes in the film. The character of Anita, player by Parvin Babi was a liberated working girl, smoking, drinking and sleeping with her lover, defying every Hindi film heroine set trends till that point.No wonder, so many B grade movie with the titular role of heroine as Anita followed, in a raunchy and sexy avataar.Though the entire cast also including Satyen Kappu and Neetu Singh did a good job, but the film belonged to Amitabh Bachchan who made ‘Deewaar’ a fare to remember with his powerhouse performance.


(5) Chupke Chupke (1975)

Arguably one of the most cleanest and fun filled comedies to come out ever in Bollywood, Chupke Chupke is considered to be among the best works of the director, Hrishikesh Mukherjee. It showed the Sholay duo of Amitabh Bachhan and Dharmendra in dramatically opposite roles, as that of two professors- a Ghaas Phoos (botany) professor and an English professor respectively.Their comic timing and the pauses were signs of extraordinary actors.Even though all the performances in the film were commendable and outstanding, the film stood out most because of the liveliness in Om Prakash's chracter. The subtle naunaces which he brought to the table; right from being an arrogant senior member of the family, to an angry jijaji to Sharmila Tagore, to the subdued looser at the end of the film, all of them were an absolute delight to watch.His introductory scene with Dharmendra, where they converse in shudh hindi is a laugh riot.The movie has a number of memorable songs by the duo of music director S.D. Burman and lyricist Anand Baakshi such as "Chupke Chupke", "Sa Re Ga Ma", "Abke Sajan Sawan Mein". A remake of a Bengali Film, 'Chhadmabeshi', its a fun filled laughter riot trying to resolve mishaps all through the flick. A must watch!

(6) Kabhie Kabhie (1976)

This romance saga over two generations, was initially originated from a poem (by the same title) written by the lyricist, Sahir Ludhianavi. The deadly duo of 'Deewar' - Shashi Kapoor and Amitabh Bacchaan was truly in form in this mushy musical drama on celluloid, end result - fireworks all over. The climax scene between the two lead actors, where they discuss their past relationships is a result of the sheer brilliance by the director, Yash Chopra. Shot entirely in Kashmir, this film had some of the best romantic songs ever compiled in a single album: "Kabhie Kabhie mere dil mein","Mein ek pal ka shayar hoon","Mere ghar aayi ek nanhi pari","Tere chehre se nazar nahin hathi","Pyar kar liya to kya" and "Tere phooolon jaisa rang". Its a sad story about two young and lovable hearts visualizing perfect life together while destiny has made different plans for them. Its a story about the journey of a girl (played by Neetu singh) to find the hidden truth of his life even at the cost of his current love. Its a story about how a poet looses its inspiration for a lifetime, only to realize its repercussions 20 years later. Kabhie Kabhie was an art film in the commercial grab, it was truly a film which you come across 'sometimes'. For all the hard core romantic watchers - this is a must watch!

(7) Don (1978)

Basically an underworld movie, it has gained cult status over the years in Indian cinema. Directed by Chandra Barot, Amitabh bacchaan starred in the title role as the DON. . A script originally written by Salim-Javed, it was rejected by almost all the top directors at that time, before it finally saw light.
Interestingly, the film was started in helping the producer/cinematographer of the movie, Nariman Irani out of 12 lakh rupees debt but he died during the shooting of the movie. A new version of Indian film heroine, played by Zeenat Aman, doing Judo and karate was introduced to the audience, a true seeti-maar moment on celluloid. Music by Kalyanji Anandji and lyrics by Anjaan, it produced some of the evergreen songs on the big screen, be it " Yeh Mera Dil pyaar ka deewana", " Khai ke paan banaras wala"," Yeh hain bambai Nagaria",'Jiska mujhe tha Intezaar" or " Are deewano, mujhe pechaano". A sample from the song "Ye Mera Dil Yaar Ka Diwana" was also used by the Black Eyed Peas for their hit 2005 song "Don't Phunk with My Heart".The song won the Black Eyed Peas their first Grammy Award for Best Rap Performance by a Duo or Group, while the original composers (Kalyanji-Anandji) for their song,were awarded the BMI Award for being the originators of the melodies used in this new song.It will be interesting to watch what Farhan Akthar offers in the sequel of his own remake of this movie, currently titled as Don- the chase continues and slated to release sometime in late 2010. I sincerely hope he doesn't make another disaster as the remake of Don, which was released in 2007 :D

PS: Though i have included only seven movies here in this list, there are few movies worth mentioning which released during this decade:

Anand (1970) - arguably Rajesh Khanna's best role ever!

Purab Aur Paschim (1970) - Manoj Kumar at its patriotic best!

Zanjeer (1973) - The start of a phenomenon: 'The Angry Young Men' in AB!

Amar Akbar Anthony (1977) - The biggest lost and found formula film in Bollywood!

Trishul (1978) - One of the best roles of Sanjeev Kumar!


Jai Santoshi Maa (1975) - The biggest religious movie ever made in India; Mom once told me people used to go without footwear while watching this movie. There were stands put outside the cinema halls to accommodate all shoes, chappals and sandals, such was the pious devotion of people watching it :D

Let me know your favourites among these or any other movies released during 1970-1979. Next post in this series will be on movies from 1980-1989. Till then, happy movie watching, cheers!

Sources:

www.indiatimes.com,
www.indiafm.com,
www.apunkachoice.com,
www.wikipedia.com,
www.rediff.com