Looking for Love?

February 21, 2010

When Love came back home....

"Alright fine... i am also sick of you and your everyday tantrums. I can't take it anymore...everyday same excuses, same arguments. we definitely need to take a call after I come back from Mumbai" Kaushal shouted with the full force, irritation palpable in his voice.

"Ok, as you wish. I will also see what decision you would make for us" Pratichi replied with bitterness in her voice... ready to take out the venom of her frustration.

Kaushal came out of his home to the main road and started waiting for a taxi to reach the Delhi airport. As it started drizzling, his mind went over the agonizing details about the moments they have spent together, about the stupid fights their relationship has seen together and about the nitpicking of their daily lives spent together.

He got into the cab and asked the driver to move as fast as possible. His mind was wandering though the numerous reasons and ratifications this relationship is bringing for both of them. His thought process got intermingled with the future course of action, entwined in those yucky "what'-if" moments of agony. He took his right hand out of the car window and as the rain drops hit his outstretched hand... a song played on the Radio Mirchi in the car which brought back all the pangs of romance and affection to his conscience.....

*Aise hi Rimjhim, Aise hi Phuhaare, Aise hi thi Barsaaat,
Khud Se Juda Aur Jag se paraaye, Hum dono the Saath,
Phir se woh Saawan Ab kyun na Aaye.....*

3 days later....

"No Sanchita... i have tried everything in the book" Kaushal started pouring his heart out. "There is always that friction, those taunts, those sarcastic comments. It seems after the initial honeymoon period...she just don't want to stay under the same roof with me" And then in irritation, he said something which he regretted at the rate of bullet hitting its target "I wish we were still together, we just let go each other too easily in life...I wish we fought for each other's presence a little more".

Sanchita took a deep breath, looked in his eyes and replied, "Whatever has happened is gone by... you and me cannot change it. But you can surely change your relationship with Pratichi. There is no reason why you can't make things cordial with her... i am sure she has some insecurities and apprehensions like any other girl. Give it sometime, i am sure its going to sort out soon."

"Soon! are you kidding me - it's been almost 18 months we are married. How many sacrifices i need to do, how much more adjustment i need to make with her. Is all the responsibility of making the marriage work lies with me. Official trips to Mumbai atleast twice a month, deadlines and meeting targets, weekly presentations....i can't do it anymore, i am stuffed." Kaushal threw his head back in desperation and irritation.

Sanchita wanted to move closer to him... like she used to in the past, wanting to touch his hands, ruffle up his hairs and tell him, "Don't worry sweetheart, everything is going to be alright!" But she stayed back, she let the awkwardness between them take momentous proportions. She didn't wanted to make him weak by offering a helping hand at this point. She can offer suggestions... but in the end, he has to help himself to eat into his own fears and foibles, so to get his marriage back on the track.

She moved up from the sofa and said to him, "Kaushal, stop looking for love in your life, may be then love will just find you in life". A song flowed on her CD Player as the silence between them began a maudlin conversation ...

** Aaaon Ek baat mein kahoon Tumse, Jaane phir koi yeh kahen na kahen
Tumko Apni talaash karni hain, Humsafar koi bhi rahen na rahen,
Tumko Apne sahaare jeena hain, Dhoondthi koi aaasra na raho.....**

3 hours later....

"Thank you!" Kaushal replied gingerly to the air hostess as she served him coffee. He took a sip of it and started pondering on the thoughts of Pratichi, deliberately keeping the thoughts of Sanchita in "don't-dare-to-touch" section of his brain. He made a promise to himself...he will give it a shot again, he won't let go of the marriage so easily. He will make sure they both are together for years to come, happy and content, without any arguments and bitchy fights. He of the downsides of love is not knowing how much rope to give it as the time near its end; in love when there is a momentary loss of affection, it shouldn't become a more permanent and fatal condition. He can't wait to get back to home now, restlessness was making him swirl in the seat now. He nervously fidgeted with his watch as he hit the 'next' button on the ipod and a song echoed in his ears....

***Dhadktha bhi hain, Tadaptha bhi hain, yeh dil kyun achanak behkatha bhi hain,
Mehktha bhi hain, Chehkatha bhi hain, Yeh Dil Kya wafaa ko samjatha bhi hain...***

3 hours later.....

"Take this bhaiyaa, be quick" Kaushal handed over the money to the driver and moved out of the taxi. His heart started beating fast seeing the police jeep and the ambulance meters away from his house. He moved towards the home...rapped in his pathetic, pretentious pap. The alluring eyes of the neighbours' were boring through his if asking zillion of questions as he saw a police office approaching him.

"Mr. Shrivastav, you have to come with us to the police station, you are ....", The police officer moved forward trying to grab him.

"What, Is Pratichi ok? what has happened to her, what is this going on here?" Kaushal tried to move forward breaking the snippets of silence which were building up inside him for so long about her.

But before he could do so, the police officer grabbed him by the collar and shouted, " Mr. Shrivastav, you are under arrest for torturing your wife for dowry and keeping her under house arrest since past three days. you have to come with us." He then asked the constable to put the hand cuffs on him.

Kaushal was zapped, he felt like a zombie moving in the Amazon jungles. He felt like having just taken a shot of heady vodka martini, leaving him shaken and stirred. He felt destructive towards his newly crafted emotional stability, his recently nurtured love psyche for Pratichi, his 'still-in-its-infancy' sobriety for this relationship. He sat with folded hands in the jeep and started moving away from his home..... A song emanated from the constable's transistor and his mind started puking in massive chunks, the bile-ish egoism of hurt and anger.

**** Aag Se naata, Naari Se Risthaa, kahen man samajh naa paya,
Mujhe kya hua tha, ek bewaafa par haye mujhe kyun pyaar aaya,
Teri Bewaafai par haasen jag saara, Gali gali guzare jidhar se...****

3 years later....

"Take this affidavit, keep them in my folder. we need to show them tomorrow in the high court" Their life in last three years was all about collecting various papers for the court sessions.

"I hope we are not missing anything" She tapped the pen on her lap trying to do bit of loud thinking. She looked at Kaushal sitting by the window and immediately sensed his anxiety. She moved from the sofa this time, came forward, sat with him and started talking " Don't worry sweetheart. Me, your lucky charm... I am with you now. Nothing would go wrong. This time no one can separate us and we will win together."

He came forward, interlocked her fingers with his own and said, "I couldn't find love when i stopped looking for it... i hope i can find justice in this country when i have stopped looking for it." She kept her head on his arms as they both looked out from the window with hope in their eyes and love in their hearts. A song simultaneously played on her laptop, as Kaushal's love finally came back home, only difference - this time it reached the correct destination.

*****Pyaar ne jaha par rakha hain, jhoom ke kadam ek baar,
wahin se khula hain koi raasta, wahin par giri hain deewaar,
Roke kab ruki hain yeh manzil pyaar ki *****

PS: Recent statistics by Save Indian Family Foundation revealed that in the past decade, 22738 married men have committed suicide due to dowry law harassment. During the same period, 16842 married women have ended their lives. This data is just not collected from random sources, but is gleaned from the National Crime Records Bureau. I am fully aware of the 'unreported' and 'hidden' cases of female domestic violence, but that is NOT the main point i want to elucidate here. The Indian domestic violence act is full of loopholes and needs to be rewritten on an urgent basis. But till that happens, should we see India going like some of the western countries where the legal authorities and the police administration are biased towards women to such an extent that they are totally oblivious of the pain faced by men in such situations. And then some feminist organizations say...women are the weaker sex, .... what irony !!


* Din Dhal Jaaye from the movie Guide (1965)
** Mujhse Naaraz Ho from the movie Papa Kehte Hain (1997)
*** Na Tum Jaano na Hum from the movie Kaho Na Pyaar Hain (2000)
**** Meri bheegi bheegi se palkon from the movie Anamika (1973)
***** Ae mere humsafar from the movie Qayamat se Qayamat Tak (1988)

February 13, 2010

A dream about to come true !

Writing has always fascinated me in life, to the point that even at times i have put my relationships at stake.Writing has made me traverse beyond boundaries within myself, made me explore the darker side of human relationships. Writing has been more than just an accumulation of thoughts, more than the representation of the textual language through the signs, symbols and alphabets.

But wait a second, why the hell am i talking about writing on my comeback post? I am sure some of you are eager to have all the explanations of why i left blogging and why this sudden change of mind in start writing again. ok ok, alright. Before you start hitting your monitors, let me get straight into the act..... or wait, what's the hurry?... let's test your patience a bit....

So let's rewind in past, and see what have changed in my life in these last 4 months....Well for starters, my hot Canadian flatmate left in Jan after completing her exchange program (Alas! wish she exchanged atleast a ring with me :P). I am 14 subjects old in my MBA and starting with my finance electives in the coming semester. I became mamu of the most adorable niece on 10 Dec which incidentally coincided with my sister's 4th wedding anniversary. I got sloshed and almost beaten up by cops on the new year's eve and worse -
I am still single and ready to mingle.

But all this quotidian activities didn't took the focus away from my writing. You see, it was always difficult for me to get noticed with my writings anywhere, and more so in this blogging world. I constantly wrote on one topic, gave monotonously long stories and ranting sessions, never wrote on the walls of any lounge, never paid heed to any sucking advertisers, never wrote or invited guest posts on the blog or worse - i was not even a female with a hot display profile pic who can grab attention without any fuss.

Hence, writing became an obsession for a person who wanted to get away with the crappy machinations associated with this space. Writing about relationships became a passion for a person always been accused of being either too mature or too kiddish in his thoughts.Writing became a burning desire for a guy who can't really write a simple straight love story, forget anything else. Or worse - writing took such momentous proportions that you will be now bombarded with not just blog posts, but more of my writings in another form.

Yes, after months of continuous keyboard tapping, after going through enormously draining brainstorming sessions to knuckle up my small brain cells, after undergoing catastrophic time at editing and rewriting, I am all ready with my first book - a fictional novel !!