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December 30, 2010

Movies which have stayed with me - 3


2010 has been a really interesting year in Bollywood films. Most of the big budget and star studded movies have done miserably at the box office (and deservingly so!) and a few that made big bucks have NOT really been appreciated uniformly by the audience (My Name is Khan, Dabaang, Housefull and Golmaal 3 to name a few). However, there are some small budgeted flicks which i immensely enjoyed and can safely say they will remain with me in future. Here is the third list in the series... (Click here for the first and second list)

1. Love, Sex aur Dhokha

Directed by fearless Dibaakar Banerjee, it is a social satire on the impact of media on our lives. Threaded by three inter-related yet stand alone tales of Honour killing, MMS scandals and sting operations; each of them portrays emotions of love, sex and betrayal. The film is bold, but not beautiful...It is provocative, but highly disturbing. The sheer fact that it employs an entirely alien technology (as far as Indian movies are concerned) of hand-held or spy cameras to shoot an entire movie in itself brings a novelty in the execution of the script. But the brilliance of the movie lies in it's flesh and blood characters which you can so easily relate from your daily life, yet you shrug yourself when it comes to identify with them because they are in-your-face and spunky characters. One of the best written roles is a DDLJ fanatic, Aditya chopra inspired student filmmaker... who in his innocent love life never realises what a mess he has created for himself. However, my favourite character is an Indi-pop singer called as Loki Local whose fame to glory is an erotic song "Tu Nangi acchi lagthi hain" (later dubbed as Tu Gandi acchi lagthi hain). He is hideous, witty and at the same time you feel like hitting him, every time he comes on screen. But out of the three, the second story about a female employee who works night shift in a supermarket store is most polarising - you will hate it or you will love it, but i bet you can't really ignore it.The most brutal and honest scene comes when the girl is accused of being wheatish while throwing cold water on the plans of other male employee who have genuine feelings for her, but wants to sleep with her to make a quick buck....justifying the obsessiveness possessed by our society about fair skinned people being superior. It is one of the most daring and innovative script i have come across in this new age Indian cinema. 3 cheers to LSD for ushering a new dawn.

2. Udaan

without any doubt... for me, Udaan is best film of the year. A movie devoid of all the Bollywood film cliches and stereotypes, it's a coming of an age story of a 17 year old who has been thrown out of school, pushed into an engineering college without his wish and have to dealt with a rowdy father and a relatively unknown step-brother. Quite often in Bollywood films, heart is at the right place but gets horribly wrong in the execution. This movie was an exception, and what a sheer pleasurable exception it was. It is packed with so many "oh-i-have-done-that" and "oh-i-felt-like-that" moments that by the time it finishes, you are deeply affected by the sincerity and simplicity with which the emotions have been portrayed. At 140 minutes, it is a tad long but that is because it takes its own sweet little time in making you feel the claustrophobic conditions the main protagonist suffers, in turn hitting you in the gut and making your heart goes all out to him. My favourite scene in the movie is the one in which Rohan finally confronts his dad on why it is so important for him to become a writer and not an engineer. A word for Ram Kapoor and Ronit Roy, who stepped away from their typical TV stereotyped images to deliver excellent performances. And yes, not to forget the immensely enjoyable music by Amit Trivedi which actually acts as a soothing balm to the palpable irritation Rohan's character is put through. All in all, it's a movie everyone can relate to and for once, gives us an uncompromisable cinematic experience.

3. Peepli Live

A satire about the plight of farmers suicides in India, it tells a serious story with lot of heart and depth. Keeping a lighter tone, it never slips into diatribe tone, thus keeping the audience engrossed. Directed by TV journalist Anusha Rizvi, it takes potshots at every plausible personality in today's in-your-face TV. My most favourite character in the movie is the Hindi TV journalist Deepak who is never short of words when it comes to turning any non-sense thought into a sensational story. Watch out for the scene in which he instinctively put out a story based on excreta dawn on paddy fields, after Natha goes missing in mysterious circumstances. But the most well scripted scene is the one in which the so called superior English TV Journalist (played by excellent Malaika Shenoy), condescending to the Hindi journalists in general...finally admits to a local village journalist; it is not about the issue on hand, it's always about who gets the story first on the TV. It's an unusual story told in the most easy way out approach. Two words for Omkar Das Manikpuri who endears such child-like innocence in the character of the main protagonist, you are left amused and bewildered at his plight. He barely speaks in the movie, but his eyes tell 100 emotions all the way.

4. Do Dooni Char

Set in Lajpat Nagar, Delhi..it is a story about a middle class couple with 2 young kids who are trying hard to make an upgrade from 2 to 4, so what if it is from a scooter to a car. It has grace, elegance and a tehraav between the lead characters, which is so lacking in the movies these days (thanks to dead-brain comedies shoved down our throat every other week). Just like 2009's Rocket Singh - Saleman of the year, Duggal family portrays the virtue of basic goodness in our lives..to choose the difficult over the easy, to choose the right over the wrong way. There are some genuinely well written scene which chuckles the chords of your heart. Watch out for 2 scenes during the Duggal family's journey on the way to Meerut for a relative's marriage - one in which by without saying any dialogues, Neetu Singh coaxes Rishi Kapoor to have stuffed paranthas rather than simple ones and another one in which Neetu singh deliberately throws a tantrum seeing how the daughter-father duo keep fighting over which song to play in the car. There are some short comings - an irritating voice over by Duggal's daughter and a jarring background score...but even after these, it still remains highly watchable due to sheer pleasurable chemistry between the lead pair. It contains those small gestures out of Delhi daily life which I have been missing in movies for quite some time.

December 20, 2010

I expect nothing, I fear nothing, I am free.


Expectations from someone are just not few materialistic or emotional things you want from a person, they are also what you hope to give back to that very person sometime in the future -hopefully, if you are courteous enough. Expectations may form boundaries between people, it may also destroy those very foundations. However, expectations are the first step towards resentment in any relationship. Ironically, expectations are alway there from people; from sports personality to favourite writers, from movie actors to favourite bloggers, from parents to favourite friends. You cannot really escape from them, you cannot hide from them because ultimately one day they are going to hunt you down, trace you down from those loony caves... and will start hounding you like incredible creepy waves of nostalgia.

Expectations can be seen as either an enemy or a captor; as a public resource - tugged and twisted by the billboards of relationships or completely sottish as barflies, clinging on to a mundane life till you start feeling suffocated, drained, hollow from inside. At face value, expectations look all so laughably predictable, but after all the agonising pontificating thoughts, the doubts to meet them lingers on, inch by inch, column by column. Expectations to a relationship are the biggest puppets for pounding, they at the same time are the biggest assets to build it. Expectations make you drown adoringly into the eyes of a person as if the world has retreated beyond concern, yet they play the admonishingly self-righteous tune, just like all-knowing pompous pumpkins of the past.

Expectations from people can be chaotic and poorly choreographed as a Bollywood musical, yet they can soothe the fleeting line of questioning in tiny spaces of our brains so easily, it makes every gingerly made dance step of life an adventure in itself. Expectations make us prod, poke, peer, peek during the vicissitudes of this life journey; yet they may all fall hook, line and sinker in that ONE crucial moment of togetherness and wishfulness. Expectations are not instinctual "obligations" to perform in favour of your innate feelings, nor they are intense chemical reactions of your sexual hormones to cater to intimate cravings. They, in all fairness just dithers as a temporary need for solitude, they are just glamourised and labelled as a necessity for temporal happiness.

Expectations don't buckle you down in tense situations; they are like cheque-book-chasing-lawyers, always ready to defend the indefensible, always ready to give you a ray of a hope in an utterly hopeless situation. Expectations can be a fairy tale existence of love and harmony as portrayed in various facets of social communication circus we live in these days, yet they can be half evolved but still entailing all the benefits of a single focussed mind willing to stand up, and take on the world. I may be wrong, and usually am, but in my opinion expectations are the biggest garbage under the carpet of human emotions which we have always found difficult to shovel out to lead a happy, fearless and content life.

November 11, 2010

Movies that I love to hate - 1


There are always certain movies which become super hit, do tremendously well at box office and collect a few awards as well...but you never tend to figure out what the fuss was all about this movie? This is the first list containing some of the super hit movies which i hated first time while watching and continue to do so...

1) Raja Hindustani (1996)

First thing first, it was such a shameless uncredited copy of a sweet heart-felt innocent 1965 flick - Jab Jab Phool Khile starring Shashi Kapoor and Nanda. Leave that apart, i never understood what was so special about the storyline - a rich girl falls for a poor taxi driver and her family opposes it in various capacities...to predictably all hunky dory in the end. Is there any other more predictable storyline you have ever heard in Bollywood, it was like watching a movie some 20 years too late. Moreover, the characters came out to be so superficial - take the evil stepped mom in Archana puran singh, the helpless dad in Suresh Oberoi, the wicked brother in law and so on. On top of that, everyone in the movie just keep shouting at the top of their lungs. They shout in emotional scenes, they shout in comedy scenes, they shout in romantic scenes...I was like, dude what the hell is happening...i need cotton plugs!! yes, the music was outstanding, the performances were credible...but for me it has always remain a movie which got more than it actually deserved.

2) Gadar - Ek prem katha (2001)

I had the chance of watching the trailer of Yamla pagla deewana recently and i must say, the one liner right at the end in it is an absolute killer. Its been more than 9 years since this movie released, but i constantly crib and criticized that poorly written scene where Sunny Deol bashes the whole pakistan army with a hand pump and then somehow manges to run through the whole Lahore in a burnt truck...and wait not alone, with his wife, son and friend. I mean, come on....there must be some limit to creative liberties you can take in cinema before it start reaching such preposterous levels. The movie was such an inexcusable excuse of patriotic jingoism thrown at the viewers, you just laugh off at the intentions to manipulate your emotions. However good the music is, it is no fun when the lovers break into a song every now and then, specially that inopportune song - hum juda ho gaye, which comes immediately after Amrish Puri forces the couple to stay in Pakistan. The climax is too long and by the time lovers meet, you want to kill them. What remains etched in your memory are some confrontation scenes of Sunny Deol and efficiently executed partition scenes in the beginning of the movie. Otherwise, it was such a waste of time.

3) Don...the chase begins (2006)

Firstly, i am not a great believer of remaking classics...they should be left just like that. However, once you have decided to remake Don...do anything, but please don't make a Con of the audience. Leave apart the logical loopholes which Farhan Akthar tried to induce in his "own interpretation" of the script, the basic distinction between the two SRK's character was missing sorely. The most untranslatable character on screen for me was of Arjun Rampal who was once shown as an engineer breaking codes and then later, like a pro breaking into villain's den passing through the KL's famous sky- scrapper's which to me at least is not funny nor heroic to say the least. Here are some more - a) SRK, the Don, arrives in India for a major drug deal, but why isn't he arrested by Boman Irani and his team of cops when he must've presumably boarded an aircraft from KL? b) Boman Irani is a junior police office in the movie, but then what the hell is Om Puri (more senior to him) doing in this film? c) where in the end Arjun and his son vanish? where they actually go? It seemed the director just forgot his characters by the time he came to copy from the original script. I can go on, but i am sure you got the drift why i hated the movie.

4) Housefull (2010)

I still remember those 2 hours of 20 May, 2010...7:15 to 9:15pm, where under the pressure of numerous exams and assignments of MBA; i decided to de stress, have some fun and consequently, decided to watch this movie. You know, i have never been a great fan of these 'leave your brains behind" kind of comedies but still if it makes me smile and forget my other daily worries, i can forgive them. But what the hell was this man... i still want those 2 hours of my life back, like seriously. I wish i can sue and ask for damages of wasting the precious 2 hours which i spent on this movie right in the middle of exams. We have become such an entertainment starved movie goers that such crap gets a bumper opening and do well for at least one whole week. On top of that, we have the asshole directors like Sajid Khan who keep showing off in the interviews as if he has made the most enjoyable movie ever. Random events, lies, misunderstandings keeps on happening through out the movie..and when they run out of ideas, they stand in line and slap each other. The climax scene of using laughing gas on all actors thereby trying to create humour actually brought tears of embarrassment into my eyes. And let's not even go into plagiarized scenes from Hangover (that tiger scene), Mr. Bean TV series (that vacuum cleaner scene), Meet the parents (Arjun's character of an officer) and Night at the museum (the night scene between all the leads). We make such movies hit, and then we complain...there are not many good movies in the cinema halls...What irony!!

PS: You have seen any movies that made you cringe in embarrassment, squirm in your seats, you kept looking at your watch and you thought this is one of the worse movies you have ever seen...but Voila, it becomes a super duper hit...Share them around...Otherwise enjoy movie watching, cheers!

November 2, 2010

Is Love still always new?


Is love new when she send 'energy packs' ONLY to you while playing mafia wars on Facebook? Is love new when you always delete her scraps on orkut so that no one can see your beautiful conversations?
Is love new when you start going invisible on Gtalk just to give full attention while talking to her? Is love new when you start putting mushy songs as your tweets? Is love new when you don't post a write up on blog till he/she reads it offline? Is love new when you wake up in the night with dead eyes so that she can see you just like that on Skype?

Is love new when you lounge to get a SMS on your mobile so that it just turns into a Special Moment Shared with her? Is love new when you start liking the ultra irritating Dolly Bindra in Big Boss only because she is mad enough to see it every time it comes on TV?
Is love new when you start putting his/her pic as the wallpaper on your desktop than your favourite movie star? Is love new when you walk in the mall carrying shopping bags on Diwali because that's her definition of spending 'quality time' together? Is love new like a blushing rose and a sweet wine or is it when you have to pay for both? Is love new when even holding of hands gives you the orgasmic feeling or is it when even the tickling of waistline becomes the most dullard act?

Is love new when you decide to learn kite flying so that you can teach her the same on upcoming Basant Panchmi? Is love new when you decide to learn pasta from the cookery book just to impress him with the culinary skills? Is love new when you decide to cut down on your coffee and still lie just because you love getting scolded by her? Is love new when in the night you feel her soft hands ruffling your hairs to just say a good night? Is love new when you start getting more anxious thinking the time when she will be experiencing PMS?
Is love new when she fasts for the success in the job interview you so desperately want to clear?

PS: Leave the post apart for a moment, after penning down an identical write-up last time...I started writing a book in an effort to understand love and women better. I can very well assure you, it has left me even more confused than ever before... My mistake entirely as I chose the wrong topic to write in the first place. Nevertheless, it did made me fascinated with this particular phrase so much, that it was very well expected when it will come to put a title to the book....it will exactly be this - Love is always new..... what you think of it?

October 26, 2010

Ghar aaya yeh pardesi.....

Time flies, it feels like just yesterday i was sitting with my bags packed to start MBA journey to Brisbane and here again... i am all set to go back. Nostalgia is gradually setting in regarding small nuggets of life here in Australia - those frustrations of living alone, those anxious moments of exams, those Gold Coast trips to the beaches, those AFL and cricket matches at the Gabba, those BBQ parties with friends...there is so much more to explore and so little time left in the end.

However, it's only when you start living away, you realise the real value of small things you inadvertently take granted in life. This time around, I wanna relive the Delhi i grow up watching - the rides in Lutyens Delhi, drive for the aloo paranthas to Murthal, paneer kulchas@Moolchand, lasagne@Big Chills,falluda kulfi@Def-Col, 20rs thali@kakke da dhabba, Aloo ki tikki@Parnthe wal Galii; play the luddo games @Costa, CP; Hukkah@mochas, GK; window shopping in GIP, Noida; the innumerable rounds of Central Park; the divine feel of Bangla Sahib; the calmness of Cathedral church; the silence of Lotus Temple.....phew!!! post-CWG DELHI still has lots to offer :) :)

And yes, always remember...from the rides of City CAT in Brisbane to the Metro rides in Delhi; from Tuesday's cheap Domino pizzas in Brisbane to Thursday's Pino pasta in Delhi; from burning midnight oil for studies in Brisbane to party neon lights of Annabelle's in Delhi; from the rustic shorts in Brisbane to the glittery Sherwani in Delhi...among all these lanes of love and life; there exists an ever internal, the majestic, the incorrigible, the one and only - you know who :D

October 23, 2010

End of the MBA era....

Scrap that!! Rework that!! Include that!! Create that!! Delete that !! Let's do that!! Let's not get into that !! Elaborate on that!! That's good!! That's shit!! That's look good!! That sounds excellent !!That's just waffle!! Link that to that!! Summarise that!! Check that!! Reference that!!... End of the MBA era !!

Yeeesssssssssss, i completed my MBA earlier this week with last set of the scheduled exams. I also had a small graduation ceremony last night as i will not be able to attend the main degree distribution ceremony in December later this year.It's been a long, arduous, interesting and eventful journey. Getting back to studies after working for close to 4 years was challenging to begin with, but slowly it just seeped into the system and became the norm.Ironically, the most important thing i will take away from MBA is not the business concepts or tools you are exposed but two things - people and time management.

Last 16 months have been the time where incidentally, i was always short of time. Almost every day used to start with a set of goals and a priority list including work assignments, preparation of lectures, social and professional networking, blogging and writing. Add to that, unlike Indian B schools there is no concept of hostels here... so you end up doing all the domestic chores yourself including cooking, shopping, laundry etc. Add to that talking to publishers, planning for the marketing, going through the contracts - everything just soaks up your time and energy. And lastly, add to that an internal world created inside you of a book and well... you might just get the ACTUAL drift. But when i now look back now, all has turned out to be fine... and surely going to be well worth it in the coming months.

MBA also makes you learn about how to manage people - their mood swings, their eccentricities, their punctured or self-inflated egos, their passions and preferences of work, their personal and professional commitments and not to forget the strong social network you generally form up with them in the mean time. It is a wonderful opportunity to soak in different cultures and customs, different rituals and religions, all in one place. Having said that, i truly believe there are two kind of people who just do NOT belong the the B school - the dull ones who don't have anything better to do, so end up doing this 'coveted' degree or the (too) talented ones who are just in too much hurry to spend time studying properly. But then nothing in life is perfect, and at times you got to make the required adjustments and just go through the motions to take everything towards a logical end.

Lastly, every time we achieve something...we ask questions to ourselves and it is generally the answer that come out of that, satisfy and eventually make us happy. I don't know whether i got any suitable answers out of the MBA, but surely i have got the knack of now asking the right questions. And that's why sometimes in life, what you achieve is not important...what you do with that achievement is what matters the most in the end.....Cheers!!!

October 13, 2010

The Good-bye Conversations...


She: So...all set to leave.
He: You doubt?
She: As if you will stay back if i say something...
He: Ya, i won't
She: But its going to be too long... 18 months.
He: Good for me.
She: You, you, you...i hate you.
He: I wish feeling was mutual.
She: (giggling) Tum na bade woh ho...
He: Now who the hell is 'woh'?
She: Oh, ho....you are too much.
He: but i love you very much.
She: liar....
He: ya, right.
She: Ok, listen...
He: Yes.
She: nothing.
He: OK.
She: Ok, listen na...
He: What else you think i am doing...
She: Hmm....Are you going to miss me?
He: Not really.
She: How rude is that!!
He: Is it?
She: But i am going to miss you.
He: That's really scaring to hear.
She: Fine.
He: OK, i am going to miss you...my brownie.
She: Get lost.
He: Really, i will... my Strawberry topping.
She: Ya, right.
He: Saachi, i will.. my Chocolate dropping.
She: Ok stop now, enough of your nautanki.
He: As you say.
She: (thinking) Don't you dare look at those firangi girls.
He: OK
She: What ok?
He: I will look at them without daring.
She: I am going to come there and kill you.
He: That's going to be quite expensive.
She: No worries, you have to pay for it.
He: You think i am mad...I will pay for getting myself killed.
She: Yes, can't you do this for me?
He: Will you live without me.
She: Yes, you doubt?
He: As if you will kill me if i say something...
She: ok, i won't...you Take care.
He: I will
She: Stay in touch.
He: You too.
She: I am going to miss you.
He: Me too.
She: I love you.
He: (irritated) abe kya hain, jaane to de..let me go at least.
She: OK, fine go..
He: OK, i love you too.
She: Good for you.
He: Thank you, Good bye.
She: Good bye.

October 7, 2010

Movie Songs I can listen again and again - 1


I don't know about other people, but there are some songs which have just stuck with me. No matter how many times i hear them...i just never get bored. I can play them on loop for hours, sometimes even couple of days. Listening to them is like concerting on a journey repeatedly though every time there is a new destination. Sometimes it is the music or lyrics or the way they are shot in a movie..however, best songs are the one which scores in all these three parameters. Here is the first list of my favourite songs, with lots more to come....


Sung by Mohit chauhan, this song just grows on you as you keep hearing it again and again. It just makes you brood through its intensity, hollowing you from inside. I was a touch disappointed with the way it was used in the movie, could have been better in the movie than right at the beginning during the initial credits. I have not seen the movie..so if it is used again, pardon me. And goes without saying, Deepika looks stunning :D


Sheer genius of lyrics writing by Gulzaar, this song is right there at the top among my favourites. When i first heard this song years ago, i hated it...was absolutely gutted with it. It was a weird song in terms of the way it portrays romance. But then, when i saw the movie and in the context in which it was used... it just left me speechless. It has such serene sincerity attached to it that it makes you so nostalgic in the fast rush of everyday life. It is one of the best examples if you want to see the amalgamation of the fact how a song can be used to interact between the characters and express their feelings...something which i try and do at times in my stories when i am short of words or credible dialogues.


My grandfather used to tell me... there was a time when people in India never used to name their children as "Pran" who started his career doing numerous wicked negative characters in movies. That is till the time when he did his first positive role in this movie. It is fascinating to see how a simple song can change the career direction of an actor completely. The lyrics of the song is something which actually holds even today, they are just so bloody true. And hats off to late Manna day who sung this song and the numerous other patriotic songs in Manoj Kumar movies later on...RIP


Every time i talk about movies, there is no way i can leave out Pyaasa from any aspect of film making. But for a moment, forget the lyrics and Geeta Dutt singing.. just see the way it is used in the movie. It is one of the most erotic song in Hindi movies, trust me. I may sound old fashioned here, but there is too much "touching" of couples in songs these days.and here is a song where Waheeda rahman is willing to do every damn thing in the world for Guru Dutt. She wants to feel him, hold him, hug him...but can't because of the circumstances prevailing around....It still gives me goosebumps seeing the song even after so many years. Sadly, we have lost that innocence now in our relationships.

PS: Do you have any songs like this... Any of your favourite, close to heart type song. Share it around...Happy music listening! :)

September 8, 2010

Agony uncle, Treasure Isle Queries & a Tag !


Q1. I am a 22 year old newly married woman. My life completely changed on 1 April, 2010. No, i did not got married that day..but Zynga launched the game Treasure Isle on Facebook. My husband spend more time digging treasures in the game than digging me. Keeping the philanderer nature of my husband, i thought of confronting with another slut..but it is not even a woman, it is a bloody game. I want to soon consummate my marriage and get laid, please suggest a suitable solution.

A1: I would have love to come and help you personally ... but these days, i spend my free time in playing Treasure Isle. Sorry about that!! But as far as your husband is concerned, you need to be a little bold and proactive with him. As soon he try to make a move in playing the Island, open the depths of your valley. You can try and seduce him with a customised avataar wearing printed lingerie of bananas. This way, you may open a chance of getting hold of other kind of banana (along with nuts). You can also surf some porn websites and deliberately induce ad-ware and spyware on his laptop. The pop-up advertisements of half-naked dancing girls will distract him while playing TI and in turn, you can get a chance to be on top of him. Since you don't have any other work to do, you can always start an online campaign of Stop-TI-Save-Marriage on Face Book. Have fun...and please don't forget to ask him to add me as neighbour.


Q2. I am a 18 year old first year university student and a regular player of treasure isle. I can't even shit in the morning unless i send and receive fruits from my other friends. I can't concentrate on the lectures as i keep refreshing my page to see when my planted fruits will grow up. I am not worried about grades in this semester, but if i fail - my father may cut the internet connection at home and i can't play TI. Please help me, Uncle.

A2. Next time someone call me uncle... i am going to come and dig their ass first or better, i burn that bloody Zynga office who forces me to undergo this humiliation every day. (Deep breaths, in and out, 3 times) Look son, the simplest idea could be to bump off your father who is an imminent threat to you leveling up on TI. But given the horrendous ratio of Indian hit-men, they may end up destroying your internet connection, something on which you can't take any chances. I suggest you should get into a collaborative strategical mode and add all your teachers as neighbour on TI. They will pass you in the exams in the hope of getting energy pack from you everyday. Improve your concentration by playing TI continuously, and do well later on in exams. And please don't forget to send me relic items, i need to build my dragon boat soon in Treasure Isle.


Q3. I am a forty year old man trying to get naughty with my wife over the past few months. But she is a Treasure Isle addict and preaches me important lessons in morality and justice through the game. She keeps on reiterating how her character is dwindling between completely redeemable and utterly despicable fine line while finding the hidden treasures and how the ambiguous moral issues of where the hidden treasures lie drives her towards sainthood. If this doesn't stop soon, it may drive me towards suicide soon. Kindly help.

A3: She seems to be suffering from acute schizophrenia. You can file your complaint to the national commission of men whose office is situated at Deen Dyal Upadhay Marg in Delhi. Since they don't have anything else to do, they might start a new revolution based on the mental torture you have to bear everyday. See, men like you don't have much choices -either change your wife or tolerate her. If you wish you can help her by being a neighbour on TI, at least she will be happy and can concentrate on other domestic chores. Otherwise, be prepared to eat salt-less daal in the coming weeks...just like cooked by my wife for our family. But in any event, do keep me updated. I certainly would feel happy if i can find another distressed soul in my esteem company.


Q4: I am a daily Treasure Isle player and add random people to provide me energy packs and fruits in the game. During playing of this game, i met a lovely lady from Fiji who says she finds me as hot as lava mangoes. She also thinks i am very caring as i am the only one who sends her gift items to complete her treasure collections. She wants me to come to Fiji to set our love mountain on Fire. I have my passport ready and i am sitting at Tinda Tour and Travels to book my tickets. Please help, Sir

A4: Look, I am not gay but i love you so much for not calling me an Uncle. Strike out all the fears and go and live your so-far-fucked-up-life by fucking her. I have heard amazing love tales in this column but nothing has been so fascinating. I can completely assure you are not stupid...at least,you didn't fall like me for a Citibank customer care girl who used to call me everyday and talk in a sexy voice to buy their bank's credit card. You are better than our politicians, you have got yourself an International offer whereas they have to forge their travel allowance to go abroad for a fuck. Shed your inhibitions and act like a true TI champion....And yes, please don't forget to take a pack of condoms from India, you can save up to 30% on inflation and foreign exchange charges. All the best, just rock it.

PS: Agony uncle is not responsible for any kind of emotional, physical and mental damage caused during the implementation of the solutions of these queries. All the answers are written in an inebriated state during the celebratory party of crossing level 300 in Treasure Isle. Cheers!

August 28, 2010

The Good night Conversations....


She: It's 1:00 A.M. and just in case you forgot...you have office tomorrow!
He: (irritated) To hell with the office.
She: Oh really, then what are you going to do...
He: Talk to you, what else?
She: We are talking since 2 hours, how much more?
He: A little more, (thinking) 10 minutes
She: You are saying that for 1 hour now.
He: But this time it's the final one.
She: (smiling) Final, Pakka, sure?
He: (confused) ok, 15 minutes....
She: See, why can't men stick to one thing?
He: Because women make them confused.
She: Ya right, pass on the buck.
He: That's right...My Son papadi!
She: (smiles) Sure.
He: My Kaju ki Barfi!
She: (giggles) What, you mad?
He: My Hot Imaarthi!
She: (sigh) ok, enough!
He: My spicy Dahi Kachori!
She: (laughing) ok stop, i am feeling hungry.
He: I love you!
She: Good.
He: What good?
She: Kabhi kabhi yeh bhi kar lena chaiye...
He: You are such a Bitch.
She: I thought you loved bitches.
He: I like wild bitches, not dull ones like you.
She: You are an asshole.
He: At least, i am a clean one.
She: (shrugs) I am not talking to you.
He: Good, so should we sleep then...
She: Your wish.
He: What my wish, you said you don't want to talk.
She: You know what?
He: What?
She: Nothing.
He: Say it na...
She: I love you!
He: Good.
She: What good?
He: (laughs) Kabhi kabhi yeh bhi kar lena chaiye....
She: (irritated) Fine, good night.
He: good night.
She: (sighs) OK
He: Hmmmm....
She: Hmmmm..
He: (sounds of a kiss) Good night, sleep well.
She: You too, dream about me.
He: (Talking to himself) I have better things to do.
She: What?
He: No, nothing...Good night.
She: You meet me this weekend, i am going to kill you.
He: Fuck you would be better.
She: See the mirror and sleep.
He: Good night, love you.
She: Love you too, bye!

August 23, 2010

Movies which have stayed with me - 2


1) Ek Ruka Hua Faisla (1987)

Remake of Sidney Lumet's 12 angry men, this Hindi version exposes the fickle nature of human mind and multiple layers of behavioural patterns usually prevalent under "different" circumstances. Plagued by shoddy production values and jarring cinematography, it is a difficult watch in certain portions. But beneath all these shortcomings, lies a taut, absorbing and compelling drama that reaches beyond its normal court room setting. Excellent performances from the cast, specifically Pankaj kapoor and Annu Kapoor keeps the viewer spellbound. The closeup of most of the artists were deliberately taken to create an atmosphere of claustrophobia of being confined in a single room. I watched the English version undertaking a case study in one of the MBA units of Organisational behaviour. Later on, as soon as i came to know about our own
desi version, i latched on to it and was pretty pleased with the movie. Try it!

2) Lamhe (1991)

Based on a story by Honey Irani...Lamhe is considered to be way ahead of its times, a reason generally construed for its lackluster box office performance. History repeated itself for Yash Chopra (who had a similar fate with Silsila) - a movie well appreciated by critics, still loved by the public but failed at the box office at the time of its release. Sridevi, (who actually lost her mother just before the shooting began) is absolutely mesmerising as a mother-daughter duo and delievered a powerful performance, be it in comedy or dramatic scenes. Soulful music, graceful Waheeda Rehman, great locations and on top of that, all exclusive one time wonder, a moustache-less Anil Kapoor...my personal favourite scene is the confrontation between Anil and Anupam Kher just before the climax, where (hold on your breath) Anil is slapped by Anupam five times (or four, did i count it right!!). One of the top romantic movies of Hindi cinema.

3) Andaz Apna Apna (1994)

It is astonishing to even imagine that a movie starring two of the biggest stars of the industry (in AK and SK) and directed by Raj kumar Santoshi (who made Ghayal and Damini immediately preceding that) will actually fail to even take a proper box office opening. It bombed miserably at the time of its release but have gained a strong cult following after that. Not only this, it is one of the highest grossing movie in the Indian Home entertainment section. Long time after Sholay and Deewar in the 1970's came a movie, whose dialogues were so uncommon, yet was on everyone's folk language. The flick in its deeper layers was actually a satire on the Hindi movie industry itself...larger-than-life heroes and the ever confused heroines of the 50's, the old 60's style music reminding how we have lost touch , the stupid see-saw games between villains and heroes (of the 80's) with weapons in a film climax, the extra-ordinarily stupid cronies of the main villain (of 70's). It was a remarkable performance by the ensemble cast where it is really difficult to choose who was better than the other. One of my all time favourite!

4) Swades (2004)

Swades was inspired by the true story of a NRI couple who returned to India from US and developed the pedal power generator in order to provide light in off-grid schools in and around their native village. To start with the shortcomings, the movie suffered due to lot of issues - a sluggish pace, an over-indulgent director, too many songs in the middle and trying to cram too many social issues in one space. It failed to do well at the box office, but over the past few years have gained popularity. Prominent reason is attributed to the "non-heroic" performance of SRK and the soulful AR Rahman's music. There are some tear jerking scenes and poignant moments in the film, but majorly it stays in your mind long after the end credits have rolled in because it makes you think about your country without being judgmental. it makes you think about the issues of our society without providing any concrete solutions. Because, honestly it should be left to an individual how one want to make it's own country better, if at all.

PS: After the first part here, I have been a little short on following up with this series on a consistent basis, but will surely provide more soon. In the meanwhile, let me know any of your favourite movies which may not have done well at the box office, but remain special for some reason. Happy movie watching....cheers!!

August 15, 2010

Bhool gayi tum....


Bhool gayi tum...

Jab purani Maruti800 mein hum Murthal aloo ke paranthe khaane jaate the...
Jab sayani se kudi ban kar hum tum thulle ka popat bana kar aate the...
Jab Mughal sarai ke ande khaane mein tumhari train choot jaya karthi thi...
Jab PSR ki tang galiyon mein mujhe mana kar tum khud hi ruth jaya karthi thi...

Bhool gayi tum...

Jab priya ki 7rs wali ticket lekar front row mein hum picture dekha karthe the...
Jab MAMC ke prakash shikanji wale par hum bottoms-up kiya karthe the..
Jab Mandi house ke theatre mein bina ticket hum play dekha karthe the...
Jab dariyaganj sunday market mein premchand par mol-bhaav kiya karthe the...

Bhool gayi tum...

Jab CP Keventers par vanilla milkshake se tum nakli moochein banathi thi..
Jab Qutub ke Iron pillar par dono hathon ke milne par itraathi thi, itlathi thi...
Jab India gate par budiyaa ke baal noch noch kar mujhe khilaya karthi thi...
Jab Dariba kalan par tum rang-birangi chooriyaan hathon mein sajaya karthi thi...

Bhool gayi tum....

Jab Lotus temple ke andar shor macha kar mujhe aage kar diya karthi thi...
Jab Purana Qila ke hijjade aaane par mujhe peeche kar sabko theek kar diya karthi thi..
Jab British Library ke mej par "no-more-plz" keh aaundhe muh so jaya karthi thi..
Jab Bittu bataashe wale par "one-more-plz" keh kar golgappe thunsa karthi thi...

Bhool gayi tum....

Jab Pragati maidan ke Trade fair mein hum luka-chuppi khela karthe the...
Jab Chatharpur ke mandir mein do-sau ki bheed se prasad ka kela laya karthe the..
Jab Lodhi garden mein hari ghaas mein baithe hum dhoop saikha karthe the..
Jab Cathedral church ki seedhiyon par tumhare roop par cheta-kaashi karthe the..

I miss Delhi a little... I guess you could say, a little too much, a little too often, and a little more each day !!


PS: You may go anywhere in this world...there is nothing like your hometown. It will always remain special and will carry nostalgic memories. For me, Delhi will always hold importance for those reasons, those remembrances and those romantic moments. Happy Independence Day to all....Cheers!

August 6, 2010

Memories: Deep-down memories, heart-felt memories !!


Memories are just not an individual's ability to retain and recall information, it is much more than that. Memories stuck for a lifetime, they drag you for a lifetime. Whatever you attempt to do to de -attach yourself, they always comes back to you in the most unexpected form. They may make you sad, happy, gloomy or crabby, but they will make sure to leave their silent footprints on your subconsciousness. Memories allow you to rejoice in other people's good fortunes, yet they withdraw you from your own fortunes. Memories are sometimes like eating your favourite dish with a bucketful of salt, pepper and chilly powder; yet memories are like providing a permanence of an ice cube in the desert of loneliness.

Memories are like ghost stories, they scare you, they excite you, they beat the hell out of you. They come silently in your mind, without any pretensions or provocations.They bring out the emotional vulnerability inside you, they bring a new personality outside to others. Memories help you in pushing your inner limits, it test the predefined and rigid boundaries in your life. Memories open the new avenues of love, it also close down the old illusions of lust. Memories provide you with an inner peace of mind, it also provide the outbursts of excruciation. Memories are the one which can provide the most ecstatic, euphoric, overwhelming joys of life...yet, memories are the one which can kill you with their unabashed, brazen, and sullen innuendos.

Memories are like pins in the voodoo doll, killing you slowly, sucking your blood gradually. They are not just interceding by the supreme human affairs...but are ruled by the unknown, unwanted and unjustified spirits. Memories form the foundation of self love or for that matter love in any relationship. Memories are the single ego boosting device, yet the most soul destroying advice. Memories are the pre-requisite of loving each other, yet memories become the anti-requisite for loving oneself. Memories provides with the self confidence unswerving by the outside events and opinions, yet they are the one who destroy the inner soul's effects and sentiments.

Memories are like bisexual bitches, moving to and fro to both sexes...guided only by germane emotions, sounding like a fake orgasm when uttered...full of fierce tonality and executed with forward velocity. Memories are a true interaction with one's soul...one of the most fearfully feral variety, one which noshes under the spirit, one which nibbles away at your courage, one which spits out scraps of fear, regret and sadness. Memories are like climaxing the subtle sweetness down your throat, yet don't stop slinging till its too bitter. Memories are the stolen snippets of silence, yet they are the most boisterous trail blazers rapped in the pathetic, pretentious pap. Memories are like a brutish beast seeking nourishment in the province of your head and heart, yet memories are the torch bearers for a peaceful and colorful society.

In the end, Memories are what is left after something happens, yet does not completely unhappen....

July 23, 2010

I hate Salman Khan movies, Period.


I do not even have an iota of doubt that Salman Khan is the most over rated, over hyped and aggregated movie star Indian film industry has ever produced..or for that matter, any film industry. The readers of this blog and other friends may be aware of my tremendous passion about movies - not just by viewing them but also to be in touch with each and every news from the scripting to casting to controversies to finer details. But this post was something which was boiling inside me for quite some time....

Let's start from the beginning...rewind to the year 1989 when he made a spectacular 'debut' in Maine Pyaar Kiya (for purists, he did play a smaller role in Biwi Ho to aisi alongside Rekha and Farooq Sheikh in 1988). He was cute, hot, acted well or add any jazz words to it...No doubt, he took the things by storm and actually did managed to continue in the 1990's with hits like Sajaan (1991), Hum Aaapke Hain Kaun & Andaz Apna Apna (1994), Karan Arjun (1995) and Hum Dil De chuke Sanam (1999). Along with this, 1998 was probably the golden year for him with hits in Pyaar kiya to Darna kya, Jab Pyaar Kisse se hota hain and a cameo in Kuch kuch hota hain. Even a flop like Khamoshi (1996) can be counted as one his more mature performances.

Above list shows that to go a long way...he surely had the star power, acting caliber and the luck (yes, even that is important...ask Saif Ali Khan who was literally a non star for over 10 years before Hum tum happened in 2004). But what about his movies in 2000's...I don't recall a single movie of him in which i could have sit all through without getting a headache...after 2005 i decided, enough is enough...No more wasting money on Salman Khan movies. Leave apart his acting style or a hair make over, the movies simply lacked the zeal to engage the viewer... Only notable exceptions were Tere naam (2003) and Phir Milenge (2004) but by that time i stopped watching his movies in the cinemas, unless forced by family or friends. It was like hell, even Sania Mirza wins a match in grand slam sometimes... when will i see a good Salman Khan movie. His film biography have become a big chain of irritating, unwatchable and inconsiderate movies...The so called 'comedy' movies hop from preposterous plots to banal humour to sub standard performances. Take these if you can... Lucky: No time for love (why i had the time to watch this movie?), Jan-e-mann (My jaan was left cursing in my mann), Marigold (Voila, when was that released?), God tussi great ho (You are great god, saved me from watching this one), Yuvraj (thanks to A.R Rahman for making me sit through this dud), London Dreams, Main aur Mrs. Khanna, Veer....the list is endless :D

Jokes apart, I don't say a few flops here and there make a difference to the outlook with which you should start seeing an actor. Making films is a difficult process, anyone can go wrong. But it is the intention with which you are trying to make films is more important and in case of him, when it keeps on happening repeatedly... you know something is definitely wrong. I do understand that cinema watching or talking about it is a very subjective topic. Certain nuances and moments which i can love in a movie may not be appreciated by someone else. I also understand that not all film makers or actors wants to change the world by making Munnabhai series(2003,2006), Swades(2004) or Rocket Singh - Salesman of the year(2009). But how can you forgive an actor who movie after movie, year after year...is torturing us with the same boring stuff. His films off late has little or no regard to its audience, forget the story and the screenplay. They are the kind of movies where makers and SK couldn't care less if you hated the film, fall asleep during the film, left the theater after 20 minutes or suffered heart attack through the film. Only fact which holds importance is somehow fool a certain section of the audience to spend 200 bucks on a movie ticket solely on the "star power" of an actor. To hell with you after that in the theater...you watch movie, masturbate in the movie hall or burn yourself with kerosene, it just doesn't matter...we will keep making such disgusting movies. They simply don't care.

Now, let me get into the inevitable argument which people always use to cover up his pathetic movies...comparison with Shah rukh khan (SRK) and his movies. Keeping aside their personal enmity (which should not really be anyone else business), i have never understood this logic. Are you trying to tell me that because he is more good looking than SRK (subjective, but let's assumed), i should keep on watching SK movies? Are you trying to tell me that because he has a hot GF in Katrina Kaif and SRK has a 19 year rock solid marriage, i should start watching SK movies? Are you trying to tell me he just doesn't have any identity as an actor and just have to get above SRK to be the best? Give me a break, please......Why it is always construed that if you are anti-SK, you just got to be a SRK lover...i am a film lover and it doesn't matter who is on screen. I am giving money to watch a good movie, not any star. If i get entertained, no worries..if not, be ready to take the wrath.

People should probably start looking beyond these immature talks and start giving a rational argument...for example: I remember when Veer (Jan 2010) released, people on FB and twitter were going gaga about it..not to forget putting up links as status messages showing the bumper opening weekend it had...My question is what happened after that? No one put up a message when the collections dropped over 90 percent on the first Monday....and by the way no one put up a message when My name is Khan (Feb 2010) took off a spectacular opening and sustained for close to 3 weeks over 4 continents. I am not saying it was a great movie but then are you telling me people world wide were mad enough to go and see it even after hearing bad reviews about it...there has to be some limit of non sense argument which people keep on pestering with on FB. How can you compare a performance in a SK movie with a performance in a different SRK movie? It's ridiculous logic to say the least.

I really don't want to make this post as a comparison between the two actors (which i may have to do in any case in the comment section :D)..but why don't people realise his days are over...Just beating around the bush won't make him a better actor or a star...be selective and do some sensible roles...that's the only way to make a mark. If not anyone else, he should see the newer breed of actors in Abhay Deol and Ranbir Kapoor who are doing mind boggling work at the start of their careers.

One final thought...the last straw to break my patience came this morning with the trailer of Dabangg.... After watching this crap, i felt like it's tag line should be - when the fear of a flop movie ends, shit (like this) begins :P. I don't care whether this become a hit or not...even crappy Wanted (2009) was a semi-hit...Ya right, wanted...please, get a life and give a life to others.... I still get nightmares and scream for my AUD$6.5, take that for Salman Power...Right ;-)

PS: A week in which movies like Inception and Udaan are getting all the praises for not trivializing the audience's intelligence and going one step ahead in the process of film making....even watching such regressive trailers is sheer wastage of time and energy, Period.

July 18, 2010

When Love took a ride on the Metro...



***The post has been intentionally deleted due to copyright protection. This story in its updated/edited form will appear in an anthology published by West Land Publications, The Chicken Soup for Indian Couple's soul by February 2012. The original story will be re-published on this blog after February 2013***